Are you done being shafted by shame?

Shame – is there any emotion that trumps this bitch when it comes to ripping your self worth right out of your skin, dragging you through the mud and leaving you in a heaving heap of destruction?

I don’t think so.

It’s one of those emotion I don’t think we escape lightly.

Not in our culture anyway.

And with the availability of mass exposure on social media it’s become easier than ever to Shame people from a safe place of anonymity – which means all the fuck nuts with small testicles come out in drones!

As a Three on the Enneagram (Personality Typology) my core emotion is shame.

That’s right Darling.

I know her more intimately than most.

I’m that slave driven by her sweet voice of seduction only to have her shaft me up the arse, leaving with her laughter ringing in my ears whilst I try desperately to scrape my shreds of self off the floor and crawl out the side door.

Or that is what I used to do.

I’ ve reached a point today where I look at the heartache, the heartbreak, the merciless destruction this dark bitch leaves in her wake and I’m drawing a line in the sand.

I’m taking back my power.

I’m taking Shame and putting her on a leash and I’m putting that hussy in her place.

By my side.

Where she belongs.

No longer towering over me.

But in service to me.

Which I’m starting to think is what she was meant to be all along.

After all, Shame is nothing but an emotion.

A powerful one.

But still just an emotion.

She can’t really hurt me unless I let her.

She can’t break my bones.  She can’t make me fat.  She can’t kill me.

Only I can do those things.

So why is it that we have become such victims to our emotions thereby taking the force of good within them and transforming them into forces of evil?

I don’t have an answer for you.

What I do know is that like most people I encounter I was taught there are good things to feel which somehow means I’m a good person, a strong person, and there’s some emotions that when I admit to feeling them by default I’m a bad person, a weak person.  When I talk about them I make others uncomfortable and they don’t want to play with me.  They shun me.

And that stings like a motherfucker.

Because I was taught that I must show up in a way that makes people like me.

Like = Good.

Me = Bad.

And I know that Shame was used a shit ton to keep me in my place.

Along with her brother Fear.

Who brought along his little bastard son Abuse.

And for so long I have stood trembling before them.

Even as I defiantly pushed my chin out and bravely tried to look them in the eyes, they could smell the stench of Fear dripping down my thighs and they would salivate for the feast they knew was about to start.

I see this in so many of my courageous clients.

People who are here to bring about magnificent change and healing, bravely show up again and again and again.  Fighting for sanity.  Fighting to take back their power.

Well Darling here it is.

I woke up this morning with the understanding that Shame was never meant to keep us in chains.

She’s a reminder for us to wake the fuck up and start questioning the insanity of all we’ve been taught by other slaves to emotions.

The distorted image I’ve had of her all this time was nothing but a figment of my imagination.

I was reminded that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR ME.

LIFE IS IN SERICE TO ME SO I CAN BE IN POWERFUL SERVICE TO OTHERS.

EMOTIONS ARE MY SUPER POWER OF AWAKENING.

They’re messengers.

They were never meant to be used in the indoctrination of humanity.  We did that all by ourselves.

Shame is a powerful reminder of my values.  A beacon that shows me when I’m living in alignment to all that I hold dear in life or if I’ve gone off track.  So when her cold whisper strokes my ear I have the opportunity to look up because sometimes when we get tired we stop thinking and we just go autopilot.  So I look up and I go “Oh shit, I’m off track” and I get my ass back on my soul path.

But somebody figured this shit out and they started using THEIR values to enforce Shame onto others.  They trained us by Shaming us in public until we got so fucking confused we forgot our own truth and accepted theirs.  Because the pain became too much.

What does this result in?

Complete disempowerment and unquestioning loyalty to the demands of the faceless puppeteers.

Instead of using Shame to keep ourselves on our soul paths we believe bullshit Stories which has us retreating into Hiding thereby ensuring we Act in a Mediocre fashion resulting in Existence.

Existence is worse than death.

I’ve done the whole Stepford Wife existence thingy (If you don’t know what I’m talking about go watch the movie).

Existence can kiss my sagging 44 year old ass.

I choose to be a ‘bad girl’ instead.

Because apparently bad girls have way more fun.

We break the ‘rules’.

We have orgies with Shame and Fear leaving them exhausted on the floor whilst putting on our cleats to go for a ride.

We do the work.

The real work.

We think for ourselves.

We understand that we matter.

Our values are what’s most important to us and it’s different to everyone else’s values.  And we’re cool with that.

We know we are good enough to do the work we came here to do.  And that everything that has been turned into tools of enslavement of the masses are our tools of empowerment.

Starting with emotions Baby.

Start loving your emotions.

All of them!

They all matter.

They’re all your friends.

Voldemort only had power over those too afraid to name him.

It’s exactly the same with emotions.

So here goes –

Hi.  My name is Anel Bester.  And I fucking FEEL!  I feel every goddamn emotion available to humanity.  I feel sad.  I feel mad.  I feel terrified at times.  I feel shame.  I feel joy.  I feel love.  I feel anger.  I feel intimidated at times.  I feel unworthy at times.  I feel like a fraud at times.  I feel worthy at times.  I feel fat some days.  I feel strong other days.  Some days I feel betrayed.  Some days I feel supported.  I feel lonely.  I feel in flow.  I feel safe.  I feel scared.  I feel hurt.  I feel free.  I feel restricted.  I feel empowered.  I feel everything that you have ever felt – whether you have acknowledged those feeling to yourself or not.

Fuck that felt good.

Try it – I dare you.

Hit me a reply or type it in the comments – what do you feel?  All of it.

Own your shit.

It’s all yours.

It’s all in service to you.

But only if you’re willing to get out of the passenger seat.

It’s your fucking life Darling.

Get back in the driver’s seat for God’s sake!

Why on earth are we so willing to cram into the overfull taxis’ and pray that some incompetent stranger doesn’t crash taking us all to hell?

Oh yes, because we’re afraid.

Well put a t-spoon of cement in your coffee and Harden The Fuck Up princess.

We don’t have much more time for this shit.

If you’re in my tribe, in my energy, you’re here for a reason.

You have a ginormous life purpose whether you want to own that shit or not.

And the longer you diddle daddle the longer others are suffering because they don’t own what you’ve got.

Do you understand?

You ARE special.  

You ARE stronger than the average people.  

I know I know – that sounds boastful.

Because someone from the Ass Squad told you not to own how awesome your really are.

Fuck ’em.

Rise Darling RISE!

It’s your time now.

You ARE ready for the next step now.

Death is coming.

You can choose to thrive.

With love always,

Anel

PS:  Tomorrow I’m closing the doors of Courage, Clarity and Confidence.  Yes it will run again but it will be different.  It always is.  That’s because the participants change the experience.  And maybe you’re not meant to be in this group.  But maybe you are and you’ve just been sitting on the fence because you’re actually terrified of taking the first step.  If that’s the case then I want to encourage you today to just fucking do it!  Stop overthinking and just jump Darling.  I know it sounds crazy but every epic thing that’s ever happened to me was when I stopped thinking and just committed to the thing that I feared the most within 20 seconds.  So if Courage, Clarity and Confidence scares you a little, do it!  If not, don’t.

 

THIS is the only mistake I see people make…

Who hasn’t said it at some time?

I’ve made a mistake.

Who hasn’t heard it at some time?

Learn from my mistakes.

So let’s investigate this for a moment.

The definition as given by the all-knowing Google is that a mistake is an act or judgement that is misguided or wrong.

I want to question this definition and by default the word.

You know by now that I believe in my soul that everything happens FOR us.

The good, the bad, and the miserable as shit.

I also believe everything in your world that you see and experience is based upon the stories in your head that drive the decisions you make which leads to action which then has a resulting outcome.

I add in experience because this is an internal force based on emotion.  So even though sometimes there’s evidence based on a global action, how we experience it is a choice.

