Happiness is… bruised knees and yoga mat burns

I love pain.

I’m serious – I think I might be addicted to the shit!

Somehow until this morning I’d just never connected the dots.

For one thing there’s no way in hell that you can be a dancer and not have pain.  Which means my addiction probably started around age six.

As an adult doing kick-boxing, bleeding knuckles and screaming muscles quickly became mundane.  I had to go play with the boys in full contact and come home with swollen cut lips and slightly bruised chins to get my fix.

Then I found cycling.  I fondly hold on to memories of epic falls, bruises, blood, cracked helmets.  At one stage my husband refused to go shopping with me because he was tired of getting strange looks from people when I tried to assure them that my bruised face was from falling off my bike.  I finished Action Man with a bee stinger in my face because I refused to slow down in transition so the medics could attend to me.  I figured as long as the swelling wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t see, I could still finish the race.

Doing IronMan three times with a bone ripping up the inside of my hip, a lower back with disintegrating vertebrae, and some other interesting bodily happenings took the challenge to another level.

Which leads me to my current journey of becoming a Yoga instructor.  There’s the mediocre pain from the old bone in the hip which is still causing me a fair amount of discomfort, but I’m not walking out of the sessions feeling like a washed out rag, lying on the grass holding back the vomit (oh those were the days my friend).

Until this morning that is.  Today is National Yoga Day.  I personally think today was a special gift from my angels for my patience and dedication to come to class after class and not getting my fix yet not giving up.  Today my teacher gave me 2 and a half hours of exquisite pain.

The first hour was spent in the normal class format but once everybody else left I was given the opportunity to do 108 uninterrupted sun salutations.

Oh the joy!!!

The first thirty wasn’t too bad.  Then it started happening.  My arms started aching.  My legs started feeling the strain.  My knees started to feel a tad bruised.

I was in heaven.

I kept going.

She asked if I wanted to stop – OH HELL NO!!!!  This was the most fun I’ve had in four months!

It took me ninety minutes to get through all 108 and I knew from the word go that I was going to succeed.  I embraced the sweet love of the pain.  My mind went still and I felt every delicate whispered kiss that hurt so beautifully.  I was switched on, tuned in, on fire.

Finally my hands went back into prayer position, I bowed down to the Big U and all of creation and then collapsed onto the floor.

I felt so alive!

Dead from exhaustion but alive.

It gave me pause to think what this crazy addiction to pain is really all about?

I’ve come to the conclusion that life will always include pain.  Our choice as human beings is how we’re going to approach it and respond to it.

Some of my most severe pain was in my early thirties when I took on the label of depression.  Shit it hurt like a mofo!  I’m not sure what was worse for me – the actual feeling of depression or the shame of being a woman with a successful life who simply felt no joy.  What the fuck was wrong with me?

I felt weak.

I felt like a failure.

I felt like every person who ever told me I would amount to nothing had won.

Before this point I had never admitted to my weakness and never asked for help.

And when I finally started reaching out to people they just didn’t get it.  Chin up Anel.  It will pass Anel.  It’s just a phase Anel.

It was like I had become invisible.  Like they couldn’t see the fucking pain.

So I shut down with medication.  Except the pain of feeling nothing at all was even more excruciating.  What was the point of existing?  What was the point of not thriving?

I went to therapy and the pain of reliving every shitty incident and relationship in my childhood just made no sense to me whatsoever.  I wanted to punch the stupid bitch after every session when she told me to go home and be gentle with myself.

I hated feeling weak.

Yes I said hated!

I fucking hated feeling weak because that’s not who I am.  It’s not my truth and every time that we live out of alignment to our truth our soul rages in fury and that fury splits you right down the middle.

So my soul decided to take matters in hand and showed me the kickboxing Dojo – thank you Ing (that’s my higher self in case you’re wondering).  She showed me that in order for me to feel fully alive, to be fully alive, all I needed to do was stay connected to my body.  When I can feel my body, all the pain, the exhaustion, the blood, I know I’m choosing my brand of pain, I’m in control of my life.

Because that’s what depression does – it takes you out of the driver’s seat.  You become a strapped passenger watching life pass you by.  You become the victim of a black satire.

Fuck that shit.

I’m a warrior!

I’m the creator of my life!

I’m the only driver in this Mercedes Benz.

You’re probably thinking I’m a little loopy at this stage.

Or maybe you get it.

Maybe you get the fact that for some of us there is a power in the decision to embrace pain.  Because let’s be honest Darling, no life is free from pain.  Why wouldn’t I then choose to make it my bitch?  Why wouldn’t I use my body to test my mind again and again, each time making her stronger and more indestructible?  Once your mind is at that point other pain in life becomes relatively easy.

Feeling the pain of a failing bank balance?  The victim sits and cries going further down the red line.  The warrior sits down, figures out a plan and takes action to turn it around.

Feeling the pain of a relationship falling apart?  The victim sits and cries, blaming the other person for everything thereby bringing the same shit to the next relationship.  The warrior sits down, looks inside, takes full responsibility for their role in the breakdown and heals that shit before even considering another relationship.

But none of this is possible if you hide away from pain.  Because ultimately like any other muscle, indestructability has to be trained again and again and again.

When my physical activity is void of any pain I can feel the emotional pain rising up because my mind starts getting weak and tiny mole-heaps become these ginormous mountains.

Here’s my invitation to you today – have a look at your physical activity and start identifying where you’re allowing yourself to hurt with the specific intention of working on your mindset.  Because here’s the other thing, if you just hurt for the sake of hurting and you’re not using this gorgeous tool to get stronger, well that’s a bit pointless isn’t it?  OMG and before you take this completely out of context, I’m not talking about cutting yourself or any shit like that!  I’m talking about doing sport as part of a mind-set strategy.  Then again if you were thinking that you should probably stop reading my work right now!

But wait, I wander off topic.  Once you’ve identified your sport of choice, start noticing where you actually do push into the pain barrier and what’s happening in your head.  Or are you stopping when there’s just a hint of what’s to come.  Because if you are chances are great that you’re playing small in other areas of life every time there is a possibility of getting hurt.

No pain no gain.

What do you need to tell yourself to push a little further?  What is the goal you need to set that makes the pain worthwhile?  What is the big why that will get you to HTFU?

This is part of the missing foundation for most people who don’t achieve their goals.  They never even look at the pain side.  Ultimately you want to set a goal and face all the possible pain because the pain of NOT achieving the goal should be far greater than the pain you will encounter on the journey.  And make no mistake Darling, there WILL be pain.  The ultimate purpose of any goal is for you to grow as a person and it’s called growing pains for a reason.

Now look at your existing goals and ask yourself, are you even working on the right goals?  Does the pain of NOT achieving it drive you enough to keep pushing on even when your body feels broken and bruised?  Because if the answer is no then put that baby away and dig deeper.

Life is way too short to work towards mediocre goals that you’re not prepared to hurt for.

And the greatest pain of all is mere existence.

After all death is inevitable.  Thriving is a choice worth bleeding for.

With love always,

Anel

PS:  Are you sitting there with a sensation of nervous excitement because every time you read my ramblings there is a spark inside of you, a whisper of desire?  Then now’s the time to light that baby up and start taking it next level.  How much longer are you going to wait Darling because trust me when I say that just sitting there with a smile tugging at your cheeks is not going to change anything in your life.  You have to take action.  You have one more week to sign up for Kick-Start and take your life next level in thirty days.  Hit reply right now and I’ll send you all the information you need to get your ass moving in the right direction.  You know you want to.  Just get out of your own way.

The voice of reasoning that is nothing but a blatant lie.

Have you met Freddy?

Maybe you don’t recognize Freddy by that name.  Maybe you call him by another.

