Boundaries speak the truth louder than your words

I can’t help but think that humanity has lost the plot when it comes to boundaries.  Like so many other powerful tools it’s been warped and twisted into a tool of egotistical cock-fighting.

Personally I believe strong boundaries are expressions of love.

True love which starts with self.

It’s about putting in the work to gather all the split-off fractions of your beautiful self which has been broken and scattered by the winds through people disapproving of your truth, your behavior, your difference, your opinions.  It happens.  It’s life.  No reason for a pity party – just deal and get on with the task at hand.

This is probably some of the hardest graft you will ever have to do in your life but once you reach the point where you look in the mirror and truly love the person you see, then and only then are you in a position to truly love others.  Actually then it’s kinda hard NOT to love others, regardless of their differences.  You might not LIKE everyone, but you can love them.

With love comes value – where you value yourself and others.  With value comes respect – for self and others.  Out of respect and value and love flows boundaries.

For me boundaries say that you believe in yourself and others.  There’s an energy of equality.  This is the point where you acknowledge the true magnificence of each spirit and your life is a beautiful reflection of this belief.

And as you graciously uphold your own boundaries you also respect the boundaries of others.  No more need for ego.

I have five personal boundaries which have served me well and which I’ve seen working magic in the lives of those I work with:

  1. I will not wait for anyone – When I first started riding with a group I would get so pissed when periodically they would wait for me at the top of a climb only to start riding again the moment I finally arrived, winded and spent.  More than that I became frustrated with myself because I knew these guys were out training to race and I didn’t want to be their excuse for not performing at their optimal.  I took it on myself to go out solo and train my ass off to get stronger so I could keep up with them on the group rides.  I now have the same philosophy for my clients and others.  That’s because I know that if they’re hungry enough to be in the lead pack, they will do the extra work to keep up.  If not, they probably belong in the coffee group.  I also happen to know from experience that waiting for others can be an excuse to give less than your best and will ultimately lead to a breakdown in the relationship with a tinge of resentment thrown in for extra flavor.
  2. I will halt unequal relationships – Co-dependency is a bitch!  It creates a culture of victim and savior which becomes a symbiotic relationship of ego-feeding and addiction.  Ultimately it leads to pain for both parties.  If you are surrounding yourself with people who take more from you than they give, walk away.  And if you’re surrounding yourself with people who give more than you are willing to you’re nothing more than an energy vampire.  You want to surround yourself with those who bring out your A-game Darling so that you can give your best version self to them.
  3. I will not idealize others – When we put others on pedestals we keep ourselves smaller than.  Of course that’s just an excuse not to show up for yourself at your full potential.  I realized a long time ago that we are all born equal.  Nobody is more special.  But when a few work their asses off, dedicate their lives to achievement often making tremendous sacrifices behind the scenes, we idealize them so we can excuse ourselves from fully showing up.  We relinquish our boundaries because they’re ‘more important’ but that is so disrespectful to them.  Meet each person as your equal because the true rock stars will respect your boundaries in the same spirit as you respect theirs.
  4. I will operate from my truth – Can you imagine how different the world would be if everyone just operated from their truth?  And stopped judging other peoples’ truth?  Why can’t we just understand that your truth is unique to you, in this moment, for where you find yourself and with the experiences you’ve had to form those beliefs?  Understand as well that your truth will change – it’s called growth.  The only reason people don’t operate from their truth is they’re terrified of being called on it by people who are bored with their own lives so they’re constantly looking around at who else they can ‘catch out’ and criticize.  Yet the moment we abandon our truth, we stop trusting ourselves.  We stop respecting ourselves.  We stop valuing ourselves.  We stop truly loving ourselves because we have gone into judging ourselves.  Can you see the spiral downwards?
  5. I will assert against disrespect – There is a difference between assertiveness and aggression (but that is a topic for another day).  When you value and love yourself it’s simply not possible to entertain disrespect.  At this stage I find myself appreciating peoples’ opinion of me, but I don’t tolerate people disrespecting me.  Quite frankly Darling, I love myself way too much to become a punching bag for your personal frustrations.  Disrespect always stems from fear and that is absence of love.  Simple.  As.  That.

I invite you to try these on for size and if they fit, use them.  If they don’t, simply define your own.  As always there’s no right or wrong.  Just right or wrong for you.