You can sit and bitch and moan like an old hag OR you can have excited expectations of what can happen next or you can have concern that triggers innovative solutions etc.

But let me get back to those choices.

I choose to believe that life is one big mother of an adventure – a journey filled to the brim with learning opportunities that continuously has me going inside to find meaning, connections, growth.

That’s my choice.

It’s for this reason that I don’t believe in mistakes.

Instead the only mistake I see people making all the time is to say that they’ve made a mistake.

No Darling, you’ve made a choice, a decision, taken an action which resulted in an outcome that hurts like a motherfucker and instead of sitting your ass down, taking full responsibility and thereby empowering yourself to find the learning so you can make a different choice next time which will result in a different outcome, you sit stewing in regret.

Except since you’re not learning that certain behaviours will continuously lead to certain outcomes, you continue to do the same shit over and over and over again expecting the Universe to come and sprinkle some fairy dust on your derriere and magically bring about change that will then make you happy!

Or even worst, you start believing that stuff outside of you will make you happy!

When I have more money I will be happy.

When I have more friends I will be happy.

When I lose weight I will be happy.

When my spouse treats me like a goddess I will be happy.

When I retire I will be happy.

Wake

The

Fuck

Up!

NOTHING CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY!  HAPPINESS IS AN INSIDE JOB!

Believing anything else – THAT is a mistake!

It’s a mistake because you’re not connecting the dots and not getting the learning.

I don’t know how else to say this.

I don’t know how to better explain myself.

Who knows where this lie started?  All I know is somewhere along the line somebody started spreading the bullshit that when you are more successful, live in a bigger house, drive a fancier car, make more money, you will be happy.

It’s not true!

It’s really not.

I’m not saying poverty will make you happy either.

What I’m saying is every fucking morning I wake up and I DECIDE I’M HAPPY!

Every fucking morning.

Why?

Because there was a time in my life when I bought into all the bullshit.

There was a time when I believed the lies that I within and of myself am not enough.  That I am flawed and fucked up and not worthy of love or happiness or grace.  That for me to be a good person I had to conform and twist my soul in some obscene way to make others happy and when I make others happy Jesus will smile upon me.

I believed all this shit and I was beyond miserable.

What was the use?

I’m ugly.  I’m fat.  I have really small tits.  I always say the wrong thing at the wrong time.  I’m outspoken.  I think too much.  I have tattoos.  I have cellulite.  I swear like a sailor.

I’m just all wrong.

Nobody can ever love me.

I am not deserving of love.

So I kept smothering the pain with more chocolate, pizza, bread, anything I could get my hands on.

I kept drowning the sorrow with more wine, beer, whiskey, rum, tequila.

I inhaled my illusive salvation with Benson and Hedges Special Mild.

I was slitting my wrists and slowly bleeding to death except nobody could see my wounds.

Because they were too busy chasing the shit they think will make them happy.

Oh dear lord, please share the learning I’ve had in this experience and the choices I made.

Here I sit at my kitchen counter in God’s country and I’m phenomenally happy.

Why?

Not because of my business.

Not because of the money in my bank accounts.

Not because I have an epic yoga session booked and a powerful client meeting lined up.

Not because I make people happy – in fact I piss people off most days.

But because I woke up and I decided I am happy.

Done.

Nobody is going to take that away from me.

EVER.

I will make this choice for the rest of my life because it makes me thrive and it gives me all the power which ultimately is my truth.

I think it would be very hard for me to be happy if I had to sit every day and look at everything in my life which is not ‘perfect’ according to other people’s standards.  I think it would be hard if I had to sit at night and beat myself over the head for all the fuck-ups I’ve made along the way – all the ‘mistakes’.  I think it would be very hard for me to be happy if I decided to measure my happiness by anything outside of myself

Because let’s just say that more money really does make you happy – hypothetically.  Well how much more money do you need to get how much more happier?  Is it dollar for dollar?  So if some debit order went off during the night and my bank balance is a little less today than it was yesterday now I’m a little less happy?  And then when the market crashes and there is a recession and I lose all my money now there is no hope in hell that I’m going to feel happy today?  What’s the fucking point then?

But hey, this is just my opinion.

I do want to invite you today to do some serious introspection around this – if you’re ready and if you feel it’s the right thing to do. Otherwise just delete this piece from your mind and move on.

But if my words are triggering you then ask yourself these questions:

  • What if I made no mistakes?  What if it was all part of a journey that got me to this chair in this moment?  What have I learned from the decisions I have made along the way?
  • If I’ve made some choices that has resulted in less than satisfactory results, what would be alternative choices I can make going forward?  (No use of asking what other choices I could have made.  It’s done. Dusted.  History.  You can’t change it.  You can learn from it.  Move on.)
  • What will it take for me to choose to be happy?  Is that something inside of me or outside of me?  Does that make me feel empowered or does it make me feel at the mercy of someone else?  I don’t know about you but I’m done giving my power away to others.  My life Baby.  My life.
  • Do you choose to feel happy right here, right now?

I look back on my life and I’ve made some interesting choices to say the least.

Some of them have had me sobbing, screaming, clawing, dying.

But I didn’t die.

I didn’t stay down.

I chose to fucking rise.

You can too.

It’s all a choice.

Everything.

Except death.

Death is inevitable.

But thriving is a choice.

With love eternal,

Anel

PS:  Here’s what I know – if you have read this far AND you’re one of the 0.0000001% who will actually take the action and do the introspection, then you’re ready for Courage, Clarity and Confidence.  Because this is where we do the work that matters.  The work that most shy away from. The work whereby you take full ownership of your life and your choices.  The work whereby you forgive and release.  The work whereby you connect to your purpose and your message and the passion burns so hot inside of you that you share it with confidence and impact.  But only if you’re prepared to do the work.  Half-assing it and expecting results is not going to cut it.  Not in Courage, Clarity and Confidence.  Are you one of the 0.00000001% Darling?  We’re waiting for you.

 

There can be no fear in the presence of love.

Hmmmm, where to start.

It’s taken me a very long time to publicly own the fact that I’m spiritually guided on my journey.  That I dabble with faerie dust and magic.  That I talk with my angels (and my dogs, and the wall, and the voices in my head).

I always thought I was hiding my truth because I didn’t want to be judged as ‘evil’ by others – which they probably still do anyway.

However I’m starting to suspect it might be because I’ve been gifted with cause to pause by many ‘light workers’ the same way I was gifted with reason to go within by many christians all those years ago.

You see Darling, in my world of daffodils and unicorns all is guided by love.  The moment I experience something different from ‘leaders’ I question.

My God is all love and therefor he or she loves and supports me unconditionally.  Everything happens for me.  For my highest and greatest good.  So that I may receive the learning I’ve requested on this path in service of others.

In my world there is no hell.

In my world there’s no lighting striking me down when I swear or black running through my veins because I have tattoos.

And people wonder why I’m so happy…

Maybe for a moment then you can have understanding for my sadness all those decades ago, sitting in a church where I was being preached how bad I am and that I was being judged by the Almighty Father all the time.  Keeping score of my good and bad like Santa Clause deciding my eternal fate.

So I turned away from the preachings of the church to find my own truth – one that resonates with the knowing inside of me.

No, I’m not saying I’m right and they’re wrong.  This is simply what is right for me and if it turns out I’m wrong I give them full permission to say “I told you so” as my ass is dragged through the gates of hell.

For a while I had no identity for my faith.

I was just a wanderer.

Being human we’re driven biologically with a longing to belong.  So eventually I gave in to this longing and identified myself along with those who call themselves spiritual. It was the closest thing I could find at the time.

Yet I’ve come to realise that even in this clan appearances can be deceiving.

I’ve found all too often that those who look spiritual and speak spiritual don’t necessarily live spiritual.  Very much the same as I found in the christian community.