Freddy is that scared little ego who lives inside your head.  A cave creature who believes in dinosaurs, scarcity of resources, that your tribe is going to stone you to death if you speak your truth which always seems to ruffle some feathers.

The thing is, he sounds way bigger and more impressive because of the loud echo created within the emptiness of the cave.

Freddy keeps you in your well appointed place.

In the corner.

Squat smaller.

Speak softer.

Don’t rouse their attention.

Freddy will show you all the reasons why you shouldn’t do the epic shit that lights you up with so much excitement that you can’t sit still!  You know the stuff I’m talking about right?  I can see you connecting with them as you read this.  I can see you smile.

THAT stuff.

The dreams that were mere seedlings when you were young, running around with a towel tied around your neck depicting your super hero status, just in case passerby’s couldn’t see how broad and strong your chest was.  The dreams you had about greatness, unlimited resources, amazing success, adventure, excitement, impact.  Standing on the apple cart box turned upside down preaching to your dolls because you had something important to say and there was somebody who needed to listen.

The dreams you had before the other kids started teasing you for walking funny, talking weird stuff, being an outsider.  The dreams you had before you grew up and had responsibilities. Bills to pay.  Kids to raise.  Spouse to please.

Remember those Hunny?

Except no matter how hard you try to suppress and deny those dreams, they’re still there waiting for you at night.  They are the things you see when you close your eyes and go to the place you were born to be.  The things you see others have and feel a burning jealousy creeping up in your throat.  Except it hurts like a mofo to see it’s in fact all possible so you find a reason to judge them, criticize them, make them wrong.

You read right – jealousy and criticism is potential un-lived inside your soul.

Ouch.

Sorry Love.  But it’s true.

I would know.

I’ve made love with the green-eyed monster and slept exhausted in her arms on more than one occasion until I finally understood this.  Now instead of feeding her cabbage I thank her and feed her dark chocolate and red wine.  Acknowledging my true desires and turning them into challenging goals.

This is where Freddy takes center stage.

OMG his voice is deafening!

Telling me all the reasons why I’m going to fail.

I’m not clever enough.

I don’t know enough.

I’m not good enough.

Who do I really think I am?

I’m not meant for this – I’m just an average girl born into a middle class life which is where I should remain and be grateful.

I’m going to piss people off.

I’m going to lose everyone and end up a miserable, fat, lonely old crone.

I don’t have the money to invest.

I don’t have the determination and the discipline.

Nobody gives a shit about what I think or what I have to say.

They will judge me for swearing.

It goes on and on and on.

Unless I write that goal down and take action before Freddy get’s past “Whaaaaaaat….”  I’ve raised my well manicured middle finger and declared “speak to the finger because the ears ain’t home”.

Because if you give Freddy two chances he will change your mind Darling.  He will make you hesitate just long enough for his poison to take hold in your heart and your courage will falter.

Here’s the thing though, Freddy ain’t never going away.  He’s going to be with you until the day you die.

But there are things you can put in place that will ensure you take action and live your dreams despite his insistent whining in your ears.

Here’s my top strategies for shutting Freddy the fuck up:

  1. I always have a Dream Team – oh hell yeah I have to strength of Super Woman but even she fought better with a team around her.  I make damn sure I have my BFF’s, my MasterMind group, my personal coach.  Always.
  2. I write my goals down every day – I believe that when we go to sleep at night the Universe goes Alt Ctrl Del which means every morning is a brand new start.  Clean page.  Recommit.
  3. I have a huge reason for every goal – I’ve learned a long time ago that setting frivolous goals is just a way of keeping super busy and distracted from the epic stuff.  If I can’t come up with at least ten reasons why a goal is a must-achieve for me, I don’t even bother.
  4. I do my mind-set work seven days a week – you know the old story about the two wolves inside right?  The good and the evil which resides inside all of us and what determines which one wins is the one we feed today.  Well Freddy and my Ing is the same.  I choose to feed my Ing.

And if all else fails I ride my bikes!  I’m so not even joking.  If The Cookie Monster or Artemis could talk they would tell you tales of us being chased by demons and how loud we shout to drown out the fear-spewing bullshit that at times threatens to overwhelm me.  When I’m on one of my bikes, something bigger than me takes over.  I feel a sense of invincibility.  A sense of calm.  A knowing.  All the answers come to me.

You might call it meditation.

I call it …

Actually it’s too perfect for the English language.  Sorry, you will have to experience it for yourself.

So my Darling, what do you have in place to block out the voice of Freddy when you set those HUGELY exciting goals?

Here’s your mission (should you be courageous enough to accept it):

Sit your sweet ass down and write down your BIGGEST POSSIBLE dream.  The one that you’ve secretly kept to yourself because you didn’t want people to lock you up for being a lunatic.

Ask yourself why have you not achieved this goal yet and let it all come out.  All of it.  Don’t sensor this.  Give Freddy free reign and let him go ape shit.

Then sit with each ‘reason’ and ask ‘is this really true?‘  REALLY true – investigate each and every statement.  Here’s the thing though, you need to start recognizing the difference between chocolate and manure.  Here’s some of the most popular BS I hear:

  • I don’t have the time
  • I don’t have the money right now
  • My kids are too young
  • My spouse wouldn’t feel comfortable with me doing this
  • I’m too young
  • I’m too old
  • I’m too unfit
  • I’m too skinny
  • I’m too fat

All of this boils down to one thing:  “I’m too comfortable and too chicken shit to go for it”.

Understand this – THERE IS NOTHING THAT YOU CAN’T BE, DO OR HAVE!

Let me say it again – There.  Is.  Nothing.  That.  You.  Can’t.  Be.  Do.  Or.  Have.

Get it?

But it always takes some brass balls, some commitment, some support and a willingness to get uncomfortable and at times downright scared.

How much do you want it?

Because where there is a will there is ALWAYS a way.  No matter who you are or what your current circumstances are.

Write that dream down and turn it into a goal by putting a deadline on her.  Feed your Ing rather than Freddy and surprise the hell out of yourself.

Look in the mirror and give a loud Hoorah!

Because you’re invincible.

You’re kick ass.

You’re fucking magnificence in human form – and that’s a beautiful thing to witness Darling.

Because death is inevitable, but thriving is a choice.

With all my love,

Anel

PS:  The one thing every one of my clients say is that they constantly hear my voice in their heads (LOL, shame).  And my voice is always louder than their fear.  That’s because truth and fear is unable to co-exist.  And I give the truth.  If you’re done listening to Freddy whining and moaning and scaring the living shit out of your dreams then now is the time we connect.  I’m in the process of changing my entire business model, but until the end of June you can sign up to work privately with me for 30 days and absolutely crush it!  If you’re a born achiever currently frustrated by average results in your life, then PM me immediately and I’ll send you all the details of Kick-Start.  You have a choice to make right in this moment – are you going to commit and take immediate action, or are you going to wait for Freddy to do another number on you?  It all comes down to choices.

No more Mrs Nice Guy.

I wish I could make you feel better by saying that there was a time when I was really a nice girl.

Truth be told I was probably just born a little rebel who didn’t conform and so was labelled a bitch as far back as I can remember.  The times that I was ‘well behaved’ or did what was considered ‘nice’ was just me playing the game for some reason or another.  Whether that was to stay out of trouble (ha ha, I was in shit a lot) or wanting to get my way.

I’m everything your mother didn’t want you to be.

I’m selfish.

I’m ambitious.

I’m strong willed and don’t bow down to ‘authority’ when I think they’re being full of shit.

I would rather be working on my business which is my way of living my purpose than working on temporary relationships.

I would rather be at home on a Friday night resting for the long ride tomorrow than out partying.

I feel empathy for people but I’m yet to find a sympathetic bone in my body.

This has been me as far back as I can remember.

I started dancing at the age of six and the moment I put on that first pair of ballet slippers, I didn’t want to waste time playing with the other little girls.  I wanted to train.