If you’re ready to fully embrace who you are and feel that you might have been playing a tad smaller than you know you can and if you know in your heart that I’m the coach who will hold the space of your next level growth, then now is the time for us to connect.

I’ve created Kick-start for born achievers who are hungry for their next level.  You can get all the details here.

As always remember that death is inevitable, but thriving is a choice.

Choose wisely.

The mind-set that changes the playing field.

There are moments in life where you’ve earned the right to redefine yourself.

Moments when you’ve endured more than anyone deserves to know.  Where you chose a private hell to burst through the glass ceilings that held you in place of mediocrity.

All to achieve a goal others consider insane and a little irresponsible.

April 7, 2013 was one of those moments for me.

It all started way back in 1979 when, on a sunny day (setting the scene ;-))my parents decided to take us on a picnic.  Whilst the adults were relaxing with a bottle of wine, my brother and I decided to go for a swim in the cool pool at the bottom of a spectacular waterfall.  Clearly too young and stupid to register the fact that neither of us had ever learned to swim.

Splashing in the coolness quickly turned into mayhem as I stepped backwards and plummeted into a bottomless abyss.  Closing my eyes I can still hear the echo of the screams in my head as I swung my arms and legs wildly, desperately trying to find air.  I lost all sense of direction and couldn’t distinguish between up and down.  If it wasn’t for my brother I wouldn’t be here today.

This incident ingrained into my every cell an irrational fear of water which I carry with me to this day.

September 2012 a good friend showed me a 5 minute YouTube clip which rocked my world.  In a split second I made the decision that more than anything in this world I wanted to become an IronMan.

I was prepared to die just to hear the words “Anel, you. are. an. IronMan”.

Irrational?  Probably.

Insane?  I guess some would think so.

But soul goals are rarely rational or sane.  Soul goals are opportunities to re-define your perceptions of self.  And IronMan changed the way I live, love and do business.

Stumbling out of the ocean 2 hours 18 minutes after the canon shot off, I was radiating!  I’d done it!  I’d completed the 3.8 kilometers swim (probably exceeding 4 considering how crooked my path had been), ceaselessly talking to myself NOT to shit in my wet-suite, NOT to give in to the tears fogging up my goggles, NOT to stop and raise my arm to be pulled out as so many other stronger, more experienced swimmers had done on the course.

As I wobbled on my jelly legs my mind was working overtime.  How the fuck had I done it?  What made me different from the guys who gave up not just on the day but on the journey to the start line?  In that moment I downloaded a formula by which I’ve lived ever since:  Desire + Dedication + Discipline + Determination = Indestructible Baby!

Let me explain:

  1.  Desire – What drives you?  What is your big why – not only for wanting to achieve the goal but your very reason for inhaling oxygen.  This is an absolute game changer.  When you go deep and you tap into the fact that what you do really matters, that your actions and accomplishments impacts others, you access a super human strength that brings with it endurance, strength, grit!
  2. Dedication – Your goals must become your obsession!  You want to eat, breathe, dream your shit.  You want to talk about it all day long.  People will either get this and bring more to the table with advise, research, experience OR they’ll tell you to get a life.  This sorts your support team from energy vamps.  You know what to do.
  3. Discipline – This is a biggy.  It’s not just discipline to take the actions necessary JUST to finish, hopefully.  Oh no Darling.  This is where you take a microscopic look at your life and you’re prepared to clear out everything that can possibly sabotage or distract you.  That includes late nights when you have to get up early.  You show up for yourself when everyone else is sleeping or hiding in bed from the storm raging outside.  It’s when you use your week-ends to study and do your personal development work because recovery is done actively.
  4. Determination – How much do you really want it?  I mean really want it?  Determination requires re-framing obstacles as gifts from the Universe because every time one gets put in your way it weeds out the playing field.  Obstacles are Natures’ way of getting rid of the weak.  I ran many a mile with tears streaming down my face because I was in so much fucking pain caused by the piece of bone cutting up the inside of my hip that I would vomit in my mouth.  But I kept going, focusing on taking one more step and raging “Thank you God for giving me the opportunity to show you how much I want this”.  I made a deal with Creator and my biokineticist that if they got me to the start line of IronMan, I would get to the finish line.  They did, and so did I.

An indestructible mind-set is a great way to ensure that you stop wasting your time with inconsequential goals and focus on the ones that really matter.  Because when shit hits the fan, which it always does, and when the going gets tough, which it always does, you want to know that it’s going to be fucking worth it!