There’s still some who drive with fear.

I take issue with people getting on a pedestal and driving those around them with fear to further their own cause.

 

How about we all just own our shit and admit that we’re flawed as fuck and doing the best we can thereby equalling out the playing ground for all.

At least then people will stop looking to some for the answers instead of looking within to find their truth.

Then people will have a look around and see who is going in the same direction to have company for a while without any false expectations of being saved by the ‘one’ along the way.

What really brought this home for me was an angel consultation website.  Normally I don’t waste my time, but I was in a playful mood yesterday so I checked in with my team who said, yes go for it.  We can send you a message through this.  So I did.

And it started off great.

Uplifting and positive and full of love.

That’s where their message stopped.

Then it came:

“the angels have put you to the test. They want to know whether you really want to know a better life, or if you would rather keep drowning in your problems. Yes, it is a test. And to pass this test with flying colors, you just need to” buy my product.

Are you for real?

First of all I’m not drowning in problems at all!  I’m probably one of the most blessed people I know.  Miracles unfold in my life on a daily basis and I’m astounded by how loved and supported I feel at all times.

Secondly MY angels aren’t testing me.  They love me unconditionally.  And where there is love there cannot be fear (A Course In Miracles).

Please explain to me why on earth a light worker would feel the need to use fear to promote the work of a loving universe?

Then the cherry on top:

“This email must stay a secret between us and the world of the angels. Do not tell anyone else about it, for it might disturb the action of the forces above!”

I’m not making this shit up!  This is word for word.

NOW you might have heard me say before that in my humble opinion the darkness on earth is nothing more but the absence of information which is the nesting ground of fear.  Think about it – everything that you truly fear is out of uncertainty.

Yet you as a bringer of light want to tell me that I must keep this secret otherwise the angels are going to go on strike and let me ‘drown in my problems’.

Are

You

Fucking

Kidding

Me.

This morning as I was journaling I asked for a channeled message as I was feeling rather uneasy about the whole thing.

The message was loud and clear – love is the only truth.

Focus on love for in the presence of love there is no fear.

Not that I’ll never feel fear again.  I hope that’s not the case anyway.  Because I’m not done living yet and I have a lot of exploring to do and yes that brings uncertainty which brings fear.

So what?

I can always go into the scary places and then reconnect with love.

Isn’t that way more exciting?

Well it is for me.

Then again my husband told me last week that I’m a bit of a masochist so maybe don’t take my word for it.

Which brings me to my point today – question everything and everyone!  Question what you’re being told not out of disrespect but out of love.  For you already know all the true answers for yourself within but if you never take the time to check in, you’ll end up following the mindless crowd and god only knows where you’re going to wake up eventually.

Question yourself all the time.  I do frequent check-ins and sometimes I go back in my journal and laugh my ass off at some of the shit that flowed out of my pen.  No judgement. No  shame.  It’s all part of the journey.  If I was still thinking the same and held the same beliefs I did eight months ago I would get worried.  Because I’ve done shit tons of growth this year so of course my stories have changed!  Hallelujah.

Always go back to love.  That is your true compass.

Which means judging everyone for their actions is kinda stupid as well by the way.

I don’t judge the ‘angel communicator’.  I thank her for giving me pause to question and once again reconnect with my own truth.

I don’t judge the church.  I thank them for giving cause to go within and find my own truth.

And I’m not saying all christians and all spiritual people are the same either.  However that is an unfortunate social byproduct of labels.  We tend to put them all in the same little box.

Hmmmm.  Maybe it’s time for me to stop seeing boxes.  Maybe that’s my next level of growth.  Interesting – haven’t thought of that before…

For now I’ll just continue to be a spiritually guided wanderer exploring life.

It just feels right.

How about you?

Has this piece given you pause to think just for a moment?

Maybe it has and maybe for you it’s been an awesome confirmation of your beliefs and path.

FABULOUS.

Maybe it’s just been a trigger for a whole new period of questioning and exploring.

AWESOME.

As always there’s no right or wrong.  Just right or wrong for you.

For death is inevitable.  But how we choose to live is a choice.

With love always,

Anel

PS:  Yesterday we kicked off an exciting six week journey of exploration, questioning, healing and personal empowerment in Courage, Clarity and Confidence.  It’s filled with provocative questions and sharing of my tools and processes for all to try.  It’s a journey taken with like-minded warriors who are ready to break the patterns of fear and shame so they will speak their truth with clarity and confidence.  For I believe every person here has a powerful message to be heard.  I’m keeping the doors open for you this week for those who are hearing the call from within.  Coming?

 

 

Triggered as fuck around triggers.

Sometimes as I sit down to write for you, I look at my reflection in the window and think “Seriously Anel, why couldn’t you have picked an easier path?”

It would appear in some ironic twist of fortune I didn’t come to this life to teach from a place of logic and hum-drum information.

That would have been way too easy.

I came to share wisdom gained through constant and continuous growth and that means I get to walk my talk.

Shit a diddle doo.

Which is exactly where I found myself at 5 am as I sat down with my journal and pen excited to see what was being revealed to me from the dark realms of my subconscious mind today.

I should have known it would be around triggers as this was the assignment I was guided to give as pre-course work in Courage, Clarity and Confidence.

The courageous women in the group did the work, the real work, the uncomfortable work, which means my soul demanded the same of me.

As I started writing about my week ahead I found a constriction around my throat – uncomfortable enough that my breathing felt strained.

What was this about?

Aaah yes.  I’m going back to an environment where I’ve been invited to coach – but not speak my truth.  No spirituality.  No personal beliefs.  Just come in and fix the guys so they will conform to our expectations.

My ego is screaming!

How dare they tell me not to speak my truth?

How dare they say that I have to do my work without my voice?

How dare they?

I simply don’t understand why on earth I would even find myself in this position when in fact I had made it very clear to the Universe that I’m coming out of the spiritual closet and speaking my truth regardless of what the haters have to say.

Did someone not get the memo??

On the one hand the Big U has been surrounding me with my soul tribe.  Amazing leaders, achievers, change bringers and creatives who have a deep desire to live purpose-aligned lives which is going to (r)evolutionize the way in which people choose to live.

Fully empowered.

Fully owning their choices.

Fully thriving.

The danger in only working with my ‘ideal clients’ is that it’s really easy for me to get disconnected to the ‘norm’ which has the masses purely existing thinking they don’t have a choice.  Still thinking that conformity equals safety.  Still committing emotional and physical suicide because they’re hurting so much that they’ve suppressed their feelings thus losing an integral part of their humanity.

If I stop putting myself in those environments and physically connecting with the pain which these people are not prepared to process, I will forget why I started doing this work in the first place, stop feeling the excruciating pain all the time, stop fighting.

Not an option.

I didn’t come here to turn my back on my life purpose.

I didn’t come here to live in a bubble – okay that doesn’t mean I’m going to get off my fucking unicorn either.

What it does mean is that I’m going to keep asking to be triggered so I can do the work on myself thereby being of even better service to my soul tribe.

That means that I have to sharpen my gifts.

Such as being an empath.

Being an empath is not for sissies.

Being an empath means you have to be willing to open yourself up to connecting with others, reaching into their hearts and ‘feeling’ them.  The emotions that they have locked up because they simply don’t have the strength or courage to work through them.  And to then send them your love so the healing can start without them ever even knowing.

Which is exactly why the Universe is putting my ass in an environment where I’m going to have to use way more than my voice to bring about change.  I’m going to have to step up my game.  Next level Baby.  Always next level.

None of this learning or sharing would have been possible if I wasn’t open to being triggered.  If I wasn’t open to doing the work and investigating what’s really going on and what the gift is in all of this.

I could have chosen to just stay in indignant ego, stomped in, coach from a space of emptiness and obstinance, and stomped out.