I was the weird girl who could somehow hang with the cool kids even though I didn’t do any sports or go to any parties.  Maybe they thought it was cool to be seen with the weird kid.

 

Every time people tell me that I’m not a nice person and I ask them why, it tends to be because I didn’t drop everything that I’m busy with, everything that’s important to me, and paid attention to them.  Or I didn’t say the thing they wanted me to say to validate them or make them feel good in some way.

It’s because I didn’t want to let them in for coffee when they were bored and lonely and instead I selfishly wanted to do additional preparation for a client or create something new for my soul tribe.  It’s because I didn’t blow smoke up their sensitive bums instead of speaking my truth.

To make things even more complex for me, I simply don’t fucking get it!  I really don’t.  I never just drop in for coffee – not even when I lived next to my mom.  I would phone first and find out if she’s got time or if she’s busy.  I never invite people to go out when I know they’re deep into achieving their next level goal.  I get really irritated with people for pulling the punches and not telling me their truth – do they really think I can’t handle it?

Fuck that shit Baby.  I’m an IronMan.  I’m a SkyRunner.  I’ve been to the dark side and I came back through boxing a bag.  I can handle it.  Yes, it will sting and my eyes may water from the pain.  Hell I might even cry.  But ultimately no matter what truth you give me, I will always go inside and ask myself “is this really true for me?”  And if it is, I will give myself a good kick up the ass and take action around it.  And if not, I will let it go.

I personally think nothing could be nicer than if people stopped lying.  Nothing could be nicer than if people stopped wasting their own time and the time of others and actually started getting on fire with the passion of their purpose.  I think it would be awesome if people would start sorting out their shit by doing the work necessary to effect change instead of spreading their misery and drama around to every Tom, Dick and Annabella.

So this begs the question, am I really not a nice person OR am I the nicest person you will ever get to meet when I close the door in your face because you dropped by unannounced with your baby in a buggy and your dog on a leash – just because you didn’t have anything better to do.  Maybe me not letting you in (as was clearly unexpected) was the wake-up call you needed to ask yourself why you’re feeling bored.

Damn I can’t remember EVER feeling bored.

How the hell do people have time to be bored?

Oh wait I lie – actually every social I dragged myself to for the sake of keeping the peace and then having to listen to a bunch of drunk people telling me how fucked up their relationships, their money, their jobs, their lives are and that drinking is the only way they can find happiness.  That’s boring as hell.

Needless to say that my conversations don’t last long at these events.  It kinda goes like this:

Other person – “Oh woe is me”

Me – “If you don’t like your life maybe it’s time to look at the choices you’re making.  Ultimately you are the creator of everything around you.  You don’t like what you see?  Pull your finger out your sweet ass and start doing something about it.”

Other person – “Oh”.

End of conversation.  They walk to the next person who gives them a sympathetic ear and they both end up drowning themselves.  One for their sorrows.  The other because they’re bored silly by the drama but too nice a person to walk away.

I’m sorry but I have way too much love and respect for humanity to be false just so you will like me.  Love me or hate me.  With me you will always know what you get and what I do and say is from a place of deep love.

Does this mean I get called bitch a lot?  Oh yes.  But I chose to re-frame it as a compliment because it means I don’t kiss ass Darling.

Are you pretending to be a nice person as defined by the masses for not other reason other than to be liked?

Maybe you’re just genuinely a caring and loving person and your purpose is to always be available to others.  Then go for it!

But if you’re not, if being nice is just a way to stay distracted from your true ambitions and purpose, if it’s a way of playing small, then now is the time to stop being nice and start being impactful.

This truly is the greatest gift you can give to people.

Your people.

Because if they are your people, chances are they’re not very ‘nice’ either.

Personally I much prefer to hang with my bitchy besties on appointment than killing time with strangers.

Because ultimately you’re going to die anyway.  And all those people who came for coffee because they were bored, they will go on existing none the wiser.

But if you want to thrive, you have to choose to honor your truth and your personal brand of ‘nice’.

With love,

Anel

PS:  I’m in the process of changing my entire business model which will be launched shortly.  This new model will make working with me privately a rare experience, never mind 30 days at the incredibly low investment of $450!  If you know in your heart of hearts that I’m the coach who is going to whip your ass and your life into shape through my unwavering belief in you, my blunt honesty and my action-orientated approach, then you want to check out Kick-Start today.  If you need a few weeks to build up the courage to get started that’s cool, but you only have until the 30th to grab it at $450.  Check out the details here and let’s play Darling.

PPS:  Wanna hang with some rebels who are here to make a difference without all the rules?  Then come join us on Facebook at Business Rebels.

 

 

The hardest part is NOT getting started.

I sometimes wonder if I’m the only one who never stops questioning?

 

It’s like this relentless infantile voice in my head but instead of asking the annoying “why” that every two year old gets stuck on at some stage, my voice asks “is that really true?”

The really interesting part is not that I’m always asking the question.  What fascinates me is that the answer is rarely yes for me.

Such as the saying that ‘the hardest part is getting started’.

Looking back on my life and the interactions I’ve had with my clients, the hardest part of any journey is NOT getting started.

The hardest part is the commitment to the outcome prior to having a clue on even how to even get started.

I’m talking high level commitment.

No matter what.

Regardless of current circumstances.

Doesn’t matter how far behind I’m starting from everyone else.

I don’t give a shit what everyone else says is possible or not.

I expect and embrace the judgement as part of my growth.

Non-negotiable.

I’m willing to leave some people behind.

I know it’s gonna hurt like hell.

Yes I might look like a fool some days and be ridiculed by those who don’t understand.

THAT level of commitment.

I don’t even think most people register the level of commitment I’m talking about here.

Let’s be honest, there’s very few things that you’re still expected to commit to these days.

Don’t like your boss?  Quite your job and find another one.

Don’t like how hard it is to build a business?  Quite and go find a job again.

Not happy with the fact that your partner didn’t turn out to be perfect for you after all?  Get a divorce because there’s millions of fish in the sea.

Too hard to say no to the tub of ice-cream even though you said you’re committed to losing weight?  That’s okay Hun, everyone needs a cheat day.

On and on it goes.

Hey I’m not judging you!  God knows at one stage or another I’ve been guilty of all these things as well and know I will fail again in future.  I’m just saying that there’s no expectation from anyone else that we’ll actually make it happen when we say we’re going to do something mind-blowing.  There’s no outside pressure which means that if you have little or no internal pressure, chances of you doing the epic shit is next to zero.  You just become one of those people who talk a big game and walk a safe path.

To make it even more challenging, society has taken the elements which supports commitment and made them ‘bad’.  Saying that they enslave us somehow.  That they stifle us.  That they squash our creativity.

Elements such as planning and routine.  I can’t tell you how much resistance I receive from new clients when I tell them to plan out their days and to schedule EVERYTHING.  Not just your business meetings.  Hell no.  That’s only one part of your life.  If you want a fit body, schedule your training sessions, menu preparation, grocery shopping, meal preparation and eating times.  If you want a good relationship with your partner schedule in date times.  If you want to be a good parent and be present whilst interacting with your kids, schedule in specific times with them.  If you want to work on your personal development, schedule in reading time, meditation time, journaling time.  All of it!  Scheduling and planning in fact frees up your mind so you don’t have to make more decisions on a minute to minute basis than what is needed!   That means you get to use your mind-muscle to make the other decisions that truly matter, like what new product or service can you create that will add tremendous value to your clients and the world at large.  Plus you don’t have to figure out from minute to minute how you’re going to fit in the actions required to achieve your goals.

