Reflections of Self

Coach:  ” You are balls-to-the-wall and it scares the fuck out of people. They don’t think they can hang…”

Me:  “ROTFLMAO”

This was an actual email exchange last week.

I laughed because I know that’s not true.  It’s not that my approach to life that scares people.  There’s nothing that I can do that every other person who’s ever lived can’t do.  They have all the same internal resources as I do.  Most of them have way more external resources and stronger bodies than I do.

It’s just that not all of them choose balls-to-the-wall and instead of owning that choice, they project a story on to me.

I discovered a few years ago that the all-knowing, all-loving, all-supportive Universe gave us everything we need to create an epic life.  What I love even more is the way in which the Universe has a wicked sense of humor (she must be a middle-aged woman!) by hiding the eggs and then burning the map – NIIIIICE.

Kinda makes the entire adventure much more thrilling – don’t you think?

One of the clues on the map is people.

We love them, we hate them, we love to hate them.

In truth they’re nothing more than reflections of the gazillion aspects, potentials, personality traits, within us.  A gleaming mirror with a spotlight illuminating every bump and pimple – no hiding Jack.

Some of those aspects we’re very comfortable with and we claim them instantly – ‘Oh YES, we’re like peas in a pod.’

Some of those aspects bring up a whole ugly can full of uncomfortable emotions such as shame, guilt, resentment, anger, fear (need I go on?) so we prefer to disillusion ourselves by thinking that if we ignore them they will seize to be – ‘Oh hell no, we’re nothing alike.’

All of them (people and the shit they do) are opportunities for introspection, growth, and self-empowerment.  When we own the light AND the dark, AND we consciously choose which aspects we desire to play with at what time, we become pretty unstoppable.

Should you choose to accept this mission of phenomenal personal growth keep reading.

(I know you’re already hearing “This message will self-destruct in ten, nine, eight, seven…)

Let’s be completely honest here – this stuff is way easier said than done.  Asking you to look at every person around you and OWN that within yourself (even your in-laws), is like asking you to french-kiss a cactus.  Who does that?

Actually, sometimes I do.

You can too.

If you choose to. (See how often the word CHOOSE is coming up?)

And here’s the other brilliant news today – you don’t have to figure it all out yourself or do it all on your own!

My personal awakening came from reading Byron Katie’s book “Loving what is” and doing “The Work”.  This book and process is one of the most annoyingly effective ways of finding the truth that lies under all the projected BS we hang on to those around us.  It should come with a warning label – ‘Are You Ready For This?’

But seriously – it’s BRILLIANT.

I can’t tell you how many pages and pages of the work I have done, and continue to do.

I’ve personally found that once you see the mirror, it’s very hard to go back to NOT seeing the mirror.

Is this awakening challenging?  Hell yeah!

Worth it?  You bet!

And if you’re ready to own your balls-to-the-walls aspect, I’m ready to hang.

I promise I don’t bite 😉

Book your free coaching consultation here.

So What If I Howl?

This blog is dedicated to Susie.  Thank you for honoring my howl Sister.

It’s an interesting experience – this thing called social life.

When we first leave our mother’s womb, we’re encouraged to cry out in a loud albeit squeaky voice.  To be heard.  To be celebrated.

Then… not so much.

Instead our cries are seen as a sign that something’s wrong – a loud interruption which has to be silenced asap.

Sometimes through the gentle rock of loving arms.

Sometimes with angry voices and tears of frustration.

Sometimes through no response at all.

We’re told we are a social creature too weak to live alone.  We quickly learn the language of our ‘people’ to feel safe, to find our place, to belong.  We learn that certain expressions are welcomed, rewarded with sweeties or loving words and bright smiles.  Others are met with disdain leaving us filled with a sense of shame and uncertainty in self.  What have I said wrong?  Why doesn’t he like it when I express my thoughts and feelings?  Why am I being shunned?

So we adapt instead of understanding that even though we look the same, we’re not necessarily the same.

Some learn to sing like the pretty birds who twitter excitedly in the morning.  Others to roar like the mighty lion surrounding themselves with a powerful pride and strut through the world.  Some just keep quiet altogether and snuggle in slumber like the hibernating bear.