I’m not.

I’m brining my A game.

Which is my message for you today.

YOU are powerful beyond your wildest imagination!

Which means jack shit unless you actually start believing it.

If you don’t start feeling safe within yourself and believe that you will never receive more than you can handle.

Unless you truly believe that everything happens FOR you and so do the work to find the treasure in the sand.

Triggers are one of those amazingly powerful tools we’ve received in this life to bring us back to truth.  How sad then that we are not taught how to embrace our triggers, how to investigate our triggers, how to heal our triggers.

This is what I know for sure – my soul tribe are here to bring change.  They’re here to heal the world.

BUT my soul tribe are also the courageous few prepared to do the work themselves!

Which is why my tribe is small but oh man they’re powerful!

We stand together because we don’t believe in competition – we don’t have to because we are not consumers, we’re creators.

We stand proud because we own our shit and then some.

We are strong because we seek out our triggers, we feel into our deepest emotions.

We know that it’s not about us but the work we’re here to do.

If you’re still reading you know this to be true.

Oh maybe you haven’t owned it yet.

You will.

You might be triggered as fuck by what I’m saying to you now and you might even leave my space.

That’s okay.

For when you’re ready, I’ll still be here.

Doing the work.

Just remember that time is a trickster – you might think you have all the time in the world, and maybe you do.  But every decision you make in every second impacts the ultimate outcome of your life.

You might think you’ll start Monday, or next week, or next month, or next year.  But every second until then is affecting the projection of your future.

Think about it.

It’s all about conscious choice.

Always is.

Only choice you don’t have is death.  That one is inevitable.

Thriving however, that’s a choice.

With love always,

Anel

PS:  Courage Clarity and Confidence is off to a powerful start.  The pre-course work has created new awarenesses and women are stepping into their power owning their shit in a transformational way.  Today we talked about triggers, ultimate desires and a little bit of magic.  We’re connecting to our breath this week and brining clarity to darkened thoughts.  This is hard work.  Deep work.  Courageous work.  The work that nobody wants to talk about.  The work that few will ever do in this lifetime.  The work that changes lives!  Not just yours, but everyone you will ever come into contact with after doing it.  I’m keeping the doors open this week for those who have been a little fearful of the voice of desire from within.  If you’re meant to be stepping into a new level of living, this is your time.  We’re waiting for you.

 

 

 

 

So you’ve lost your motivation. What now?

What an amazing thing – this life of ours.

It’s always changing, expanding, retracting, going up, plummeting down.

It’s on helluva ride Babe!

Which is why I find it fascinating how we go through times when we decide life is boring.  We feel lacklustre.  We drag our feet and our asses.  Heads hanging.  Shoulders slumped.

We wake up one day and we say “I’ve lost my motivation” and then don’t take action.  Or we soldier on and we take action but with such a shitty energy that we do more harm than good. Contaminating all our efforts with dark resentment.

It’s just not worth it.

I should know.

I’ve been just as guilty as everyone else of this.

I’ve taken it to the extreme where “I’m just not feeling it today” turned into “I’m just not feeling it” turned not “I’m just not feeling”.  A dangerous place to be my friend.

Without our emotions we are nothing but muscle tissue, fat, skin, bones walking around sneezing our virus of existence onto everyone.

We turn to our loved ones and expect them to save us from our own bullshit and then resent them for not being up to the task.

We turn to the professionals and expect them to give us the meaning of our life and if they don’t we call them incompetent quaks.

We sit on the world wide web scrolling for hours thinking that we’re going to find something on there that’s going to light the fire in our souls so we can say “HELL YEAH I’M BACK!”

Ain’t happening Sweetie.

Because everything that you’re looking for, is inside of you.

Your external search is a waste of time.

For the juice that lights you up is uniquely YOU.  Nobody else drinks the same flavour you do.  You’re THAT special.

Sometimes there are similar undertones which resonates with us.

I love riding my bike.

You might love riding bike too.

But I enjoy mud.

You think I’m a stinky pig at the end of the ride and stay on the dry lane.

So why are we finding it so hard these days to stay motivated?  To feel high on life?  To be on fire every goddamned day?

Well, because we’re so busy being busy that we’re forgetting to breathe!

To connect to the breath.

To feel the miracle of oxygen moving naturally in and out of our lungs, into our blood, understanding that THIS is what you ultimately need.

We’re so busy listening to everyone else that we’ve completely drowned out the voice inside that already has all our answers. Instead she is completely lost in the cacophony of contradicting information confusing the shit out of us.

We’re so busy forcing ourselves to adapt to the steps of others that we’re disconnecting from our feelings because if we had to admit that we actually hate what we’re being told to do, because it’s THE way to success, we would feel like fools.

So instead we take masking tape and we strap our inner muse’s mouth so shut that no screams can be heard.  We take our emotions and improsin them inside a capsule that we continuously flush down the toilet.  We immobilise our bodies by sitting on chairs in front of screens for hours instead of putting on our favourite tunes and shaking ass!

Because anything else would result in DISASTER!

We could actually wake up looking forward to another exciting day with a smile on our mouthes.

We could actually slow down and start the morning with connecting to the ‘truth that is me’ – breathing in sumptuous life, listening to our muse and knowing exactly what we desire to create and how to create it in a way that feels fan-fucking-tastic!

We could actually move our bodies in a way that releases trauma and unleashes motivation and joy and energy that has us going like an Energizer Bunny!

We could actually unleash our creativity and start producing epic results in a way that astounds people because it goes against everything that they’re being taught and it gives them reason to pause, to question, to try something in a different way.

OMG wouldn’t that be novel???

If you’ve lost your motivation then I’m going to invite you to start looking at where you lost your motivation?  At which point did it stop feeling good?  What were you doing that was feeling nauseating but you kept doing it because somebody told you that this is the only way?

And then figure out what you’re prepared to start doing about it!

Because until you actually draw a line in the sand and start thinking for yourself, start feeling for yourself, start doing for yourself, nothing will change.

Oh you might feel a burst of motivation and start taking action that gives you some results for a while, but then you will get to a point where you start sliding back into doing it the same way the other million sheople around you are doing it.  Because we have a biological desire to fit in, to belong.

Which would have been really cool if the world was filled with high vibe, badass, adventurous risk takers here to create and explore and redefine.

But it’s not.

And quite frankly that would be MY idea of awesome and it might have you retching at the pure thought.

Here is what I have learned in my almost 45 years (it’s my birthday in October if you’re wondering ;-)), everything is a choice.

Even motivation.

If I want to feel motivated it’s up to me to feel it!

Since I’ve felt the sting of demotivation it’s not something that I personally enjoy choosing.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t get tired and deflated at times.

I just have minuscule tolerance for my own bullshit.

My success strategy is to start my day with my faithful journal and my pen.  I start my day by feeling my feelings (I know that sounds weird but I’ve also learned that sometimes we don’t like owning our feelings and not acknowledging them always leads to disastrous consequences down the line), I investigate my feelings (why am I feeling this right now), I thank my feelings for the insights and then I choose how I am going to feel the rest of the day.

Because I just don’t have time to keep screwing around.

I’m taking the God-given gift of emotions and using them to my advantage.

You should give it a try.

You’ll feel like an ass in the beginning and I’ll be very surprised if you share this with anyone because society frowns on this type of work.  It’s too fluffy right?

It’s also really uncomfortable!  Being that in touch with emotion.  Being that vulnerable.  Being that open to self-investigation because heaven forbids we should discover that we’re committing creative suicide and living an average life of existence when we were born to thrive!

Then again Darling if you’re reading this far I happen to know that you’re here to bring change to a hurting world.  And you’re not going to be worth jack-shit to anyone else if you’re not prepared to start doing the work on yourself.

You have to stop regurgitating everyone else’s stuff and start using your own voice.