Making the basics non-negotiable.  I always find it rather astonishing if people ask me if I’m going to train.  I made my training sessions a non-negotiable a looooong time ago.  I don’t ever think about it.  It’s on the schedule, I do it.  I don’t give a shit what the weather is doing or how I’m feeling.  It’s a done deal.  I’ve started doing the same in my business.  Every day I write.  On whatever comes to me.  And I trust that some people will think WTF, but one person will be reading it and it will be exactly what they needed to hear today.  Every day I have coffee time with my boys.  Not negotiable.  My kids are my greatest supporters – in everything I do.  And we wouldn’t have that relationship if I didn’t give them some undivided attention every single day.  Every day I journal.  I can’t imagine starting a day without investigating what’s going on inside and setting myself up for a rocking day.  Every day I eat (LOL okay so that one seems to be a no brainer for most people).  Again, by making the basics in my life non-negotiable I don’t have to think about it which means once again I free my mind up for other things.  Plus when my basics are non-negotiable and I know they are the things that will get me to my committed outcome, it’s a done deal.

The last one I’m going to mention is surrounding yourself with genius.  This is a biggie for people because let’s be honest, if you come from a background which is a huge contrast of where you want to go, you’ve got to let go of some people and surround yourself with those you aspire to be like.  And that’s nerve-wrecking on both sides.  Society likes to put us in containers and you’re kinda expected to hang with your people.  The moment you want to go up (and why would you set a goal that doesn’t have you go up?) those around you start clinging and playing the guilt game.  Plus we’re told that those at the top don’t want us hanging with them.  I’ve found this to be complete bullshit by the way.  I’ve never met a truly successful person who doesn’t want to mentor those with a deep desire to up-level.  They do however have very good detection systems for those who want to learn versus those who just want a leg up.  Huge difference.  Respect that they’ve had to work for everything they’ve achieved – nothing for nothing Darling.  Then surround yourself with those with the same values, the same drive, the same energy that you want to harness and you’re going to see some amazing shifts happening in way less time than you can possibly imagine.

Now consciously you might not be thinking of all these things, but subconsciously you KNOW this to be true.  Which is why most people never make the commitment.

Not the real commitment.

Oh they say the right things and they take a few of the right actions to get started.

But why waste your time and energy if you haven’t made the real commitment?

And why loosely ‘commit’ to so many things other than to distract yourself from what will ultimately really matter?

When we start making a deep level of commitment, we understand that it’s simply not possible to commit to hundreds of things at any given time.  This level of commitment means that we can focus on two or three goals max at a time.  Because we’ve decided to see it through all the way to the end.

All.  The.  Way.  To.  The. End.

So here’s my challenge to you today:  I want you to have a look at your life and:

1.  Define commitment for yourself

2.  Ask yourself, what are you truly committed to achieving this year in your health and fitness, your relationships, and your business or professional life.

3.  Which structures can you put into place to ensure the outcome

4.  Which goals have you set that in retrospect you’re not really 100% committed to that you need to let go of so you can focus on the stuff that really matters to you.

Now it’s time to get rid of the distractions, put your head down, and take the action.

The true hardest part is done Darling.  The rest is easy.

Because ultimately death is inevitable, but thriving is a choice.

PS:  Ready to stop playing at commitment and really get down to business?  Do you know that you’ve tried this a gazillion times before and have a tendency to sway and wander on your own?  Hey – that’s not weakness!  Knowing yourself well enough to own up when you need support is the greatest level of strength shown.  I’ve put together Kick-Start just for you.  Thirty days where we not only set those goals, but get the structure in place to have you rock it out this year and beyond.  Ready to thrive Darling?  Let’s play.

The Will To Win In Every Area Of Your Life

Are you sick and tired of sitting down and trying to figure shit out?

Are you done with feeling like you keep following the steps that’s so clearly working for others yet which delivers no results for you?

Are you still hungry for success?

Are you ready to win?

Then I’m going to give you the same advise I’ve given every executive, leader, high flying entrepreneur and creative I’ve ever coached.

Start learning differently.

Understand that these boys and girls bring me in because there’s some serious shit going down in the company they’re struggling to get through.  Or they want to launch something brand new and have hit a block on how to do it in a way that brings phenomenal results.  Or maybe they’ve just had it with their team and they don’t know what else to do to get better results from them.

I listen to their greatest frustrations and real life problems.  I assess the structure of the departments, the personalities involved in their teams, their strengths and areas of improvement.  Then I look at their physical condition and where they’re at mentally.  We set the outcome goals desired in their business and then I inevitably drop the bomb “Pick your poison of sport and enter an endurance race”.

Never what they expect and yes I absolutely get resistance.  They don’t have time (have I seen their calendar??), they haven’t trained in years, maybe they’ll consider just doing a little 5 km race, it’s not on the current agenda, and on it goes.

But I’m relentless because I know that the learning they will get in doing the race is far greater than any degree.  There is magic in doing endurance racing.  A fact that all my clients who embrace this will attest to.  Because every time they come back from the race, they are their next level self.  And the company goals get smashed in record time.

So let me share some of my learning with you and you can figure out if I’m crazy or if it’s time for you to set that endurance race goal.  Whatever I’m sharing I want you to keep asking, how can I apply this to business?

First things first – the reason I go for the long races is simple: it’s a different mind-set and personality who does the more challenging distances plus the course designers assume you’re more competent so they throw in more technical shit.

People who generally do the fun runs are there for just that – fun.  They chat along the way.   They train when the weather is nice and they’ve had a good night’s sleep and the kids have been little angels and life is just hunkey dorey.

Those who go for endurance are all in.  You train regardless of the weather, the kids, how much sleep you’ve had.  You know the race is going to hurt like a mofo and every session you choose to miss is weakness you bring to the line.  By the way, you can even spot them in the short distance races as doing short races is part of the strategy to do the long ones.  But they don’t walk and they don’t chat.  They are focused and pushing and strategizing all the way.

Secondly my clients are generally high achievers and I know that they will be willing to endure shit tons for feeling accomplished.  You simply don’t feel the same from completing the short distance with hundreds if not thousands of people compared to the long distance which always has fewer numbers.  The longer the distance the smaller the number of participants.  You want to be part of the 1% of the 1%.  Not just another 1.

So let’s jump to the actual day.

Any endurance athlete will tell you that the hardest part of the journey is actually getting to the start line.  The amount of hours you’ve had to put in can be quite astonishing for most people.  Each hour of training represents way more than what appears to be fun to outsiders.  You’ve had to sacrifice something along the way to be out there.  Whether that sacrifice was sleep, spending extra time in bed with your partner, the last episode of Game of Thrones, the party all your mates went to last night which you knew was not even an option if you were to get out today.  You’re also sacrificing pretty dresses and spending thousands on make-up because majority of your money is spent on equipment, race entry fees, coaching fees, supplements, rehabilitation sessions – the list goes on and on.  Sacrifice is part of the game.

Training HURTS!  There’s intervals, power training, endurance training, tempo training.  Physically you’re hurting most of the time.  Actually that’s bullshit – except for the few minutes warming up, you hurt all the time.

Training means training your mind.  You know that you will never finish that race unless you believe you can.  And quite frankly Darling that takes a strong mind.  Your mind will give up long before your body – this is a fact. You stop the moment the voice in your head says “I’m done”.  Game over.  Never before that.  So you have to train that bitch and control her to do your bidding.

Standing on that start line there’s a level of respect between the competitors that you won’t find anywhere else.  You look around and you truly SEE people for who they are.  You don’t just see the skinny bodies – you see the hours of dedication, sacrifice, determination, focus.   You see them raw – trust me, everyone is shitting themselves.  You see magnificence.  Whether they get to the finish line today or not doesn’t matter.  They’ve earned the right to stand next to you.  And you bow down to that with respect (of course also mentally comparing yourself and picking at least one that you’re determined to beat to the finish line.  Oh come on!  It’s fun!)