And then there are those of us who turn our backs on it all.  Instead we love the silence which is created through the path walked alone.  Silence which gets broken when the passion in our bellies rise into our throats and tears out in a mighty howl.  Not expecting or requiring an answer.  Not needing or wanting anyone to rush to our side.

We choose times when we seek the fun playful energy of the pack.  Where collaborative power is seen at its best.  And then, without explaining our reasons or our desires, we leave again and walk alone.

I’ve found that those who are not of my breed find it hard to comprehend.  In their effort to place me in a category they can understand they judge me as a loner, an introvert, shy.  I’ve even been called selfish and a freak for loving my own company as much as I do.

Funny thing is whether a bird or a lion, a bear or a wolf, all is celebrated by Creator as equal.  Each is perfect in their exquisite detail down to the last toe-nail.

Each creature lives comfortably with their kind.  You don’t see birds trying to roar and you don’t see bears trying to fly.  It’s only people who appear to put continuous judgement, making desperate attempts to change their inherent spirit to be one of the ‘cool kids’.  And quite frankly that hurts like a mofo.

What if we stopped that shit?

What if we accepted and celebrated the differences?

What if instead of encouraging others to be like us, we call to ourselves those who are like-minded?

Today I invite you to sit down in a moment of silence and explore your truth.  Shut out the noise of media, draw the curtains and journal on the following:

  • When do you feel uncomfortable, fraudulent, shame and fearful?
  • Who is with you?
  • What are you saying to yourself and those around you?
  • What’s their normal response and how does that make you feel?
  • Now ask yourself when do you feel completely alive?
  • What are you doing at the time?
  • Who are you with?
  • What do you say to yourself and those around you (if there are any)?
  • What is the normal response and how does that make you feel?

I know that deep down you already know that the latter are your people!

Those are the ones you want to talk to.  The ones who will get that a growl has a million different nuances.  That sometimes your passion booms without restraint and sometimes it’s a mere sigh.

You need to let go of the rest.  Whether colleagues, clients, lovers or friends.

I know I know – not easy.  But here’s the thing:  if you love them with all your heart and you’re not feeling amazing in their space then they’re not feeling on fire around you either.  Which means the most loving thing to do is in fact to walk away.

It’s time to own who you are without apology or compromise.

Tweet, roar, snooze or howl Darling.

Someone out there needs to hear the pure sound.

And they will be astounded by you.

 

Ready to dive in and own your truth?  Then let’s connect.

 

Friday Thrive – Numero Uno

So often I see people giving up on their dreams because they just don’t have the time available to put in the work to make it happen.

Stop the insanity!

YOU come first.  Yes I repeat – YOU COME FIRST.

The Era of Accountability

Life has a wonderful way of rewarding courage.

For me the greatest reward of moving to a new country on the basis of faith, has been my re-connection with Source and my spiritual life.  No longer driven by fear (Oh dear God please just keep my family safe tonight and don’t let us be killed) but rather wonder and appreciation (Dear God you outdid yourself with this sunrise!  How do you do that??) I’ve been gifted with a new way of looking at life and the miracle we call earth.

One of the gifts appeared in the very unexpected form of documentaries showing the clear correlation between the increase of life-threatening diseases and the consumption of animal products (check out Forks over Knives and Food Choices to get you started) .  More than the biological composition, it’s the way in which these poor animals are being treated from birth to slaughter thereby infusing every cell in their body with suffering, pain and terror, that is then consumed by us which is causing us to quite literally eat ourselves ill (if you’re still telling yourself the story that animals don’t have feelings you’re in for a rude awakening my friend).

Our eating habits are also leading to the destruction of earth’s resources.  Not that many people give a shit quite frankly, as they’re not prepared to break their addiction to eating food that is so crammed with chemicals they might as well live on heroine.  I’m proud to say that I now consume no animal products and after only a couple of weeks I’m feeling better than I have in years.  Yes it’s early days but we all have to start somewhere.

It should come as no surprise then that the angelic realm gave me a gentle nudge little over a month ago to get out of the closet and start sharing my talent for healing with those who are ready to receive.  I dug out my Pranic Healing books and have been sharing this healing modality with friends, witnessing their remarkable recovery from various physical and emotional ailments.