If you’re ready to set the goal that you will die for this year and you want to ensure you make the finish line, I’m ready to hold you accountable, raise your expectations of yourself, and kick your sweet ass into Vin Diesel shape.

Kick-Start is a 90 minute deep dive session during which we set your non-negotiable goal and anchor that baby down with purpose.  We draw up the project plan that will have you focused, clear and taking action.  This is followed by 2 one hour coaching sessions to identify any self-sabotaging patterns that stick their nasty little heads up and put the structures in place that will keep you moving forward.

Ready to become indestructible?

Let’s play Darling.

 

 

Power Up – When you’re done waiting for someone to empower you, you’re empowered.

You might call me an insensitive bitch by the end of this, but really it’s my deep caring that forces me to speak my truth.

Empowerment – a word that gets flung around like kegs of beer at a sorority party (remember those???).

In the spirit of complete transparency, it’s a word that I’ve been using with passionate exclamation as I got so sick and tired of hearing how everyone is helping everyone else.  Yawn.

You can’t help someone for heaven’s sake (I’m not referring to helping an invalid get nourishment into their body by feeding them but rather psychologically changing people from victims to victors).   You can present people with new possibilities, new ways of seeing, new ways of thinking – it’s still up to them whether they choose to embrace it or not.

So I kicked help’s ass to the curb and started using empower.  It sounds way cooler to empower people to take their lives to the next level.  To empower people to take action.  To empower people to take a stand for themselves.

Until the echo echo echo of the word was fed back to me to the point of nausea which gave me pause to think.  Yes I know I know, I’m a cynic who’ve come to the understanding that modern society has a way of taking wisdom and twisting it for the continued hypnosis of sheople.

I Googled empowerment and came across this definition : “authority or power given to someone to do something”.

How the fuck do you give someone power?

For me true power is internal.  It resides within every single person.  Yes unfortunately it lies dormant in a large proportion of the population – but it’s still there.

People have simply forgotten.  They get born and spoon-fed bland mashed veggies and societal rules of how wearing pants gives you power in the house, how money gives you power in the economy, how title gives you power in companies, how sex gives you power just about everywhere, how station gives you power in countries.

It’s done so convincingly that people disengage from the truth – that there is an endless source of power residing inside of them.

It’s called free will.

It’s called thinking for yourself.

It’s called owning your shit.

True empowerment is that moment when you stop being a victim of outside forces and instead scrutinize your life from every angle.  Your relationships, your bank account, your company, your happiness.  And you take complete responsibility for every one of those.

It’s the moment when you decide to level the playing field by understanding that you have all the power, all the potential, all the wisdom, all the creativity that everyone else in the history of mankind has ever had or will ever have.

It’s the moment when you invest in yourself and you decide that you’re going to get whatever you need out of the program to make progress regardless of who is presenting or what the content entails.

It’s the moment when you look at what’s pissing you off and either choose to keep it the same but not get upset or change it.

All of this is inside of you.  Nobody can give it to you.  Nobody can empower you – you simply have to re-power yourself.  Because the moment that you wait for someone else to empower you, you’ve given your power away again.

Tony Robbins stated it so beautifully that it’s never a lack of resources but a lack of resourcefulness that keeps people from achieving their goals.

Because let’s be honest here, it’s way easier to blame our parents, our partners, our kids, our bosses, our employees, our presidents, our economies for everything that’s not to our liking and drown our sorrows with a bottle of tequila than to switch off the social media feeds, read the books, brainstorm the ideas and take action every single day.

It’s hard work to wake up in the morning and to consciously choose to feel gratitude before your feet hit the floor.  It’s hard to discipline yourself to commit an hour a day to completely focus on your dreams and to take action even when nobody believes in you or shouts at you to meet their needs rather than your own.  It’s hard to raise your standards to excellence when all your childhood friends invite you to the pub each night – calling you a nerd when you turn them down.

But that’s true power.

That’s when you empower your fucking self to make shit happen.

If you’re serious about being a leader (and if you’re still reading I know that you are a leader) I believe it’s time that you stop focusing on trying to empower others and start empowering yourself.  Live your life in a way that inspires others to pick themselves up at their boot straps because if they don’t they will get left behind.  Surround yourself with people who simply don’t have time for drama and blame and who instead lovingly holds up a mirror for you and say “look, own and choose”.  Burn the fucking violins or change the tune so my feet start dancing involuntarily with excitement.