Then the gun goes off and so do you.  Adrenaline wants to take over and this is your first call to discipline and strategy.  You have to know yourself, what’s your strength and what’s your weakness?  I know I’m slow as shit, but I’m a diesel engine baby.  I can keep going at the same pace for-fucking-ever.  I’ve learned that getting caught up in the excitement of the start and going balls to the walls bites me in the ass every time.  I blow and then my goose is cooked.  So I slow down to speed up.  This is MY race!

Oh that’s the other thing.  Most people who do endurance races are NOT there to compete against others.  They are ultimately there to compete against themselves.  Against the pain in their bodies.  The pain in their minds.  How far and how hard can they push themselves today?  Which obstacles can they overcome?  Which barriers can they break through?

Then there’s the journey that happens on the race.  There’s an emotional roller coaster that you won’t find anywhere else.

You start off feeling like the Hulk – Yeah, I’m invincible.  I’ve got this!

Then creeps in the lows – OMG this is hurting so much, everyone is overtaking me, I’m such a loser, of fuck I don’t think I can make it to the end.

There’s hope – Wooohoooo a water table!  I’ve made it to the water table.  Oh thank you God for the water table.

Anger – who the fuck designed this course?  I’m going to kill the asshole.  What were they thinking adding all these hills?  Inconsiderate bastards.

Determination – I will show you motherfuckers!  You’re not going to beat me today.

More hope – only 5 kms to go.  I can do this.  Fuck yeah!  I’ve got this bitch.  All the way, all the way.

The darkness – I can’t do it.  So near yet so far.  Where’s the fucking end????  They said only 2 more kilometers and I swear I’ve done another 5.  Lying bastards.  It hurts so much.  I don’t want to do this anymore.  Where’s my mommy?

Along the way you see others ending the journey due to injury or fatigue.  Not all days are created equal.  Every athlete knows this.  Every athlete knows that you can do all the preparation, all the work, and on the day something goes wrong and it’s just game over.  Your heart goes out to these athletes.  You always call out to them, acknowledging how far they’ve come.  There’s so much camaraderie and compassion on these races.  Nobody ever relishes in the failure of another.  There’s a lot humanity can learn here.

And then, finally, you hear it.  The music playing.  The voice over the speaker system.

Oh,

Thank you God!

I

Can

Do

This!

You dig deeper than you thought you had.  Your legs pick up speed.  You have no idea where the strength is coming from, but it’s there.  It’s been there all along.  You just had to get rid of all the BS stories and the ego to uncover it.

When you get to that finish line the crowd goes wild.  They don’t care how long it’s taken you.  They don’t care what position you came in.  In fact with majority of the seriously hard-core races you will find the winners back at the finish line to honor the last athlete.  Because they know it hurt that warrior way more.  We acknowledge that at endurance races.

There’s the elation – that lasts about 5 seconds by the way.  I’m not even kidding.

The last bit of adrenaline soaks the ground around you and the real pain sets in.  You crumble to the floor and you promise yourself and everyone around you that you will NEVER do this crazy shit again.  You’re done!  You’re hanging up the boots.

Three days later you’re sitting on Google looking for the next race.  That’s the true addiction of accomplishment.

Shit this piece is getting long and I can say so much more.  I can write a book!  Maybe that’s what I’ll do.

But are you starting to get it?  Can you see how all of this can be applied to every one of your goals, whether in business or your relationships or your lifestyle?

Do you get it?

Can you see why the CEO of a multi-million dollar company will come back from this event and walk into that boardroom a changed man?  A wiser, more powerful man.   A man who’s in it for the long haul and thinks strategy rather than adrenaline.  Because somewhere along the line he stopped comparing himself to the rest of the field and went inside.  Understanding that nobody is going to get him to the finish line other than himself.

If you don’t, get on a call with me and I’ll help you connect the dots because this shit is life changing.

Stop looking around you!  Fucking nobody is going to make you successful.  That’s all up to you Darling.

Yes people can share with you what has worked for them.  But personally very little of what works for others works for me and I’m willing to bet you’re the same.

That’s because you’re a leader, not a follower.

You’re a creator not a consumer.

When will you take the plunge and start the journey to your endurance race?  Because you and I both know it all starts with a decision.  A decision to say HELL YES to yourself and getting the fuck out of your comfort zone.  It’s about embracing the learning and the journey and a willingness to face your own demons.

I can guarantee it will hurt.

I can guarantee it will change you.

If not now, then when?

If not you, then why the fuck not?

Death is inevitable.   Thriving is a choice.

 

With love,

A

PS:   Not quite ready for this extreme but wanting to take a first step in connecting the dots and starting the power of unlocking your wisdom?  Then SQUAT is for you Darling.  In 5 weeks I will take you through a structured program of working up to 250 squats working on mind-set, goal setting, uncovering your big why, and so much more.  Check out SQUAT today and let’s start your journey.  Don’t be put off by the ridiculously low price.  This program works!

 

 

 

 

Is your beast asleep?

Ready to get your buttons pushed Darling?

I mean really pushed.

I mean having you walk away from this calling me a bitch.

If not, then don’t even read any further.

Cause I tell you what – I’m going to write this just for me (yes, I’ve had my ass handed to me and I’m going all out on myself) and you can choose whether the shoe fits or not.

This is going to be raw and real.  I’m not holding back and I’m not censoring myself because I know I can handle a good ass whipping.

I’ve got my glass of wine – how about you?

Deep breath.

Here we go.

Dear Anel,

Holy shit girl.  When the fuck did you become such a whimp?  When did you walk away from the mirror with your shoulders slumped over because you were just fucking exhausted of the fight.

Don’t you dare turn away from me.

You know what I’m talking about.

You’ve become soft.

You’ve started saying the right shit at the right time so people would stop spitting in your face.  You’ve stopped challenging the living hell out of your body because your mind has become soft.  You’ve stopped challenging people because you got tired of being called a selfish, inconsiderate little bitch who shame others for not showing up as their absolute best because we live in an average (choke) society where nobody is expected to be magnificent, powerful.

And you knew, you knew, that the only way you could live with the disgusting bile of average in your throat was to become average yourself.

So that’s what you did.

You get up and sit like a princess in your bed waiting for your cup of coffee to journal in a pretty pink book instead of hitting the pavement, freezing your ass off whilst pushing your legs to the point of exhaustion.  You drive in your air-conditioned car to yoga class and only do the poses that you’re confident in – hardly breaking a sweat.

Are you kidding me – you still can’t do crow pose after five months.

What.  The.  Fuck.

What happened to the bad-ass who overcame EVERYTHING in four months to become an IronMan when everyone else said it’s just not possible.  That your body is just too broken.  That you’re just too old to learn these skills.  That you have to be a responsible mother.  That you have a business to run.  That you don’t have the time.  Blah fucking blah.

You proved them wrong.

You got up at 3 am and hit the pavements in the dark on your bike.  Music pumping loud so you couldn’t hear the taxis trying to push you off the road.  You used your fear of being hijacked to NEVER slow down.  To not stop at the robots but to take your life in your own hands just to take it to the next level.

You cried.

You threw up.

You bled.  A lot.

You dealt with looking like a complete ass.

You collapsed in exhaustion.

And then you got up and you put in a full day in your business.

Never dropping a ball.

Why not?

Because you were breaking the glass ceiling of average.

You left behind every person who did not support you.  Adios Monchachos.

You went to bed at 7 pm spent but satisfied.

You stopped wasting time channel hopping and jammed your mind with inspiration every possible minute.

You never needed a group to motivate you.  Your passion was your motivation.

You never needed an alarm clock to wake you.  Your hunger for success woke you.

You never gave a shit what others called you because you knew you weren’t doing this for brownie points.  You did it because you knew in your heart that doing anything less, settling for anything less, was sacrilege.  And your soul hungers for an extraordinary life.

What will it take to reawaken the beast?