Funny thing about spiritual healing though is that it’s not for everyone.  It takes a true desire to understand the root cause of the disease, introspection as to where your life is out of alignment with your values and your purpose, and it takes the courage to make change and dedication to a holistically healthier life.  You need to want hold on to the lessons and let go of the disease – whatever it takes.

This was highlighted for me again this morning when a friend asked why his shoulders have been hurting for the past couple of months.  The shoulders is the area of the body that carries our ‘load’ and it’s clear as daylight that his perceived burden has been weighing down heavily on him lately.  It’s time for him to re-evaluate and then choose to either lighten his load OR put the right support structures in place for himself and especially his body to increase his strength (of course doing both would increase the results significantly but small daily improvements will lead to massive results).  This would include a serious change in eating, starting to exercise regularly, and finding an energizing way to relax and recharge.

Not what he wanted to hear.  His response:  “Okay so that’s your airy-fairy diagnoses, what is the medical one?”

As with so many others, he does not desire to understand, take responsibility for his health and life and make the change.  He simply wants someone to tell him that there is some bio-mechanical problem in his body that can be fixed with a procedure or a drug.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a critical place for modern medicine in healing.  The problem comes in when we understand that majority of modern medicine treats symptoms, not root cause.  In addition I also believe that we are moving into an era of true accountability where people will be asked to start looking at their lives, take full responsibility for their choices from daily habits, to eating patterns, to the relationships they choose to be in, to the work they choose to do, and understand that it all has an impact not only on their personal lives and health, but on the collective.

I’m sorry to say but majority of the lifestyle choices being made at the moment is just plain selfish.  In Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead people being interviewed state that they would rather be fat and die young than make healthy choices, thereby living a longer and have a more active life with their kids.

Here’s my truth:  You are a magnificent, powerful creator of your life.  Everything that you see and feel is the result of your thoughts and the resulting actions.  Everything.

Right now the trajectory for humanity is not looking great.  Don’t believe me?  Just ask our youth.  They will be the first ones to point out to you that we’re screwing them over in a profound way.

I believe it’s time that we all take a step back and re-evaluate our life choices to start reflecting our true soul desires.  That starts with good health – as there is really very little you desire to do when your body is screaming in pain each day trying desperately to rid itself from the poisons flowing through your veins.

I promise you the moment you make the decision to turn it around, the Big U will open floodgates of support that will leave you with your jaw dropping at the pure love of it.  It might come in the form of books, documentaries, friends, healers, teachers, coaches or even the snuggle of a wet nosed puppy in your neck.

Who knows, in six months from now you too might live a life where you get to sit in awe of a sunrise understanding what true happiness is…

It’s your choice.

 

The Greatest Gift of All – My Christmas Message

Only 3 more sleeps until Christmas!

I remember all my years of counting down the sleeps in anticipation of waking up on Christmas morning, running to the tree and ripping open my presents.  I adore Christmas!  Always have.  No matter how old I am, the child in me wakes up and dances joyously.

Except this year Christmas came early.  And it has been the best Christmas in all of my 44 years.

It all started on the 13th of July 2016 when I walked into my now favorite local cafe, Fools of Desire in Rangiora, to meet Larina Kay Tiffen for her free coaching session.  Little did I know at the time that I was the one receiving the true gift as I was about to meet a real life angel.

In the past few months I have witnessed this woman embrace her gifts and her purpose and growing from strength to strength.  This lady is larger than life and she warms hearts wherever she goes with her fire burning brightly.  Her mission: to bring hope and love to those left behind in the ruins of natural disasters.

It is this passion that has seen The Miss Lilly’s Angels Trust come to life following the havoc wreaked by Mother Earth on the community of Kaikoura last month.  Here’s a woman who started a revolution – opening hearts to donate whatever they could, who never took no for an answer, and who got water, nappies, food and whatever was needed to people cut off from the rest of the world whilst others were still trying to untie their hands from the red tape so prevalent in our societal institutions.

Yesterday my life was further blessed with the opportunity to be a part of the The Miss Lilly’s Angels team.