Some are going to think you’re crazy and stupid and try to put a stinking sock in your mouth.

But others are going to burst into tears of pure relief because finally their prayers have been answered and someone understands!

Do you really need more motivation than that?

Motivation is a choice.

Thriving is a choice.

Death isn’t.

That shit is inevitable.

I guess I’m interested in what you’re going to choose until then…

With love,

Anel

PS:  So maybe you’ve read this blog and wonder why on earth would you want to sign up to Courage, Clarity and Confidence if it’s just another program that’s going to teach you another set of steps to happiness?  Well that’s it – I’m not going to teach you any steps! Instead I’m going to take you on a journey of unfurling.  I’m going to walk beside you and we’re going to scrape away the mud that’s preventing you from seeing your beautiful reflection in the mirror of love.  I’m going to reconnect you with your breath, your emotions, your magic so that you can start singing the song that’s locked inside of you.  And best of all is that you get to do it alongside some seriously courageous warriors who are already doing their pre-course work because they’ve drawn the line.  They’ve made the choice to stop looking for answers outside so they can hear their wisdom.  They’re waiting for you!  Stop dilly-dallying and sign up today.

 

 

Today I choose not to give in to the exhaustion but to keep rising.

I was going to write you a pretty piece about my tattoo.

I was sitting on  960 words but I wasn’t feeling it.

It was a cop-out blog.

It was an easy blog

And it says nothing about the storm inside of me.

The one I wanted to hide from you today.

Because it feels vulnerable.

Because it still feels as raw as the skin on my shoulder.

Because right now I’m still trying desperately to shelter those around me from the fury raging in me.

Ssometimes I just get so tired of the fight.

Maybe you can relate.

Maybe not.

That doesn’t really matter.

What matters is that this is my truth.

The truth is that I also get tired of getting up each day whilst others are still in the land of dreams.  I also get tired of putting on my armour, wondering who will be the meanest sonofabitch to smash me in the face today.

A faceless hater online?

The voice of ego in my head?

The echo of voices past?

The force of Resistance constantly taking the art which demands creation and putting it on a top of a mountain for me to climb?

I just get so tired.

I get tired of doing the bloody mindset work every day.

I get tired of my relentless determination to scrape out the barrel of bullshit left by the fear, pain and shame of others who weren’t prepared to do the work.

So they offloaded on me.

For as long as I can remember.

Because I was different.

I din’t fit into their box of what a good girl looks like.  Acts like.  Speaks like.

They lashed out.

They inflicted more pain than they will ever be willing to own up to.  Leaving monstrous ugly red scars in my heart.

“You’ll never amount to anything”

“You’re nobody special”

“Nobody will ever respect your opinion”

“You’re nothing but a piece of ass that men want to screw”

Oh yes, I’ve picked some real cherries for my life lessons.

And most days I’m so grateful for the lessons and the learning.

But sometimes in a moment of weakness, I’m just done with hurting.

Time to choose.

Again.

Always more choices.

I can give in to the exhaustion.

I can give in to the temptation to just walk away from my purpose and go work for some big corporation where I can be a faceless cog in a big machine churning out more of the same.

I can make it ‘easy’ on myself.

I can go back to living a ‘normal’ life.

I can do that.

And I consider it because you know what, the alternative, the path of my purpose is traitorous and frustrating and never-ending.  I hurt.  I cry.  I bleed.  I scream when nobody is listening.  And I do it more often that you will ever know.

For my path is one of constant growth and doing the work that matters.

Every single day.

I’ve done it before and walked away from it all.  I’ve turned my back on my purpose and my soul clients and gone to do the ‘easy’ life.

It killed me.

Simple as that.

So I sit down and I do more of the work.

I sit down with my journal and my pen and I write “Dear God, give me the courage to see that which I’ve not been able to see before.  Give me strength Lord for I of and in myself do not have what it takes to take one more fucking step.”

And it flows.

Ink.

Tears.

Snot.

Compassion.

Forgiveness.

Healing.

Clarity.

I reconnect.

I reconnect with the singular meaning of my life.

To be in service to those that I agreed to lead in this lifetime.

To show the way from a path so smothered in the dark temptation of fitting in, of belonging in the safe folds of the grey masses to walking away from it all and finding your own path.

Your own truth.

Your own way.

To take the red pill knowing that once you do you can never un-see the truth.

It’s not an easy choice my friend.

It’s not an easy path.

It’s so long.

It’s so hard.

I know – for I never came here to stand on the mountain top and shout directions out to you.

I’m walking with you.

Every goddamned day.

And I will keep walking with you.  For you.

I’ll keep taking the blows.  I’ll keep sucking in the sweet taste of my blood.  I will gladly take the ripping of my flesh, of my heart.

For I have learned that the blows will keep falling.  Scars will be left.

But those scars are in fact my blessing.

Scar tissue makes me stronger.

Stop hiding your scars with shame.

Wear your scars with pride.

It means you’ve been courageous enough to leave the masses – even if just for a moment.

You’ve paid the price for speaking your truth.

That makes you a goddamn warrior!

Know this – even warriors get tired.

Walking the path is already arduous.  Walking alone is gruelling.

We can all do with some company at times.  Someone on a similar path.  Who gets the crazy.

I own the fact that I probably would have stayed down if it wasn’t for all the warriors the Universe sends my way when I need it most.

A crazy-ass friend.

A hardcore coach.

A deck of cards that had me sobbing tears of relief this morning as the message spoke to my soul and reminded me that I’m not losing my fucking mind.  That I’m going in the right direction.

If you’re feeling tired today then take my hand my friend.

Let’s wipe off our tears together.

Let’s take a deep breath.

Let’s put a t-spoon of cement in our black coffee and Harden The Fuck Up!

Our fight isn’t over.

The fight will never be over.

We have to be prepared to keep hurting.

For our craft.

For our passion.

For our purpose.

For no matter how ‘successful’ you become in this lifetime there will always be more work to do, more fights to fight, more blood to bleed.

Are you prepared to keep getting up?

I am.

I’m not done.

I’m not dead yet bitches.

I will rise again and again and you will feel the scorching heat of my passion for as long as I can take one more breath.

Screw existence.

Screw settling.

Shove the blue pill.

I rise.

You coming?

You’re gonna die anyway.  Why not choose to thrive until then?

With all my love,

Anel

 

PS:  Courage, Clarity and Confidence.

 

 

 

 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just bat-shit crazy for seeking out my pain.

It started 1 am.

I woke up for no apparent reason.

One side of my brain was trying to convince me that I’ve had a full nights’ sleep.

The other side made me aware of the fact that my eyes were hurting – a sure sign that I needed more sleep.

But sleep had left the building.

At first I lay there thinking of all the reasons I’m so grateful to be lying next to my peacefully sleeping husband.

Gratitude turned into irritation.

Why the fuck does he get to sleep whilst I’m lying awake listening to his even, deep, restful breaths.

I pumped his ribs “Turn on your side”

Which is code for “You’re snoring”

Except the poor bastard wasn’t snoring at all.  I was just feeling shitty.

Sometimes I can be real bitch.

Another 30 minutes passed.

No sign of the Sandman.

Fuck.

I have so much to do today I can’t afford to be tired!

By 2 am I gave up the fight, took my Kindle and sat in the lounge reading.

3 am I switched off the light again.

This is ridiculous!

5 am the birds started chirping on my phone – my alarm choice which normally makes me feel like Snow White.  This morning I could have taken out a gun and shot the happy little bastards.

Coffee.

What do I need?

I need my coach.  She’ll shift my sorry ass fast.  Somehow she always knows what to say.

And true to form she did – I was reminded in her very matter of fact tone that at any given moment I get to choose my emotions.  Sure, I could choose to feel sorry for myself and tell my body how exhausted I am and stomp around all day getting pretty much nothing done.