Who will you have to loose?  Other than yourself.  Because let me tell you right now, right here, that you have abandoned yourself.  You have given up on your truth.  You’re not showing the fuck up.  You’re not being true to your magnificence.

How much longer Anel?

How much longer will you settle?

How much longer will you fit in?

You’ve been to the door of death before.  You chose to live.  Yet here you are.  One foot in.  One foot out.

You’re sliding Anel.

You’re sliding.

Wake.

The.

Fuck.

Up.

It’s not just your life that is at stake.  You’re here to make an  impact.  You’re here to change lives.  Your mission, your purpose, matters.

What are you going to do Anel?

Time to choose.

What say you?

 

Dear Higher Self,

ROAAAAAARRRRRR Bitch!

You’re right.

I got tired.  I got tired of the pain: physically, mentally, emotionally.  I got tired of saying goodbye to my ‘friends’ and going it alone.

I got tired of doing the work.

The real work.

The hardcore mind-set work.

The discipline.

The dedication.

The determination of hunting down the challenges because NOTHING would stop me.

But you know what – the exhaustion of the doing the work pales in comparison to the torture of living average.  Of only doing one thing at a time.  Of moving slow on my goals.  Of doing it the way everyone else does it.

Because this is NOT what I was born for.

I was born to challenge the system, the beliefs that keep humanity calm, the professionals telling us what is and what is not possible.

Nobody can tell me what I can or can’t do.

They don’t know me.

They don’t know what I’m able to endure.

They don’t know who I am.

They don’t see the warrior in me standing up to the storm and embracing the force of the wind as my next level power.

They don’t see the love for all in my heart that says I will never ask of others what I’m not prepared to ask of myself.

They don’t know that it’s this love that I’m prepared to die for.  For my life was never for me but for those I am here to serve.

And you’re right.  My people do not respond to the soft purring of a kitten.  My people stand in their own storm and the only sound that penetrates the chaos is the roar of the beast.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that I sat down.  I’m sorry that I gave up – for a while anyway.  I’m sorry that I chose the easy way – for a while anyway.  I’m sorry that I did not fully show up for those that I’m here to serve.  I’m sorry that I went into hiding – from you, from them, from myself.

Enough and no more.

I will rise.

I will challenge my mind and my body every single day.

My failure will be part of my victory.

My pain will be part of my power.

My story will give others permission to declare “fuck mediocrity” and break through their own glass ceilings.  They will raise their standards for themselves because they can and nobody will be able to stop them.

You want to hear me roar?

Beast.

Mode.

On.

PS:  A heartfelt thanks to Clinton and my coach for holding up the mirror so I could see how far down the rabbit hole my ass has slid.  No more guys.

PPS:  I know the hardest part is getting started.  The hardest part is having the courage to get raw and real with yourself and up your game 100X.  Because nobody expects it from you.  Hell most people look at you and wonder how the hell you do what you do.  But you know that you’re playing at 10% of your capacity.  And here’s the deal Darling, I don’t expect you to jump from 10% to 100%, but even an extra 5% will make one hell of a difference to your life.  If you’re at the point of enough and no more and you KNOW that you’re not going to make the jump on your own, then be the achiever that says yes to getting support.  I’m not for everyone.  Hell I scare myself sometimes (refer to my philosophy that fear is a compass to growth).  But get someone.  And if I’m speaking your language then you have options to work with me.  Hit me a mail at anel@anelbester.com and let’s see the best way to get you from where you are to where you want to be.  Because SPECTACULAR looks so much better on you.

 

 

What’s the real deal with discomfort?

Why are we keeping people docile?

Why’s there a prevalent fear to speak personal truth knowing that feathers will be rustled but, on the other side of the coin, passions will be lit?

I believe it’s time that we as leaders start standing up and speak our truth to give people the discomfort to stop and think.

I completely understand that discomfort is, well, uncomfortable.  Nobody enjoys it.  Myself included.  I’m the first one to have a passionate up-flare to something that rubs me up the wrong way, but I’ve also learned that there’s something in there that warrants investigation.

Why this rant?

At a recent workshop I kicked the hornets nest by challenging current paradigms.  I truly believe that every person walking on the face of the earth, is fucking AWESOME with unlimited potential.  I don’t care what your background is, what your educational level is, what your title is, what your bank balance is.

YOU ROCK DARLING!

I won’t treat you differently if you’re driving a Porsche or taking the bus.  I respect you way too much to do that.

I believe that you’re a born leader and as such you have certain responsibilities.

You are responsible to know yourself – your values, your passion, your mission.

You are responsible to take excellent care of yourself physically so you have the maximum amount of stamina and clarity of mind to bring your A-game every day.

You are responsible for ensuring quality relationships – from your Creator to your best mate and everyone in-between.

You have a responsibility to be the BEST in the world in your chosen field and that means comparing yourself to the best of the best to continuously identify where else you can grow.

Above all, I believe you have a responsibility to be authentic – warts and all.  And to speak your truth no matter how uncomfortable things might get.

One of the exercises I gave the attendees was to think of a role model, someone they consider to be a top leader in the world.  Their task was then to identify how they are showing up in comparison.  Are they playing full out or are they only performing to minimum acceptable standards.   Pens moved eagerly across pages with satisfied looks all around.

That’s when I threw out “How would you compare to someone like Richard Branson for instance”.

Silence.

Pens dropped and so did faces.

“Well now that changes the picture completely” one brave soul ventured.  “Why?”  I was curious.   “Because he’s at the top of his game isn’t he?” was the reply.  “So then my question to you is, why wouldn’t you compare yourself to someone at the top of his game?  Why would you compare yourself to someone who is just one step ahead?”  There was a truly uncomfortable silence in the room.

Boom – I had them thinking.

This is where an interesting dynamic showed up – one came to everyone’s rescue!  “Of course not everyone needs to be a Richard Branson.  Or maybe you could look at where he was at the beginning of his career for a comparison”.

A sigh of relief – they were off the hook.

Why on earth would we make it okay for leaders to lower the bar for themselves?  How is this raising the standards for all of humanity back to BIW (Best In World) if we don’t truly aim to be BIW but just Better than the Average around Me?

In truth what this was really about for me was the discomfort felt in the uncomfortable silence.  Personally I was prepared to sit there for an hour to let the message really sink in.  I’m done with people claiming that they’re no different from anyone else but then lowering the standards for themselves so they never have to shine.  This is a really huge issue for me.

I think this is exactly why we live in a society where most people are walking around in a trance purely existing!  Because the truth of the matter is that our emotions drive us.  ALL of our emotions.  Not just the nice emotions.  Not just the comfortable emotions.  They don’t put passion in your arteries.

Discomfort is an opportunity for introspection.  It’s an opportunity to look at our triggers and ask ourselves what’s that really all about?  It’s the time when we get to really investigate our beliefs.  If they feel good to us, if they’re rock solid, we will have even more conviction after giving it some thought.  And if not, then this is a rare chance to change that which no longer serves us.

Yet none of this is possible if we’re constantly making things easy for people.  You don’t get strong through easy.  And it’s time for strong to come back because weak is fucking killing us!

What am I really trying to get across today?

My message for you today is that if you’re reading this you are a born leader.  No that doesn’t mean society needs to give you a special title or a pay raise.  Wanting those things before showing up fully is a cop-out and you know it.

It means that you’re here to start figuring out your purpose, your unique gifts that you bring to us, your truth, your values, and you have a responsibility to do the fucking work so you can start showing up as your best version, authentic, no more hidden sides, self.  It’s time for the leaders to be seen and by example inspire others to look inwards and raise their standards for themselves, do the work and step up.

Is everyone going to like you?  Hell no.

Are you going to be pulled aside and asked to please only speak about certain things because the whole of you is making others uncomfortable?  I would be surprised if you weren’t.

