We all have patterns.
We all have labels.
It’s how we make sense of the world.
We use these labels and patterns to get our way.
The kicker is that these labels and patterns are either used consciously to empower ourselves
for most people
And when they are unconscious
are not pretty.
One of the most powerful aspects of coaching is the observation of patterns.
It doesn’t take me too long to start seeing them unfold.
I have a gift to trigger the living daylights out of my clients
To make them uncomfortable
To challenge them to the point of breaking through.
And it’s in the times of pressure, when they are required to step up, that their egos reveal themselves.
Some will go into hiding (as if I don’t know where they are), some will get quite pissed at me, some will blame their upbringing, some will bring up depression, some will use anxiety and fear as their excuse for inaction.
All of these little patterns and labels typically got them the ‘good’ result in the past.
People will either back off or go into full blown sympathy, excusing you for not showing up and not taking action.
Because they get triggered themselves and don’t like how that feels.
Fortunately for my clients, I don’t give in to their little ego tantrums.
Hey, when you’ve survived a full blown 2 year old tantrum in the busiest shop on the busiest day where management eventually escort you past the hour long line to a newly opened till just so you will leave, you don’t back down in the face of misbehaviour.
Instead of playing into their normal patterns I hold up that mirror and I ask them, how does this bullshit serve you?
And of course they ALWAYS say it doesn’t .
So I change the question, how does this bullshit keep you from having to show up, from having to take action, from the possibility of change?
How does it keep you feeling safe?
The silence is deafening.
And then it happens,
OMG I love the moment when the penny drops,
they see it all play out.
Years and years of programming
Keeping them stuck.
Justifying their results, especially when those results leaves them unsatisfied.
Now, they get to choose – they can continue their patterns and hold on to those disempowering labels or they can break the patterns of behaviour and reprogram their minds with labels of truth.
Labels of how fucking powerful they are.
Labels of how incredibly special and unique they are.
Labels of how worthy and deserving they are.
Now here’s another golden nugget for you,
because I’m feeling really generous today,
your body has a physical reaction to the vibration of your words.
Let’s take “anxiety” for instance as this seems to be the flavour of the moment.
EVERYONE is fucking anxious.
When you say the word “Anxiety” which so many love amplifying with “Attack”
there is a chemical trigger in your brain
Which shoots a signal that runs rampant through your entire body
A powerful physical current runs up and down your spine and you start breathing fast
Your body goes into complete overdrive and somewhere in the darkness of your mind you think you’re going to fucking DIE!
So you stop dead in your tracks.
Clearly whatever the thought preceding this reaction was a bad idea
Don’t take the action!
Stay the same.
There’s safety in same because you haven’t died before now.
Your body might be alive, but if all you ever do and tolerate is the same, your fucking soul is dying!
If you’re in my space you’re here to create (new shit), you’re here to unleash your art into the world, you’re here to lead, here to bring change, here to inspire, here to heal.
None of that happens if your soul is bored to death.
So what can you do?
Start reprogramming yourself.
Replace the word “anxious” with anything irrelevant.
How about we use “bonkers” instead?
Every time you want to say “I’m feeling anxious” you say “I’m feeling bonkers”.
Your brain doesn’t know what the fuck to do with this word because it’s not trained into a typical response.
In fact, she will probably find bonkers funny.
All of a sudden you’re laughing.
Your body feels good.
And you take the action!
Feel even more amazing.
I highly recommend that you get others in on this transformational stage.
Ask your friends, your partner, your kids, your colleagues to point out to you when you use the old word AND tell them the new word!
Now not only are you empowering yourself through accountability, but you’re also retraining THEM to stop feeling sorry for you every time you play the old label card.
Take it even further – train your body with music and physical exercise.
THIS is powerful.
Put together a BADASS playlist – Eminem, Pink Floyd, ACDC, Infected Mushroom, Foo Fighters, Imagine Dragons.
Play when you’re out training HARD.
When you’re pushing past the pain, past the limitations.
Over and over.
Eventually your body will be triggered by the song to go into UNFUCKWITHABLE WARRIOR mode every time you here the intro.
Play this song before high pressure events whether they be boardroom meetings, presentations or those dreaded conversations with your partner you’ve been putting off for years.
I AM statements!
Sadly we’re taught to believe everything that our parents, our teachers, our preachers, told us.
And I don’t know about you, but my experience wasn’t great.
I was told I AM a sinner.
I AM stupid.
I AM ugly.
I AM fat.
I AM weak.
I AM inconsiderate.
I AM average.
I AM crazy.
I AM not good enough.
I AM ungrateful.
And for most of my life thus far I took all of this on. Storing those lies deep inside, allowing that vibration to flow freely through my body.
Thing is, how can we take on the labels that others give us when those negative labels are normally passed on by people who feel that of themselves?
They simply didn’t want to deal with their own shit so they kept passing it on thinking that if they told enough other people how weak and stupid and crazy they are, they would feel strong, clever and right.
They never took the time to figure out who YOU are.
If you’ve been told shit about you, know that it’s not yours to own any longer.
YOU can redefine yourself.
This takes a little time but OMG it’s so worth it Darling.
Write down all the bullshit you’ve got running on replay in the background and then turn those little fuckers around into what I KNOW to be true!
I AM GOOD!
I AM CREATIVE, INSIGHTFUL AND INTELLIGENT.
I AM BEAUTIFUL.
I AM SEXY AF.
I AM POWERFUL.
I AM LOVING AND CONSIDERATE IN MY TRUTH.
I AM PHENOMENAL.
I AM BEYOND CRAZY AND I LOVE THAT ABOUT MYSELF.
I AM ENOUGH.
I AM GRATEFUL AND APPRECIATIVE OF LIFE.
Try these on for size.
Say them to yourself as often as possible and FEEL the difference.
Today I invite you to live a little more consciously.
To start paying attention to your patterns and your labels and to CHOOSE them with more care.
For only death is inevitable.
Thriving truly is a conscious choice.
With love always,
YOUR LIBERATION COMES FROM REMEMBRANCE!
Remembering that you are the creator of your own reality. Through your emotions. Through your thoughts. Through your words.
That means throwing out the rule book of the oppressors.
Fuck their steps and systems.
This takes courage my friend – because you will be FULLY responsible for your outcomes.
You said you wanted to be empowered.
Well, let the exhiliration of freedom rush through your veins!
YOUR LIBERATION COMES FROM DESIRE!
Admitting what you truly want! All of it. No settling. Being completely un-fucking-reasonable. Diva divine.
Some of the most liberating words I was ever told is that a woman should NEVER have to choose. A woman should have ALL that she desires.
YOUR LIBERATION COMES FROM DECISION!
Stomping down that sexy foot of yours and declaring to the Universe what you’re no longer available for and INSISTING on what you will accept as your new normal.
YOUR STANDARDS OF EXCELLENCE!
To the point where anything else is like WTF?
YOUR LIBERATION COMES FROM RECONNECTING WITH YOUR ESSENCE!
I know that you’re a magical beast. Witch of the old ways. Wise woman of lifetimes past.
I know that inside of you there’s a crone who has a shit ton to teach the lost ones of modern day society.
I know that inside of you is a voice, a story, a message which demands to be heard.
A healer, a bard, an artist waiting to be unleashed.
A goddess, an angel, a warrior with a mission.
And not doing so is fucking selfish!
It’s inconsiderate and it’s not the deal you made for this lifetime.
I’m ready to show you the way.
I’m ready to hold you to your truth, to reconnect you with your desire, to ignite your voice.
Are YOU ready?
Time to take action and apply Darling.