Or.

I could focus on my desired outcomes that I’m working on at the moment, figure out what I need to feel to succeed, and then just choose to feel it taking action that would enhance the feeling instantly.

Simple.

It’s always so fucking simple.

I thought about it.

What do I need to feel to achieve my goals?

I need to feel focussed.

I need to feel badass.

I need to feel confident.

I need to feel connected to my purpose.

I need to feel energised.

I need to feel like ME!

What do I do to feel like me?

I hurt like a mother and push through it.

Shit, that sounds a bit insane right?

I can already hear the sirens pulling up outside my house.  Two men putting me in a straightjacket and loading me in the back of the white van to whisk me off to Crazy-Ville whilst I’m screaming like a wild animal black hair flying everywhere.

But it’s true.

There was a time when I would hide the fact that I intentionally use my body to unleash my emotions – and apparently I have a lot of pain.  The blessing of a life chosen in service of healing others and then raising my hand and saying “I’ll feel all the shit so I never lose my empathy”.

I use her to absorb the turmoil that’s going on in my head and to bring up that which I need to deal with for me to go next level.  I take her to my pain, my sorrow, my shame.  I take her and I give her all of it and then she gives it right back to me.

Every ounce of it.

She gives me more pain than most would ever dream of enduring.

She makes me choose.

Stop or push on.

And it is a choice my friend.

Every fucking time.

Whatever is happening in your life – you get to choose.

Do you choose to give up.

Do you choose to push on.

Do you choose to hide from the pain.

Do you choose to find the pain and work through it.

Do you choose to be normal.

Do you choose to be weird.

Do you choose to feel shitty.

Do you choose to feel badass howling at the moon.

This morning I chose to get up, lace up, and run to my pain.

I chose to connect with my inner self.

I chose to see Luna and to remember that she shines no matter what.  She doesn’t give a shit if people stop to appreciate her beauty – she shines.  She doesn’t switch off just because there are some clouds blocking out her light – she shines.  She doesn’t immediately sit down when the sun starts creeping up on the horizon – she shines.

What a magnificent reminder of how to live a powerful life.

So often we only shine as long as others are paying attention.  As long as it’s fair weather.  As long as nobody else shines brighter.

Why?

If you know you’re here for a reason and you have a purpose, it’s your responsibility to shine.

Regardless of who might be looking.

Regardless of what’s going on in your personal life.

Regardless of how much sleep you’ve had.

Just Fucking Shine!

Even that is a choice.  To shine or not to shine…

Everything is a choice.

I just don’t have time to make shitty choices for a long period of time anymore.  Been there.  Done that.  Chucked the pills into the bin.

I don’t have time to play by ordinary rules and beliefs that states we must be fearless and avoid pain at all cost.

We’re going to be scared.

We’re going to hurt.

Personally I choose to choose my stench of fear and my brand of pain.

I choose to use whatever God gave me in his wisdom as tools to live a powerful life filled with growth and learning.

Not that I expect you to make the same choices as me.

That would be a little fucked up.

We’re not the same person.

We don’t have the same life purpose.

We don’t have the same lessons.

We don’t have the same strengths.

Which is exactly why I’m encouraging you today to figure out what feels good to you.  What is it that you would feel when you have achieved your most transformational goals, what can you do to unleash those emotions right now and then choose to feel them!  Or not.

But at least now you’re making a conscious choice.

You step back into your power.

You are already a victor regardless of your choice.

And why wouldn’t you want to choose Darling?

Why the hell not?

Other than fear.

Fear of your power and admitting that your life is the result of your daily choices.

Which would mean that if you don’t like what you see you can choose differently.

Scary shit.

Owning that amount of power.

But I know you.

You have what it takes.

You’re a badass.

You’re a leader.

You came here to do epic shit and change people’s lives.

What will it take for you to choose to do so now instead of ten years from now?

Figure it out.

Today.

For death is coming.  You can choose to thrive now.

With love always,

Anel

PS:  It saddens me to see how few people are making the connection between body, mind and spirit.  Oh I’m not talking about academically – I know we all say the words.  But very few people actually connect with the wisdom of living it.  Courage, Clarity and Confidence is going to be one helluva ride Darling.  Six weeks of me walking beside you and showing you how to connect to your true purpose and your biggest vision.  How to let go, how to release, how to forgive so that you can move forward without the weight of things long past which is preventing you from loving yourself enough to thrive. I ‘m going to connect you gently to your body so that you make more intuitive choices and give you the confidence to start trusting your intuition.  I anticipate that there will be tears.  I anticipate there will be screams.  I anticipate there will be howling. I anticipate that there will be laughter.  That’s because Courage, Clarity and Confidence is for the natural leader, high achiever who is ready to do the work and make a difference in the lives of others.  Are you?  Are you ready to do the deep work that’s going to change your entire life?  We start Monday.  If you haven’t checked out the details yet do so here.  And if you have any questions hit me a mail and ask!

 

 

 

 

In any moment you can choose to be happy. Or not.

It’s Monday night.

I fucking love Mondays.

Okay so Saturdays are phenomenal because I have more time to ride my bike.

Sundays are cool because I get to spend some quality time with my family at lunch.

But come Sunday night I’m chomping at the bit.

I’m rearing to go!

Let me at ’em!

I want to get back to work.

I want to create.

I want to inspire.

I want to connect.

Because my work is my life.

I adore it!

Which is why I love Mondays.

As I start winding down getting ready to cook supper, the messages start coming up.

“AAAARGH tomorrow is Monday”

“I hate Mondays”

“Come back weekend!”

And I laugh.

I laugh because I used to think like that.

Until I chose to stop thinking like that.

There came a point where I simply decided that I was spending way too much time at work for me to hate it.

So I changed it.

First I let my rebellious self come out to play and I made deals with my managers – they would stop clock-watching and micro-managing me, I would deliver.

They did and so did I.

Whilst others were sitting in their cubicle offices, scrolling Facebook, drinking shit coffee and using up copious amounts of toilet paper (which all cost the company money), I was out seeing clients in a high vibe all morning, making an impact and then spending the afternoon doing whatever made me happy.  Which had me rearing to go to my clients in high vibe the next morning.

But of course the Universe had other plans for me so there came a time when I was blessed with an asinine boss who made things more challenging for me.

Again, I chose to change it.

I took an enormous breath of air (just in case it would be my last) and made the leap of faith into the unknown world of the self-employed.

KAWABUNGA!

I opened my first company in a freezing 3 X 2 meters concrete room behind our garage with no carpet, a tiny window, a fucked up desktop computer and a phone.

I had zero experience building a business.  Zero capital.  Just a burning desire to be happy and to make a difference in someone’s life.

Before you say all the normal bullshit of I was lucky or it was easy for me know this:  I am no different from you!  I had two small boys aged 5 and 2.5.  We were still reeling from the financial impact of our rather disastrous move to Ireland and then back.  I was still on the up from kicking depression to the curb.

Things were motherfucking TOUGH!

But after going to the dark side I just decided that misery wasn’t worth it.

Not at any price.

And no matter how tough things got, I would simply always have to get tougher.

Which is how my life as an entrepreneur started.

It’s never been smooth sailing.  I simply don’t believe that it is for any entrepreneur.  No matter how successful your business becomes, shit always happens.

I built my business up to employing six staff members and then lost everything.

EVERYTHING.

I had to start again from scratch.

But it was worth it.

And it continues to be.

Because I’m fucking happy!

Because I love Mondays.

Does this mean that I don’t have shitty days?

ROTFLMFAO!

Does it mean that I love everything that I do every day?

Hell no!

But I make it work for me.

Take cooking as an example.

There was a time when I ADORED cooking!

I know I know – hard to believe.

In fact I come from a background of running and owning restaurants.

Then I had kids.

Who are full of shit.