Being a leader is by no means easy.  When I asked the room who wanted to be a leader everyone raised their hands.  When I started getting real about what that could look like the hands came down one by one.  In the end only one stood.

Are you truly brave enough to accept your potential role as a leader?

Because if you are it’s time to stand up Darling.

What are you waiting for?

My challenge to you today is to have a closer look at your life and identify the areas where you’re not stepping up as a leader.  Where are you playing smaller than your true potential because you’re not comparing yourself to the best in the world but the best of the average?  Where are you staying comfortable by surrounding yourself with comforters?

And what the hell are you going to do about it?

Death is inevitable.  Thriving is a choice.

With love,

Anel

PS:  I happen to know that one of the reasons why leaders work with coaches and mentors is to stay out of their comfort zone whilst being supported at the same time.  To be held to a standard that nobody else has the balls to hold them to.  If you’re a born leader and you know that I’m the coach to raise your standards to excellence, to support you in dropping the bullshit, leave behind mediocrity and fully go full out in your life, then let’s connect.  Drop me a mail at anel@anelbester.com or book a consult here.

Harnessing the power which resides within your pain

I’m not really sure how many people will truly get this piece.  Everything that I’m about to share with you sounds completely insane to the average person.

I believe we’ve got this amazing feedback system residing within us which brings all the information that we need to go to the next level in our lives, become high achieving, completely fulfilled, successful bad-asses.

It’s called pain.

Pain’s been given a bad rap over the lifetime of humanity.  From the time we start crawling our mothers try desperately to protect us from experiencing pain, teaching us that it’s to be avoided at all costs.  I get it – I did the same with my boys and continue the struggle to let them get hurt even though I know how valuable the learning.

Yet if we’re never allowed to freely experience pain, how do we ever get the true messages that she has for us?  How do we ever get to understand her language and start harnessing a mind-set whereby we can not only redefine her, but use her to our betterment?

I first discovered the power of pain and how to change the conditioning of decades on my bike (where else?).  Remarkably I remember the instant with crystal clarity.  I was about 70 kilometers in on a solo endurance ride.  The road was undulating (if you live in Joburg, I was out in the Cradle heading back towards the lion park going anti-clockwise) and the headwind was a constant force to be battled with.

My legs were burning like crazy yet they refused to slow down – pumping out a tempo with determination.  I was looking at them in a state of wonderment and asked myself “What does this pain really mean?   Why is my body actively seeking to hurt right now?”  In my mind I saw a picture of a steam engine, the fires being stoked thereby generating more and more power for the train to pick up speed.  That’s it!  Pain = electric impulses firing on all cylinders which is giving my body the power, the endurance, the speed to win the race.

An insight the members of my spinning classes greatly cursed as I’m always so eager to share my wisdom with others and of course I believe in experiential learning.

I’ve never again slowed down because my legs are hurting.  Instead I’ve learned to embrace the pain and rephrase it so that I’m hungry to stoke the fires for more.

My next rephrase came from learning and understanding the teachings of Abraham Hicks (yes I’m a fan) whereby our emotions is our internal GPS system.  Feeling good means we’re on our way to living our most joyous lives, feeling like shit means we’re heading in the opposite direction.  With this foundation I started investigating my business and my personal life.

I discovered that when I experienced pain in my relationships, it was never because of what the other person did or said, but an abandonment of my personal values, beliefs and self-love that hurt like a mofo.  I’ve found that when we truly love and respect ourselves as the magnificent souls and fumbling humans that we are, there is no pain.  Yet we actively seek out learning and you and I both know that relationships are our greatest teachers.  So we constantly find ourselves in relationships whether romantic or friendship or business where we are given the gift of pain to gain deeper insight into who we truly are.  This means the gift is not forgiving others after all.  The gift is gratitude for the opportunity to fall more in love with self.

Next I turned to my business.  Where was it causing me pain and what was the message?  True as fuck, the message once again was abandonment of self.  Whenever I try and do business the way it’s being taught by the system, I experience some serious pain.  I’m not just talking emotional pain folks, I’m talking zero bank balance pain.  I’m talking working with all the wrong people pain.  I’m talking self-doubt pain where I start thinking there must be something wrong with me because everyone else is getting it right so I must be stupid if the ten bloody steps don’t work for me.  Truth is, nobody else’s steps will ever work for me because I’m a creative.  That means I was born to create not born to duplicate.  When I don’t look inside and do what feels awesome and valuable and uplifting, I sink like a brick in water.

With this learning I am now wide awake and once again being on the lookout for pain because I know every time I do, there is a gift to be found inside.  All I have to do is ask pain “What are you trying to tell me?”

Try it.

Journal that shit out.

Ask yourself whilst training and see what power you can find at the bottom of your pain to go harder, higher, faster.

Ask yourself in your relationships and see where you have maybe abandoned yourself in order for you to fit into the mold of some other poor bastards’ misery.

Ask yourself in business where are you not being true to your creative spirit and looking outwards for all the answers when in fact, they are all inside.  In your heart.  In your mind.  In your soul.

Whatever you do, start questioning!

Question not just pain but everything in life.  It’s time.

You and I both know that the current system is simply not working for our generation anymore.  And it sure as hell won’t work for the next generation.  Just look at our political chaos and you will know the truth of what I speak.

I know you’re a bad-ass.  I know that you’ve been stewing for a while now and you’re done feeling uncomfortable. I know for a fact that you’re ready to dive into the pain to find your power.

This is why I’ve put together Kick-start for you.  Thirty days of me tapping into your truth and holding you to that standard of excellence.  Holding your vision with you so that even if you falter, you don’t come to a halt.  If this is calling to you and you’re so done with where you’re at, then check out the details here.

Always remember Darling, death is inevitable.  But thriving is a choice.  And believe me, pain is part of that package.

Hesitation Leads to Devastation

I remember the first time I heard the expression “hesitation leads to devastation” was standing next to my  then coach, looking at what seemed at the time a rather insane rocky drop-off.  I suspect he intended his words to be soothing and encouraging, yet what I wanted to say to him was “Easy for you to say Asshole.  You’ve been doing this for years and I’m only getting started.  I’m terrified!  It hurts.  Piss off.  Grrrr.”

To put it into perspective this was after I’d already face-planted once in a very unladylike fashion.  My leg was hurt and bleeding – which paled against the sting of my ego.  I was not in the mood for his shit anymore.  If anything I was getting pretty prissy.

Then again, you should know by now that pissed at times gets me far in life.

I spat my frustration out to the side, inhaled my anger and just went for it!

Now I know you’re expecting me to say that I flowed down like a pro and rose victorious from my effort – it would have been pretty cool if that was the case.  But as this was real life and not a Hollywood story of inspiration with climaxing music, I came crushing and cursing down again.

And again.

And again.

SHIIIIIIIIIIIT.

Eventually, tail between my legs, I dragged my humbled ass back to my car and slowly drove home.

The achiever in me knew that I might have been unsuccessful today, but more than ever I was determined to nail this skill down.

It took many a bloody nose before I finally understood that it wasn’t about ‘fucking forward recklessly’ that gets you victory.  Instead there’s a journey whereby you learn the mindset and the process, practice the steps until you have succeeded often enough to start understanding the capabilities and limitations of your bike, the mechanics of the movement becomes smooth and above all else, you start trusting yourself.

Only then do you find the point where you see a drop-off ahead, make the decision to go, and fully commit to the outcome.

You stop paying attention to every little stone in the way, and relax into the flow.  Instantly your mind is freed up to take in the bigger picture, spots the best path and go from point A to point B with relative ease and yes, at some stage you even start enjoying this shit!

You learn that when you hesitate what in fact happens is your body tenses up, your brain freezes and starts frantically looking around for every little micro detail, inflating it to out of proportion which then takes you to the place you DON’T want to be.

