Stop thinking it’s your job to help others and focus on yourself.

You’re not going to like what I have to say today.

It’s going to trigger you regardless of your current state, it’s sure triggering me.

It’s burning me up inside and even though I’m not responsible for the choices of others I did agree to be a messenger, to speak my truth regardless of how uncomfortable it is.

I’m sick and fucking tired witnessing the destruction of life!

Destruction brought on by a culture of non-responsibility for self.

Each and every day I see the suicide of ‘successful’ role models, the suicide of nameless thousands, the suicide of kids.

OUR MOTHERFUCKING KIDS!

And this INFURIATES me.

Do you even realise that those souls are sacrificing themselves for the rest of us to start paying attention??

Or is your head too far up your ‘Destiny Two’?

Don’t you dare look at those kids and say we have to fix them.

Don’t you dare look at those kids and say we have to equip them with the tools to survive.

Don’t you dare tell me you’re worried about your kids and the bad choices they’re making with their lives.

Don’t you fucking dare.

It’s not the kids.

It’s US.

You and me.

It’s time for us to stop thinking we can help and fix anyone else.

Plus I believe it’s this whole ideology of ‘fixing’ others that got us in this pickle jar in the first place.

Real talk –

Kids are not born unhappy.

In fact, according to the ancient practice of yoga the aim is to go back to living in a state of the babe.

Fully present.

Fully joyous.

Kids don’t give a shit about the car and the house and the fashion.

We condition them to focus on that.

Kids don’t starve themselves.

We condition them to do that.

Kids don’t drink and do drugs.

We teach them that it takes some form of narcotics to be ‘happy’ because we as adults are too cowardly to do the work!  And just because you don’t have your own biological offspring doesn’t mean you get a ‘get of jail free’ card.

Kids are the most resilient determined little motherlovers on the face of the earth.

We make them weak with our codependency.

We teach them that they shouldn’t be so selfish and instead take responsibility for the brat trying to take their toy – the kid who throws the biggest tantrum and has the fastest helicopter parent, wins.

We teach them that they should make others happy.

We teach them that for them to be loved they have to behave just so.

We teach them that they’re filled with sin and should spend the rest of their lives feeling bad about their thoughts and desires and unique personalities.

We teach them that they shouldn’t disappoint us or embarrass us by speaking their truth.

And why do we teach them all this bullshit?

Because that’s how WE were brought up and like mindless minions most of us never question.

Shit according to the all-powerful ‘book of truth’ we have to obey our fathers and mothers regardless of how fucked up they are.

Well Hunny-bunch, it’s time that we wake up and realise that our kids are ‘depressed’ because most adults are miserable fuckers.

They complain day in and day out of how bored they are, how unhappy, how they feel trapped by all their bills which they don’t know how they’re going to pay, how much they have to sacrifice, how hard they have to work in their relationships.

They sit on their cellphones having their little hissy-fits with their friends completely ignoring the fact that their kids are sitting quietly in the corner hearing every venomous word.

They think it’s okay for them to get rat-faced drunk only remembering how funny they were and how much fun they had.

Alcohol is a depressant Darling.

What you don’t remember is that point when you went from tears of laughter to tears of gloom.

What you don’t see is your child walking into the room smelling the acrid stench of old booze pulsating out of your pores.

You don’t see is the hurt and concern in your child’s eyes as they think they are the cause of your hung-over ass.

Adults sitting in front of their screens day in and day out, thinking it’s okay to speak to their children and each other whilst browsing Facebook.

One of the greatest pains we can experience is being ignored yet that’s exactly what you see everywhere!

Why don’t you think about that the next time you tell your kid to wait so you can finish the YouTube clip.

For me the cherry on the cake is how we use our children as shields for the fact that most of the time we’re just scared little bitches who don’t have the balls to make the decisions that would really make us happy.

Oh yes, I’m going there.

I used my boys for years!

Saying that I couldn’t possibly go for my dreams because I had babies.

I had to put them first.

I could be happy once they’re grown up.

Fuck that shit!

I was a HORRIBLE fucking mother.

I would walk around all day crying, washing off the tears and hiding the stains with foundation before leaving the house so the neighbours would think I’m such a lucky bitch.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT FEELS LIKE LIVING WITH THE IMAGE OF YOUR 3 YEAR OLD PROTECTING HIS BABY BROTHER FROM HIS CRAZY MOTHER EDGED IN YOUR MEMORY???

That is what I have.

And I refuse to let go of it.

I refuse to whitewash it with the passing of time.

This memory keeps me real.

This memory has me take FULL RESPONSIBILITY  FOR MY OWN HAPPINESS.

Just because you don’t see this from your kids doesn’t mean it’s not happening my friend.

Unless YOU ARE HAPPY your kids don’t stand a chance in hell.

They don’t yet have the steel-enforced concrete wall of shame, blame and victimhood in place to hide behind.

They are completely open and vulnerable to your energy which infiltrates the very fibre of their beings which means YOUR joylessness is what gets passed on to them.

So before you talk about your kids again ask yourself what are your kids mirroring to you?

You complain about their behaviour?

That they are out of control?

That you don’t know what to do anymore?

I invite you to stop looking for ways in which to fix your child and instead start looking at yourself.

Just how happy are you?

Just how happy is your partner if you’re sharing a space?

THAT’s what is going on with your child.

And then,

like the ‘responsible’ adult you say you are,

why don’t you start taking responsibility for YOURSELF?

Why not choose to remember who the fuck you really are?

Why not choose to remember what makes you happy and then actually doing more of THAT?

Why not choose to walk away from the people and things that is draining your life force?

Why not choose to have boundaries that provide safety for those dealing with you as they know what to expect?

Why not start being selfish enough to release your codependency and be the BEST version of yourself?

It’s so easy to take the focus off ourselves by pointing finger.

It’s so easy to say it’s not us because we’re just like everyone else, so that must mean we’re okay.

Hey, I’m not judging.

There’s not much you can be doing now that I have not done before.

And it still remains YOUR choice.

I’m not making it for you.

I’m simply sharing my truth to create a pocket of contemplation for you.

From which to make a conscious choice.

It’s about conscious living.

Only death is inevitable.

How many more has to die at this time for us to understand that thriving is a choice too?

With deep love, compassion and appreciation for you,

Anel

PS: I think it’s imperative for us to be clear that coaching is not a pill.

Coaching is not therapy.

Coaching is not going to magically transform your life.

I mean it is,

but only if YOU do the work.

Only if YOU play full out.

Only if YOU choose to let go of your old programming and start creating consciously.

My coaching style is outcome focused.

It’s a journey whereby you get to set the goals that’s truly important to you.

It’s a process whereby you get to eliminate distraction, question your beliefs and values, take massive aligned action that feels uncomfortable until it doesn’t.

I work with those who believe in the possibility within impossible.

I work with those who take full responsibility for themselves and their results.

I work with those who choose to thrive.

If this is you, let’s connect and see if this would be a fun partnership.