Whose pallets were only fond of Spaghetti Bolognaise and fish fingers.  Anything else they would turn their noses up at.  Or not eat at all.

So I gave in and cooked boring bland kids food.

Until I hated cooking boring bland kids food.

Plus when you have to fucking cook for full of shit people 365 days a year for what’s going on to 18 years now, somehow it can kill the joy.

Which is why I went on strike a couple of months ago and refused to cook for my family.

You’re hungry?

Cook your own goddamn food!

Stomp stomp two year old tantrum.  I do throw these with complete passionate exhilaration.  I’m sure it’s quite exquisite to behold.

It was kinda awesome.

For a while.

But in truth (and I hope they don’t read this blog) I missed loving to cook.

I missed cutting up the fresh ingredients and crunching down on a carrot whilst slicing and dicing.

I missed tasting the pot to see what else I can add to transform the meal from bland to bursting with flavour.

I missed the energy in the kitchen of bubbly water and steaming pots.

It’s alive!

It’s like doing a dance with what the earth gave us to nourish our bodies and souls.

So this weekend I decided to take back my joy.

I put on some Andrea Bocelli, poured a glass of Riesling, and cooked and cooked and cooked.

We had a feast!

Which is how I choose to cook from now on.

Every night.

Even the simplest of meals.

And I choose to then sit down and mindfully enjoy every morsel with a glass of wine and candle light with Andrea romancing me softly in the background.

Because it makes me happy.

It feeds my soul.

And because it’s a powerful fucking choice I make every day.

To be happy.

Know this Darling, no matter what your circumstances right now, you CAN choose happiness.

You can stop your shit and get out of the drama and ask yourself better quality questions:

  • What is good in what I’m doing?  This could be an aspect that you enjoy or the impact that it has on others or connecting it with your purpose.  Anything.  Find the good.
  • How can I do it in a  way that makes it fun?  Can you listen to music or light a candle?  Maybe it’s about having that big-girl conversation with your boss about how to get the best out of you instead of having you sit in peak hour traffic and wasting toilet paper.  Sitting in a high vibe cafe drinking the best coffee in town whilst catching up on admin.
  • What’s the price of my happiness?  Get really honest here.  Look at that pay check or the balance in your account at the end of the month and ask yourself if this is the price of your happiness?  And here’s the thing, when your current levels of happiness is greater than your bank balance, you know you’re a winner!
  • What would this look like when I brought my highest standards of excellence to it?  This is another game changer for me!  Personally I find that half the time misery comes from mediocre work standards.  From me doing it the way most people do it.  I’m not here to be fucking mediocre and I detest average standards.  So the fastest way for me to increase my levels of joy is for me to bring my A game and watch the whole field change. Try it.  It’s fun!

Today my message really is about the power of choice which I think is highly under-utilised by society in general.

I hear people speak like victims

 

Every

Day.

It drives me nuts!

Because everything IS a choice.  Every time you SAY you don’t have a choice, well you’re choosing to feel powerless.

I’m not saying that our choices are always easy.

And the life changing choices are normally the hardest.

Which is why so few people make them.

They prefer to settle.

They prefer to exist.

But for you and I, existence is simply not an option.

Existence is a fate worse than death.

And you know we’re going to die anyway.

Death is inevitable.

Thriving on the other hand is a tough choice to make.

How do you choose today?

With love always,

Anel

PS:  Are you ready to finally break that frustrating glass ceiling that keeps you stuck in your excuses and instead experience true success in your business, your health, your life?  Then check out Courage, Clarity and Confidence!  This is my brand new low-end program that’s going to transform lives like never before!!  This is for you if you’re ready to bring the biiiiig changes to your life.  When you’re ready to take that leap of faith and go from ordinary existence, looking the same as everyone else, paying the bills like everyone else, to extraordinary levels of excellence where you thrive!  Where you make the choices that light you up.  Where you make the decisions that are in alignment with your true values and purpose and that just feels fucking amazing!  This is for the high vibe badass achiever craving a life of freedom, adventure and a little mystery.  A journey where we bring your body back to life.  Where you fall in love with yourself.  Where you feel free!  It’s your time now Darling.  Take the leap!

Clear the clutter to rediscover the beauty that’s been there all the time.

I’m still in the turbulent throws of up-levelling.

Things are shifting.

Things are changing.

Things are more than a little scary to say the least.

I’m continuously guided to take action which on the surface appears inconsequential but they’re revealing hidden truths.

Such as the need to clear out my cupboard yesterday.

Again.

Fuck.

I’d done it not so long ago.

But the feeling persisted so I opened my doors with the expectation of throwing out one or two items.

Maybe.

I set the intention that anything that doesn’t make me feel sexy, powerful, feminine, opulent, has to go.

I emptied out the first rack and as I sorted the items into ‘stay’ and ‘release’ I was more than a little surprised that the ‘stay’ pile was smaller than the ‘release’.

Fear sprung up unexpectedly.

Ooooh, yum!  A message!  What was this all about?  What were the surface thoughts that sprung to mind?

What if the weather changes all of a sudden and I need these items?

What if never make another cent for as long as I live and I can’t replace any of them?

What if I go into that big corporate boardroom and I need the stuffy shirt after all?

Which is fucking insane!

But human.

Funny thing is, I could get rid of three quarters of my wardrobe and I would STILL have clothes to wear every day regardless of the temperature.

I’ve already made the decision that if another corporate chooses to work with me it will be because they resonate with my truth, not with my image.

Just keeping it real.

I continued.

Rack after rack.

Finally as I stood back I was amazed at the result.

Not only has my wardrobe significantly shrunk in size, but I rediscovered items I had long forgotten about!  Really gorgeous items such as my Chinese Silk PJ’s.

My wardrobe is filled with beauty.

My wardrobe is now beautiful to look at in itself.  A collection of art on display.

Here’s the thing though – I know that everything is connected.

Everything in our outer world is a reflection of our inner states and beliefs.

Which meant that once again it was time to investigate what’s going on for me.

Why did I default to wearing really shapeless boys pyjamas when I had these???

Easy.

It felt safe to wear boys PJ’s.

I felt invisible wearing boys PJ’s.

I suppressed my feminine talents by wearing boys PJ’s.

And shapeless tops.

And baggy Jeans.

And old tracksuit pants that don’t fit me properly.

I call them ‘comfortable’ and ‘easy’ to slip on.

But that’s bullshit.

In truth they are ‘safe’ and ‘average’.

Bleugh!

They are cleverly disguised tools I’ve used to fit in with my surroundings like human bodies painted to melt into the background.

To not stand out.

To not get noticed.

Which made me look even further for evidence of where we as a family tend to use the ‘cheap and cheerful’ things which has an impact on our energy.

This coming Saturday we’re unpacking ALL the cupboards!

And the garage courtesy of the Universe as it got flooded by the washing machine outlet yesterday.

Here’s the learning though – safe is fucked up!

Safe had me wearing boys PJ’s at night which is the time I dream my most femininely empowered visions for God’s sakes!

Safe had me drinking out of cheap glasses when I have crystal in the cupboard!

In truth safe is not keeping me safe at all.

Safe is killing my soul!

For my soul is hungry for adventure and growth and expansion and impact.

My soul is starving for beauty and opulence and freedom.

My soul salivates with the desire to thrive!

As I unloaded the bundles of clothes into the charity bin I felt an immense sense of gratitude wash over me!

It was as if a steel band was unlocked from my chest and I could breathe freely again.

Every item will serve someone else beautifully.

A boy will have cozy PJ’s to curl up in and dream of naughty shenanigans for school.

A woman will have a pink leather jacket that has her strutting into her next interview with confidence, changing her future forever.

It’s all connected.

Everything.

We’re here to serve by not holding on out of fear but to continuously expand and relax into the flow of things.

That includes our ‘stuff’.