Voila, you come crashing down.

Where your focus goes your body follows.

The other amazing benefit of this journey is that it truly does separate those who come from a place of ego and those who come from a place of desire.

Ego will bow down to pain every time.
Desire will embrace pain.

Maybe you’re not a mountain-biker and wondering what the hell any of this has to do with business.  So let me translate.

I’ve witnessed many a newcomer to business use the ‘all balls and very little brains’ approach.  They believe that if they just storm down a path they will get it right, and they might even get lucky a few times.  Eventually, unless they take the time to learn the mechanics and the process that best works for them, they will come crashing down.

Personally I believe it’s way less painful to fail in the beginning of your next level than when you’re further along.  Because the further down the path you go, the steeper the drop-offs, which means the more you bleed.

Instead, when you start on a new journey or the next level, give yourself the time to learn and fail in an atmosphere conducive to growth.  Allow yourself to learn how to fall (yes there is a trick to that as well) which causes as little damage as possible so that you can get back on and repeat the process again and again to the point where you understand and trust yourself enough to simply go for it.  Allow yourself to be supported by a coach or a mentor who will stand next to you, believing in you and who will show you the path of least resistance before saying “hesitation leads to devastation”.

Because there’s truth in this madness.

Once you’ve practiced and tasted success, your body and mind intrinsically knows what to do every time you get to a similar situation.

Don’t.  Hold.  Back.

Don’t go into a complete panic and freeze up, looking for every little thing that can go wrong.

Trust that you’ve got what it takes Darling and COMMIT TO THE FLOW.

Because if you don’t, if you hesitate, not only will you lose out on precious moments and opportunities, you will come to a crashing halt and will have to exert twice as much effort to get going again.

Let’s recap:

  1. As always, have a very clear goal and reason why you want to do this – pain will crush egocentric goals
  2. Allow yourself support during a mentally tough time
  3. Be prepared to fail until you succeed – learn and practice the steps until you’ve nailed it
  4. Once you’ve figured it out, trust yourself, commit and use momentum and muscle memory to move forward where others falter
  5. Celebrate the fact that once again you’ve proven to be a bad-ass to be reckoned with.

Honor where you are on your path and trust that you’ve got everything that it takes to succeed on your soul-driven journey.  You truly do.

It’s when you look around and see what others are doing that you tend to screw yourself over.  Never forget that most people have picked up some bloody scrapes along the way.  Some will continually stop themselves when they see potential danger ahead thereby never experiencing the exhilaration of ‘the rush’, some will go back to the top and say ‘I own you!’ and do it again.  If you’re watching the wrong crowd you’ll remain where you’re at.  In fear.

Believe.  Achieve.  Repeat.

If you’re ready for the next level and you’re allowing yourself the support you deserve, then now is the time to check out my Kick-start offer.  Thirty days of me standing next to you, keeping you on track to move forward no matter how loud the voices in your head scream to go back.  For the month of June I’m offering this package for only $450 because I want to make it as easy for you as possible to move forward to where I KNOW you deserve to play – with the leaders here to bring revolutionary change.

Don’t hesitate and let this opportunity pass you by when you know in your heart of hearts that this is your time and you’re ready for the next step.

Because ultimately death is inevitable, but thriving is a choice.

 

Boundaries speak the truth louder than your words

I can’t help but think that humanity has lost the plot when it comes to boundaries.  Like so many other powerful tools it’s been warped and twisted into a tool of egotistical cock-fighting.

Personally I believe strong boundaries are expressions of love.

True love which starts with self.

It’s about putting in the work to gather all the split-off fractions of your beautiful self which has been broken and scattered by the winds through people disapproving of your truth, your behavior, your difference, your opinions.  It happens.  It’s life.  No reason for a pity party – just deal and get on with the task at hand.

This is probably some of the hardest graft you will ever have to do in your life but once you reach the point where you look in the mirror and truly love the person you see, then and only then are you in a position to truly love others.  Actually then it’s kinda hard NOT to love others, regardless of their differences.  You might not LIKE everyone, but you can love them.

With love comes value – where you value yourself and others.  With value comes respect – for self and others.  Out of respect and value and love flows boundaries.

For me boundaries say that you believe in yourself and others.  There’s an energy of equality.  This is the point where you acknowledge the true magnificence of each spirit and your life is a beautiful reflection of this belief.

And as you graciously uphold your own boundaries you also respect the boundaries of others.  No more need for ego.

I have five personal boundaries which have served me well and which I’ve seen working magic in the lives of those I work with:

  1. I will not wait for anyone – When I first started riding with a group I would get so pissed when periodically they would wait for me at the top of a climb only to start riding again the moment I finally arrived, winded and spent.  More than that I became frustrated with myself because I knew these guys were out training to race and I didn’t want to be their excuse for not performing at their optimal.  I took it on myself to go out solo and train my ass off to get stronger so I could keep up with them on the group rides.  I now have the same philosophy for my clients and others.  That’s because I know that if they’re hungry enough to be in the lead pack, they will do the extra work to keep up.  If not, they probably belong in the coffee group.  I also happen to know from experience that waiting for others can be an excuse to give less than your best and will ultimately lead to a breakdown in the relationship with a tinge of resentment thrown in for extra flavor.
  2. I will halt unequal relationships – Co-dependency is a bitch!  It creates a culture of victim and savior which becomes a symbiotic relationship of ego-feeding and addiction.  Ultimately it leads to pain for both parties.  If you are surrounding yourself with people who take more from you than they give, walk away.  And if you’re surrounding yourself with people who give more than you are willing to you’re nothing more than an energy vampire.  You want to surround yourself with those who bring out your A-game Darling so that you can give your best version self to them.
  3. I will not idealize others – When we put others on pedestals we keep ourselves smaller than.  Of course that’s just an excuse not to show up for yourself at your full potential.  I realized a long time ago that we are all born equal.  Nobody is more special.  But when a few work their asses off, dedicate their lives to achievement often making tremendous sacrifices behind the scenes, we idealize them so we can excuse ourselves from fully showing up.  We relinquish our boundaries because they’re ‘more important’ but that is so disrespectful to them.  Meet each person as your equal because the true rock stars will respect your boundaries in the same spirit as you respect theirs.
  4. I will operate from my truth – Can you imagine how different the world would be if everyone just operated from their truth?  And stopped judging other peoples’ truth?  Why can’t we just understand that your truth is unique to you, in this moment, for where you find yourself and with the experiences you’ve had to form those beliefs?  Understand as well that your truth will change – it’s called growth.  The only reason people don’t operate from their truth is they’re terrified of being called on it by people who are bored with their own lives so they’re constantly looking around at who else they can ‘catch out’ and criticize.  Yet the moment we abandon our truth, we stop trusting ourselves.  We stop respecting ourselves.  We stop valuing ourselves.  We stop truly loving ourselves because we have gone into judging ourselves.  Can you see the spiral downwards?
  5. I will assert against disrespect – There is a difference between assertiveness and aggression (but that is a topic for another day).  When you value and love yourself it’s simply not possible to entertain disrespect.  At this stage I find myself appreciating peoples’ opinion of me, but I don’t tolerate people disrespecting me.  Quite frankly Darling, I love myself way too much to become a punching bag for your personal frustrations.  Disrespect always stems from fear and that is absence of love.  Simple.  As.  That.

I invite you to try these on for size and if they fit, use them.  If they don’t, simply define your own.  As always there’s no right or wrong.  Just right or wrong for you.

If you’re ready to fully embrace who you are and feel that you might have been playing a tad smaller than you know you can and if you know in your heart that I’m the coach who will hold the space of your next level growth, then now is the time for us to connect.

I’ve created Kick-start for born achievers who are hungry for their next level.  You can get all the details here.

As always remember that death is inevitable, but thriving is a choice.

Choose wisely.