Now you might feel on fire at this stage as the light-bulb goes on and you know that Hell Yes, you OWN it.  Or you might completely reject all of this as a load of shit because I simply don’t understand your circumstance because if I did I would be more sympathetic.  Honey if you had any idea how often I’ve stood in shoes that has most people fucking running in fear, you will know that it’s because I understand that I’m writing this.  But ultimately it’s your choice how you decide to feel about this piece.

If you’re wanting to bring your A-game, to set some inspired goals taking back your power then I have a special offer for you.  For the month of June 2017 I’m offering Kick-Start  for only $450.00

We kick off with a 90 minute session whereby you get crystal clear on the goal that is an absolute non-negotiable for you and we draw up a project plan on how you’re going to achieve it.  You then have 2 one hour session to ensure you’re taking massive action, get the learning and tweak the plan as needed to ensure success.  Everything you need to kick-start your epic.

I know that for most people to make a radical change there has to be some serious shit going on.  That’s when we say Enough And No More.  That’s when you dig deep and find your courage to take a step towards your success.  And I know it takes more than a tot of courage to sign up with a coach which is why I’m making this an easy choice for you.

Ready to feel your power?

Press here.

Get your head in the game

Fear – I can feel it everywhere in my body. She feels tense. Where once there was certainty, faith, trust, there is now stiffness caused by the simultaneous contraction and movement of muscles. Even my fingers feel like giant lolly-pops without purpose or direction.

My head is filled with so many voices distracting me. Story runs over and under story causing a cacophony of insanity that has my eyes watering and my ears ringing.

People talking to me – I can hear the drama cascading from their mouths like blood dripping down a lion’s throat from a fresh kill. Except there’s no nourishment for me. Only more noise, confusion, madness.

Can you relate?

This is what it feels like for me when I get unfocused from my burning desire and instead get caught up in the lives that everyone around me is creating for themselves and which they so desperately want me to support by giving it attention. And at times I give in to the human desire to be liked and I take my eye off the ball just for a moment. Except the moment we change our focus our bodies follow and we change direction. I stray from my path and I go down Baby!

Like so many others I was raised to “stop being so selfish” and not to think of myself and what I wanted. I was told that introverts get nowhere and that life happened outside of the dance studio.

That’s all bull by the way. That’s us being raised through the lenses of pain from loneliness and exclusion of our well-meaning parents. But I’m not like my parents and chances are if you’re reading this, neither are you. Maybe like me you’re obsessed with what you desire to achieve and meaningless chit chat bores the crap out of you. Maybe like me you love digging deeper for the answers that are buried inside your heart to share the wisdom with those you came here to serve.

Maybe.

And maybe, like me at times, you feel fear (Fuck Everything And Run) caused by distraction and looking at the chaotic scenery painted by others instead of your path.

Not sure if this is what’s happening to you?

Fastest way to find out is to scan your body – right now, in this moment.

If you are feeling super clear, confident, focused and generally on fire, when you have tons of energy and little desire to sleep, when you are eating clean and training hard and feeding your mind with gold, you’re on track.

If however you’re doubting every step you take, if you’re constantly finding yourself listening to gossip and making sympathetic sounds to console, if you’re eating sugar and oily crap, lying on the couch rather than moving your sexy Gluteus Maximus, I will take a bet that you’ve taken yourself out of the game.

It’s time to choose.

You can continue to live like this – hell most people do. And that’s cool. I’m all for diversity in choice and don’t judge. I just want you to make a conscious choice.

Or you can take a deep breath right now and make the decision to get back in the game. But only if you’re ready to suffer a little to get your groove back because chances are that you’ve lost a little fitness Darling and you have to sweat to get it back. You’re going to have to do all the mind-set work again. You’re going to have to get that discipline muscle pumping. You’re going to have to upset some people and yes, you might even have fewer ‘friends’ on Facebook.

The reward?

Flow!

Those sweet moments when all the noise dies down – you come fully alive.

Imagine for a moment riding your mountain bike through a winding single track. Your senses heightened to the point where you spot the singular purple flower with a speckle yellow heart among all the fallen autumn leaves. You hear unique notes in every bird song. Breathe in the thrill as you relax your shoulders, hunch over the handlebars, knees bend, and you just flow as you allow the front wheel to roll effortlessly over rocks and broken tree roots.