After a restless night with little sleep from excitement, my alarm went off at 2 am.  There was just enough time for coffee, journaling and a quick shower before heading off to Kaikoura where we would hand out care packages and gifts to complete strangers.  I can only imagine the terror felt throughout the night with all the events that took place.  These are people whose lives are still reeling with the after-effects of the quake and tsunami.  From the outside it looks like everything is back to normal – the landscape still breathtaking and the sun gently warming your skin.  Yet behind closed doors these are mothers and fathers who find themselves in a state of fear and uncertainty of their future prospects.

For the smallest amount of time we got to bring a smile to their faces.  I simply cannot begin to describe to you the joy I received every time I hugged a complete stranger with my heart bursting with love.  They didn’t need to know my name or my profession or where I live or how much I have in my bank account.  None of that mattered.  All that mattered was love.

I am so grateful for a year that has brought new perspective into my life.  A year that reminded me of what really matters to me.  A year of meeting friends who are just amazing beyond words.  A year that has seen my family showered with blessings and my boys thriving.  A year when I was reminded of the true meaning of love and contribution.

Thank you Lilly for being my angel in so many ways.  Thank you for reminding me of the power of love and how much contribution can heal our world.

Most of all Lilly, thank you for being my friend.

Miss Lilly reminds me of the questions “If not me, then who?  If not now, then when?”  May her example inspire all of us to take a stand for the change we desire to see in the world and move us beyond our comfort zones to become that change.

With all my heart,

Anel

Find our more about this amazing woman at www.misslillys.co.nz and keep a look out for more information on her trust.

 

Housekeeping Tools Successful Business Women Use

Let’s be honest ladies, no matter how well groomed you present yourself to the world, there’s always some dirt in every successful business woman’s life. Whether it is in their office, their home or their life, it can muddy the waters wherever she goes.

Physical or emotional, dirt can impend us on our journey towards greatness, unless you’ve got it covered with some fab housekeeping tools. And today baby, we’ve got it covered!

Important Housekeeping Tools for Successful Business Women

Have you ever heard of 5S before?

It’s an acronym for five Japanese words guiding us as to the five most important things we need to do in our offices. As housekeeping tools, the 5S works marvelously:

  1. Seiri (Sort) Distinguish between necessary and unnecessary items. Remove the latter.
  2. Seiton (Set in order) Enforce the dictum ‘a place for everything and everything in its place’.
  3. Seiso (Shine) Clean up the workplace and look for ways to keep it clean.
  4. Seiketsu (Standardise) Maintain and monitor adherence to the first three Ss.
  5. Shitsuke (Sustain) Follow the rule to keep the workplace 5S-right. Hold the gain.

Successful business women are most probably already implementing the 5S into their workplace. What better time than as the year is rolling to a close.  Here’s how you can too:

Seiri or Sorting

  • Physical – what stuff do you have that you don’t need? When last have you cleaned up your database, your email and your folders?  Furniture, appliances, IT gear, paper representing half a forest – if it isn’t used, then it needs to go!
  • Emotional – do you have any toxic people holding you back? Are there others around you who are not supportive of what you are doing? It may be best to limit your contact with them so you can achieve your dreams.

Seiton or Setting in Order

  • Physical – once you’ve had a cull of unnecessary objects, it’s time to find a home for everything. Cupboards, filing system, spreadsheets – make sure everything has a place.
  • Emotional – work is work and personal is personal. While it can be difficult to separate the two and at times impossible, there are powerful incantations and easy body movements that can shift your energy in an instant assisting you to focus on the task at hand.

Seiso or Shine

  • Physical – Dust, polish and vacuum to your heart’s content. Or even better, outsource someone to do it for you.  When it comes to your website, programs and documents, it might be time to review and see how you can add the next level of wow to your work to ensure you’re always dazzling them with your brilliance.
  • Emotional – it’s time to put your well-being first, both physical and mental. Bring in people and systems which help you to achieve your dreams.  Now is the time to invest in a coach, mentor or mastermind group to keep you in a high vibration during the tougher times on your journey.

Seiketsu or Standardise

  • Physical and Emotional – make sure that what you are doing is working. If not, keep changing things until they do (go back to the principle of CANI).  Find the systems, structures and routines that support you in all aspects of your life and refuse to settle for anything less than magnificent.  Excellence must be your new standard.