Things that served us once upon a time but now keeps us restricted.

And trust me – quantity never trumps quality!

Not for me anyway.

Exceptional quality is one of my core values which demands that I honour it every day for me to be in alignment.

And alignment has become a non-negotiable for anything else is just normal.

Ordinary.

Average.

And I’m done with all that shit.

I’m going magical.

Extraordinary.

Exceptional.

Are you joining me?

I promise it will be a little scary.  It will be filled with uncertainty.  It will ask you to have faith like never before.  In the Universe, in yourself.

But it will be an adventure!  Thrilling!  Fun!

If so, I invite you to start with a simple action such as your wardrobe.

Set your intention of how you want each and every item to make you feel.

And be ruthless.

Be courageous.

Let.

It.

Go.

But I also want you to do this consciously.  Curiously.  Wanting to understand what’s the connection for you.  What’s the meaning of certain items that maybe have you feel less that magnificent.  Start making the connections.  Otherwise it’s just another action.

And you and I are done with just taking mindless actions.

We’re taking conscious action.

We’re taking aligned action.

We’re taking purposeful action.

For that’s just how we roll.

I would absolutely LOVE to hear from you.

What did you let go?

How did it feel?

What does this new space allow in?  And with this I’m not referring to new clothes.  I’m referring to new creative energy.

For there was a time to hide.  But that time has passed.

Now is your time to rise Darling.

Rise.

For death is inevitable.  Thriving is a choice.

With love always,

Anel.

PS:  It’s time to go deeper than ever before.  Right back into your foundation.  It’s time to stop doing poly-filla courses and to do the real work.  The work that will transform all areas of your life – because it IS all connected.  Courage, Clarity and Confidence is an eclectic six week adventure where we connect you to your purpose in a way that will never have you give up three feet from gold again.  Mind, body and soul is united through mind-set, yoga and magic.  If you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired and you desire to own who you truly are, then this is the course you’ve been wishing for.  After all, everything you see in your physical reality you’ve created with your thoughts.  Which means really this course is YOUR creation, not mine.  I’m simply the vehicle for your desired outcomes.  However the Universe will deliver everything you ask, it’s still up to you to take the action.  Don’t say you’ll wait for next time – it’s your time NOW.  Take my hand Darling and let’s dance.

 

 

A beautiful unfurling of remembrance

When I first sent Kaylene the message that I’m going back to black, she was less than enthusiastic.

Way less.

In fact was crystal clear that she thought this was one of my shittiest ideas ever.

But I knew it was time.

The knowing’s been building up inside for a while now.

In my fear I kept pushing it to the side – I’ll get to it next year.  I have tons of time.  No need to rush.

Just be for now.

OMG I really can bullshit myself with the best of them at times.

No.

It’s NOW.

So I sat in the chair and watched in excited anticipation as she reluctantly pushed the colour out of an obstinate tube.

Three hours later I looked at my reflection, my heart expanding.

I know you.

I remember you.

You’re my truth.

You’re my perfection.

In a moment of pure connection I fell in love with myself.

Maybe you get this.

Maybe you don’t.

Maybe you think I’m just full of shit.

But when you’ve gone through most of your life abandoning your essence to conform to the expectations of others in a desperate effort to be loved and liked, you start walking with your shoulders hunched slightly, your chin sinks a little lower, your eyes sheltered from yourself – a shell filled with shame and fear and resentment and guilt.

The first time I was introduced to mirror work I thought it was the dumbest shit I’ve ever come across.  I stood in front of that mirror for the longest time saying “I love you” with my mouth whilst everything inside of me screamed “YOU FUCKING LYING BITCH!”

I didn’t.

I didn’t see anything that was worthy of my love or anyone else’s.

I had lied to myself.  I had cheated on myself.  I had poisoned myself.  I had abused myself.  I had locked my truth in a coffin and put away the key.

Who could possibly love THAT?

I had no respect for myself.  I was nothing but a traitor – to my boys, to my soul tribe, but most of all to myself.

And let me tell you Darling that there is nothing more excruciating than betrayal of self!

Nothing.

It’s soul suicide which is probably why so many people are walking around – the living dead.

The journey back to love is torturous and scary and so fucking slow that at times you forget that you’re even on the path.

What makes it even harder is the fact that when we make the decision to start healing, our physical reality remains a reflection of our old self choices for quite some time.  I’m going to stick my neck out here and say that even though internal change can happen in an instance, the external change can take fucking years to catch up.

Which means that now you have to become twice as strong because you need the tenacity to keep going and form new neural pathways, you have to reprogram your beliefs, you have to up level physically, mentally, emotionally AND on top of that you have to do this in faith even though your external world appears to be in complete contradiction.

It takes grit!

It takes discipline!

It takes dedication!

Which of course are not exactly characteristics which are common place in a society who believes that everything should fall in their laps instantly.

Anything else is just too much effort Daaaaahling.

But you’re fucking worth the effort!

You’re worth doing the work day in and day out and waking up one day and exclaiming “IT’S TIME!”

You’re worth looking in the mirror and falling in love with the soul reflected in your eyes.

You’re worth filling your lungs with sweet life oxygen and translating that into sound as your words of truth are spoken out loud.

You’re worth feeling love as you wrap your arms around yourself and radiate from within.

You’re fucking worth it!

And let me tell you Darling that it’s never about learning anything new!  It’s not about changing.  It’s not about faking you.

It’s the other way around.

It’s about going within and listening to the wisdom of all time that resides in your heart.  It’s about peeling back the layers of protection you’ve added over the years in response to the hurt and revealing the real you – the glorious you.  It’s about becoming MORE of your authentic self.

Ultimately it’s about trusting yourself again.

The way you did when you started crawling.

The way you did when you took your first wobbly step.

The way you did when you danced like a monkey with your chubby arms flailing about and feeling like a goddamn princess.

Don’t you miss that?

Don’t you crave that?

Don’t you just want to look in the mirror again and feel soooooo immensely fucking proud of yourself that you can’t stop yourself from unleashing healing onto the world?

Don’t you want to speak your truth regardless of the naysayers?

Don’t you want to get out of that fucking coffin that’s been suffocating you with the stench of decay?

Then RISE Darling RISE!

It starts with a declaration to yourself, to the Universe, to all who are in hearing distance that you will NEVER again tolerate patience in the return to loving yourself.  You will NEVER again dim your bright for the dark.  You will NEVER again listen to the lies of others when you know the truth within yourself.

The truth that you matter.

The truth that you’re enough.

The truth that you’re magnificence in human form here to make a powerful impact.

Make no mistake, the declaration takes a shit ton of courage.  In fact I bet only 1% of people who are reading this will take this first step.

Are you that 1%?

Are you?

Will you do it?

Ultimately it’s your choice.

Everything is your choice.

And if you choose to remain the same even if you don’t love the same because that’s enough for you, then I completely respect that.

But if you choose to remain the same because you’re too fucking scared to change then I want to rage in your heart and say to you today grow a pair!  A gigantic pair!

AND

MOVE

YOUR

FUCKING

ASS

FORWARD!

For ultimately death is inevitable.  But thriving is a choice that YOUR soul clients need you to make today.

With love always,

Anel

PS:  If you feel the stirring in your heart to rise up, to connect with your purpose, to wake up with enthusiasm and do your work in this world with the magical power that flows in your veins then you want to get into Courage, Clarity and Confidence.  A six week adventure where you take that gorgeous finger of yours, draw a line in the sand, and step the fuck over!  Together we’ll do the work, the real work, the soul work.  From connecting to your purpose, to letting go of the albatross dragging you down, to lighting the spark of magic in your heart.  Because you matter Darling. The work that you’re here to do matters.  And this is the time to start doing it.  We start Monday the 14th of August (New Zealand Time).  Get all the details here.  Let’s dance.