Apology-syndrome

 

I was recently privy to a guided meditation around the impact of continuously saying “sorry”.

I have to confess, when I first sat down I pulled my nose up smugly.

After all, everyone knows I don’t apologise.

I live a life of conscious choice.

I live a life aligned with my personal values – conformity be damned.

Yet as I sat with my eyes closed, shutting out the world, shutting out my ego, listening to the guidance taking me on a journey of awareness, tears slowly slipped down my cheeks.

For the first time I came to see just how deeply ingrained the apology reflex is from an early age.

It’s become the norm to the point that most of us aren’t even aware of how often we say “sorry”.

We are conditioned to apologise for everything.

How we ‘make’ others feel.

Speaking our truth.

Taking up space.

Our very existence.

And once I started awakening to this, I was completely horrified as I noticed how often I utter the despicable word myself.

Out walking my dogs and apologising to strangers because my girls bark.

Out riding my bike and apologising to others who stand to the side to give me space to pass.

In the shops as I get to the front of the line first.

All the time!

It’s ridiculous.

What’s even worse was how often other people were apologising to me!

I kept thinking ‘What are you apologising for?  You haven’t done anything wrong!’

It comes down to the fact that apologising has simply become a reflex.

And in many ways it keeps us shrinking.  Keeps us small.

In our place as our parents demanded when we were kids.

Absurd.

You might think this doesn’t really warrant your attention, but I invite you to consider the other side of the coin.

The other impact this is having in our society, in our relationships, in our lives.

I hear people apologising for their behaviour on a consistent basis without any true regret.

They feel that since they’ve apologised they’ve wiped the slate clean and now they can just carry on.  There’s not even a breath of hesitation or consideration.

Majority of the time doing exactly the same shit and apologising ad nauseam .

What the fuck?

Has “sorry” become a “Get out of Jail Free” card?

Do you really think it changes anything?

Do you really feel that as long as you say you’re sorry that others OWE it to you to forgive you?

That it levels the playing field?

That is makes your asinine behaviour okay?

I don’t think so.

I believe it’s time we stop apologising and instead we start focussing on asking for forgiveness.

True forgiveness.

Which means you have to consider the impact of your actions, evaluate if it’s caused harm, have true regret, and then apologise.

Other than that, don’t ask for forgiveness just because you think you will get a noddy badge.

True forgiveness also begs you to take a look at your own pain.

It takes you to look at your behaviour and enquire why you’re abandoning your values?

Why you’re sabotaging happiness?

Here’s my observation:

I see people doing stupid shit, saying sorry, feeling like shit for saying sorry, feeling like a loser, feeling small, miserable as fuck.  From this space they create a belief that they’re worthless, not good enough, flawed.  From this space they take actions which conforms to the picture of a victim to their incompetence, the circumstances which is a direct result of their stupid shit in the first place, thereby creating the next level of stupid shit.

Which they apologise for without thinking.

It’s a downward spiral into a bottomless pit of hell called victimhood.

Fuck sorry.

Stop doing stupid shit.

Start living in a way that fills you with pride.

Live in a way that is in alignment with your core values.

Live in a way that makes you happy!

Live unapologetically!

Does this mean you’ll never again ask for forgiveness?

Hell no!

We’re human.

I believe part of our deal was to come and bump into others, to step on toes, to hit our heads.

I believe part of our life is learning to truly forgive ourselves.

I believe part of our journey is being humble and considerate enough to ask for forgiveness from others for any hurt we’ve caused them.

We always have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes.

Learning being the key here.

If you’re just continuously apologising without learning it means jack shit Darling.

So here are the meditation questions that really turned “sorry” on it’s head for me:

What cultural messages have you internalised regarding the expectation and habit of apologising?

In what ways are you currently diminishing yourself with unnecessary apologies?

What would it feel like to give yourself permission to stop saying “I’m sorry” for things that do not really require an apology?

This blog is simply about creating awareness for more empowered living my friend.

It’s time for us as a species to wake up and to live consciously in all aspects of our lives.

Starting with our language.

Your words are more powerful than you realise.

Choose them wisely.

For death is inevitable.

Thriving is a choice for which you must never apologise.

With love eternal,

Anel

PS:  Are you ready to create a life on your terms which includes happiness, change, abundance and contribution?  A life that fills you with pride?  A life where apology is no longer needed as your actions are aligned with your values?

Not sure where to start?

Then I invite you to connect with me.

Part of my role as your coach is to help you see the bigger picture so that you may take the most impactful course of action.

Ruddy Mukwamu said “Anel made me see the impact my business has on people’s life that I may not even know; planning appropriately and sticking to the plan guarantees results which has an impact in our delivery, which impact our clients satisfactions. When they are happy about our work and delivery, so are their friends and family members.”

Book your free consult and let’s see how I may serve you in living your unapologetic life of thrive.