Shitsuke or Sustain

  • Physical and Emotional – have the support in place that you deserve to keep the momentum going. Ensure that you have planned in recovery time during your year to avoid burn-out.  Don’t give up because you will achieve success.

Michael Jordan summed things up nicely when he said, “If you’re trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I’ve had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.”

To support you in this process I’m delighted to bring back the 90 minute Powerful Conversation to ensure that you have 100% clarity and focus going into 2017.

Investment only NZ$333 and spaces are limited so book yours today.

 

 

 

 

 

Business Woman Tips on Building an Awesome Support Team

 

Let’s cut the crap and get it out there. It’s bloody hard being a successful business woman by yourself. It’s not unachievable, but it’s a lot of hard slog. On the other hand, having a support team you can rely on to help you hurdle jump is an amazing resource. But how do you actually create a highly efficient support team?

7 Must Have Characteristics of Your Empowered Support Team

Okay, so it’s not magic. Your team of lovely ladies is not going to instantly appear because you need them. Rather it is a careful balance of you seeking out good fits for your team, as well as them deciding for themselves if they are a good fit or not. So let’s jump into identifying what makes a great team of merry helpers for women in business.

  1. Planning – they have a group plan and know both as a group and individually where you are going and how they can help you.
  2. Responsibility – team members actually take on board some responsibility for helping you succeed. Not all mind you, because you are responsible for your success too.
  3. Sharing is caring – nobody is the same and we’ve all got different ideas. A successful team acknowledges everyone’s contribution as important. They also respect and encourage views which differ from their own.
  4. Sharing leadership – everyone can’t be great all the time. As human beings we’re not perfect and that’s what makes us amazing women. Sharing the role of leader amongst the group helps utilise our strengths, drives results and equalises players.
  5. Goals – along with planning, if you don’t have goals then you’re going nowhere. Your successful team should always be aiming for something, helping keep you growing on your journey.
  6. Fun – if you’re not enjoying yourself, then your team sure as hell won’t be. Keeping things light, jokey and enjoyable is key to achieving success. It makes your team more effective at communicating, developing strategies and increases productivity. Make time for fun ladies, it is a high priority.
  7. Tension diffusion – we’re never always going to agree. Conflict is a part of life and when you get a top notch group of women together, we’re not all going to see eye to eye. But what your support team needs to do is work at resolving conflicts and tension when they arise, rather than shoving them under the rug. We all know that doesn’t work and only makes you annoyed at a later date.

So ladies, hunt out those people who are on the same page as you. Look for strengths you need more of and ideas which differ from yours. Aim for the stars and you will reach them, I know you will.

And if you’re feeling lonely at the top, it’s time for you to surround yourself with a  powerful mastermind group.  Check out my Empress Club to see if this is a good fit for you.

 

Anel xx

Kick Ass Morning Routines of Successful Fempreneurs  

Morning routines can be as simple as stumbling out of bed for a coffee. Or slamming the snooze button on your alarm clock for just 5 more minutes’ sleep. You either hate them or love them, but mornings are a damn certainty in our lives.

But did you know that the routines you put in place each morning can make the different between a shit day and one which rocks? Successful fempreneurs understand this and that’s why they’ve invested heavily in identifying and participating in some of the best morning routines I’ve ever seen. Want to know what they are?

Best Kick Ass Morning Routines of Successful Fempreneurs

  • Make a List

No, not another to-do list!  Instead you’re going to start cultivating a results-based mind-set by making an achievement list.  Either before you go to bed, or first thing in the morning, make a list of everything you are going to accomplish that day. Stick to your list, adding things which pop up today onto tomorrow’s list. You’ll start the day with a sense of purpose, knowing what you’ve got to do to finish a winner.

  • Start Strong

Our willpower is super strong in the mornings. We’re fresh, energised and ready to roll, which is why all the hard tasks should be scheduled for the morning. As the day goes on, our motivation and willpower shrinks, which is why it’s so easy to put off the challenging stuff for another time. Do it in the morning and then not only do you not have to worry about it, but you can feel great about what you’ve done all day long.