Bliss.

This is your natural state Darling.

This is what business feels like when you stop following the crowds and start tapping into your purpose, guided by your joy and supported by your natural talents. When you sit at the keyboard and you allow your fingers to tap a staccato, tears flowing down your cheeks as you pay witness to inspired phrases appearing on the screen. When you sit in a meeting and you hear the words flowing out of your mouth astounded by the deep wisdom that is shared with those who listen. When you shake hands with your soul client and you have a deep knowing that the world will be a little better for the partnership that’s been formed by two creatives co-creating.

Oh the sweet joy.

The absolute certainty as your soul takes over and brings to the forefront everything that you need to guarantee success as you desire to define success.

If this is your choice then here is your game plan:

  1. Reconnect to your core values, your burning desires and your goals.
  2. Get rid of distractions! Stop chatting to the gossip-mongers. Clean up your social media feeds from all the drama queens. Clean out the fridge. If it doesn’t nourish you, it infects you. Let. It. Go.
  3. Put some supportive structures into place. Join the 5 am Club and have your Power Hour in the mornings. Sign up for a fitness class. Get the coach. Find the mastermind group. Know yourself well enough to get whoever you need to ensure success.
  4. Assess where you are today – you can’t get where you want to be unless you know where you are. Be honest with yourself – no use you have an inflated ego that trips you up.
  5. Start taking consistent action – every day! Nothing earth-shattering is needed to start with. Small daily improvements will lead to massive results. But consistency is key.

And above all, believe in yourself and the process. I’ve never met a person who set themselves a soul aligned goal and not achieve it when they stayed laser focused and took consistent action.

If you’re reading this and you believe that you deserve support in achieving your burning desires and you have a knowing in your gut that I’m the coach that will keep your rear on the path, then it’s time for us to connect. Don’t be shy – I don’t bite (much).

This is your chance to book a free coaching consult. But only if you’re willing to do whatever it takes and only if you’re ready to get past your childhood conditioning which no longer serve you.

After all, death is inevitable. But you get to choose how you live.

 

Unleash your inner child for a creative explosion in your business.

Not sure about you but whenever I become all ‘grown-up’ about this thing called life and especially business, I loose my spontaneity and joy. My energy slinks down the drain, my thoughts become sluggish as I try to follow the processes and strategies I’ve been preached.  I start seeing lines.

Lines freak me out.

So I become insecure and a little desperate that I’m doing it all wrong.  Thinking I look like a floundering fool just waiting to be caught in her mother’s high heels.  I nervously look at others for the answers on how to stand, how to speak, how to plan my day, how to eat, how to work, how to build my business following the seven steps so that I will look respectable and all grown up.

I cover my dark-chocolate-tequila-swirl core with vanilla and paint a perfect smile with my pink lipstick.  Transforming into the Stepford Wife saying the right thing at the right time, fitting in, becoming liked for my softer side.

I shrivel up.  A slow trickle eventually becomes a stagnant pool reeking of stale mud.  I feel uninspired, my business feels uninspired and stifling.  I might as well close the doors.

That’s when she wakes up.

My two year old rebellious bad-ass who throws a supreme tantrum which rocks me to my very foundation. Her voice cuts through all my bullshit and forces me to sit up and take notice. She demands attention at all cost. She throws her small fists into my face and gives my nose a mighty whack that brings tears to my eyes. She looks me straight in the eyes and asks “Why the fuck are you here?”

That’s all she needs to ask. Why am I here?

I go inside knowing this is the only place to find my ultimate answers.

I’m here to play.

I’m here to have fun on a massive playground with billions of other youthful souls.

I’m here to have magnificent, challenging, exciting, scary experiences.

That is after all why I left corporate in the first place.  The rules didn’t make any sense to me.  Instead of providing me supportive structure from which to create, they suffocated me and left me working within the parameters of a job description which was never written for me but a clone-like version of some of my skills.

I embraced my entrepreneurial spirit because when I am free from rules, I fully step into my authentic brilliance and give my clients permission to do the same.