  • Listen to Your Body Clock

Have you read “The Power Of When” by Michael Breus, PhD?  Turns out we’re not all early birds, or lions as Michael has termed those of us who thrive with the rising sun. Successful fempreneurs arrange their morning routines to suit their chronotype, whether that is meeting with colleagues first or checking emails instead to avoid talking to them!  Michael does point out that those who are most successful believe in the power of the early start (yes, the 5 AM club rocks) and if like me you’re serious about next level achievement, I highly recommend you read the book.

  • Meditate and Journal

The answers you seek are already inside of you, just waiting for you to ask the questions and quiet your mind to hear them.  I know that there are still those who don’t believe in the power of the pen, but I’m not one of them!  If journaling is something that you’ve been skeptical about, or a frustrating activity, download my free workbook on powerful journaling questions to ensure a success mind-set.

  • Visualise Your Day

Some fempreneurs are thinkers. They can really picture in their minds the tasks they are going to achieve and can map out their day this way. Others need to doodle on paper or create a flow chart of their tasks in order to work out what’s going to happen. Whatever way works best for you, this is a great way of not only mapping out your day, but also visualising the great stuff that is going to happen to you before it even occurs. There is nothing better than positive thinking.

  • What do you do each morning to prepare you for the day?
  • How do your morning routines enhance your wellbeing and success?
  • What routines are you going to stick with to ensure you become the successful fempreneur you deserve to be?

You are worth it, so do it!

Powerful Journaling Questions

Daily Financial Practices of Successful Fempreneurs

To be successful in business requires commitment, enjoyment, effort and reflection. And money, did I mention that?

A successful business requires a positive cash flow; in that you have more money coming in than you have going out. Successful fempreneurs have got this going on because they have established eight key practices which they do every single day…

Free Budget One

8 Financial Practices Successful Fempreneurs Do Daily

  1. Invoice clients – you’ve done the work and it is time to get paid. So often money is lost by fempreneurs forgetting to bill or putting it off for later (of course we both know there is a whole lot of mind-set going on behind the scenes as well!). You’ve spent your time doing work for a client, so get paid for it!
  2. Romance your money – if you don’t have a budget, download the freebie NOW and get it done! Checking it daily helps remind you how much you’ve spent, as well as how much you can spend. Successful fempreneurs always stay intimate with their money.
  3. Use an awesome bookkeeping system or if you’re anything like me opt for a bookkeeper.  You absolutely need to know which bills you owe and who owes you, as that is cash flow management 101. In New Zealand both Xero and MYOB are great pieces of bookkeeping software, easy to use and show you exactly where your money is!
  4. Schedule and pay both their business and personal Blessings Already Received (aka bills) on time – your personal and business reputation is on the line here ladies. People notice if you are late paying and word gets out that ‘the owner at XYZ Business hasn’t paid us’ which affects how both you and your business are viewed.
  5. Make empowered spending choices – often fempreneurs have to make choices about buying stuff for their long-term business success versus short-term gratification.  Remember you are in it for the LONG run which means you WILL get to the point where you can buy all the trinkets that light you up.  First build the solid foundation by investing smart in your business so that you can have beautiful strawberries next year rather than sour grapes.
  6. Network, network, network – it is so true that word of mouth is the best advertising ever. Well what could be better than networking with fellow professionals who you will not only have the opportunity to make mutually beneficial deals with, but who can also refer you clients?
  7. Know exactly how much their time is worth – if it is financially better off for you to delegate a job to someone else than do it yourself, do it! Outsourcing work does cost your business money, but if you can use that time to bring in more money for your business, then that is an expense worth paying for.
  8. Ask for the sale – you can market, promote and advertise all you like, but if you don’t make a sale then all that effort is wasted. How do you get a sale? You ask for it! You really need to ask your clients or customers to buy what you are selling and believe me, they will listen.

Seriously ladies, you need to have financial success going on in your business too. I’d love to hear that you have made the commitment to include one or all of these financial practices into your daily work lives.

As Jenny Craig once said when talking about growing her business, “My husband always tells me that I’m the most unrelenting person he’s ever met, and it’s true. If I make a commitment to something, I will stick to it no matter what.” Today is the day to make that commitment.

Free Budget One