Rebels who are curious to learn, adapt, transform and produce new and unique products and services for the betterment of humanity.  Rebels who love the hustle but not the grind.  Rebels who every now and again look around because they feel frustrated with their progress and start doubting themselves, thinking that maybe it’s time for them to grow up a little and do it in a linear fashion as indicated by an expert in the field.  Rebels who every so often come to me to grow the fuck down and play in the mud to access their creative muse.

If you’re a born rebel for whom life is feeling a tad serious at the moment leaving you uninspired and run down, it’s time to grow down a little.  It’s time to remember that you started this business because you thought it would be fun.

Take a deep breath and walk off the field.  It is the best thing you can ever do for yourself, your business, your clients.

Walk to where you find an open piece of land, connect with your two year old and ask yourself “Why am I here?”

Reconnect with your special purpose, figure out what brings you most joy and what feels really supported by your natural talent.  Be brave enough to do it differently because it will give you that nugget feeling when you get it right when everyone else told you you’re doing it wrong.

Then come back and do it your way Darling.

Your game. Your rules.

Ready to play?

The hidden power of failure

You’ve heard me preach it before – fail often, fail hard, fail forward.

Which seems such an absolute contradiction for someone who is performance and achievement driven.

Failure is one of those super powers that’s given a bad rap by a culture of prevalent mediocrity.

A power that gives us something to aspire to, to grow into, which seems absolutely impossible until it becomes possible leaving us with massive satisfaction.

Failure is a servant of perspective – bringing you down to your knees thereby changing the scenery and providing an opportunity to spot the missing steps you’ve failed to see before.

It’s a chance to pause and find the gaps in your strategy, to strengthen your weaknesses for a brilliant foundation from which to grow.

It offers us another power which most never considers.

It gives us the power to distinguish true purpose from ego.

When you fail the first time it stings like a mother! At this point majority walk away from the ‘impossible dream’. Some wipe off the trickle of blood dripping from their nose, square up their shoulders and try again.

When you fail the second time you come down to earth HARD.  Again, some will walk away using some external reason beyond their control as the reason for failure.  Those determined to stay in the game will now take a moment to look where it truly matters – inside.

This is when you start asking the tough questions:

  • Why did I start on this journey in the first place?
  • What was the purpose of all of this?
  • How much do I really want it?
  • And – was this all just an ego trip OR is this truly in alignment with my purpose?

The last question is especially challenging as nobody likes to admit that they’re attempting something spectacular to score brownie points. But hey, we’re all human. We all play in the realms of ego.

And darling, THIS is where the magic lies. When you get to the point where you’re bleeding, tears running down your face, shoulders slumped in defeat, head towards heart and you connect with purpose – you fucking RISE with a determination which humbles the forces of nature!

You connect with a spiritual presence that simply defies all worldly norms and rules and bends atoms with your will to create the result you set out to achieve in the first place.

But ONLY if you were willing to fail and ONLY if you were willing to face the embarrassing possibility of ego.

If you do find yourself sitting on your ass and the answer is ego, have the balls to laugh at yourself, rise with dignity and go back to the drawing board to reconnect with your purpose and set the next inspirational goals.

After all, we learn through contradiction, by being open to exploring, by failing often, failing hard and failing forward.

If you’re ready to face your patterns of self-sabotage, to connect with your true purpose and to fail forward because you have a burning desire to succeed then it’s time to get on a call with me – but only if you’re ready to give fear the finger and thrive.

Let’s play.

Friday Thrive – The Voices In Our Heads

The mind is our most powerful asset but it can also be the seed of our destruction.  It dictates the way in which we interpret life and gives meaning to everything our senses perceives.

Whether we admit it or not, we all have stories running the show of our lives.  The script running in the background which, through repetition, becomes our truth.  A ‘truth’ which ultimately dictates our behavior and the ensuing results.

Yet so many people have this running on autopilot, feeling like victims and thinking that they simply don’t have empowered choices.  I should know – it took me years before it hit home that there was a voice telling me a couple of lines over and over again like a broken record.  It was so convincing that I honestly could not get past it and see any other possibilities.

Then one morning as I was driving to my yoga class I set the intention to become aware of my story.  I was absolutely astounded by the fact that I’ve been hearing the same drama for more than a decade and never bothered to pay attention or question it.  Before I stepped out of the car I made the choice to take control of my mind and NEVER become a slave to it again.

This bitch would work for me!

If you don’t like the way in which you perceive reality, you can change it in a matter of seconds.

It all starts with awareness.

In this episode of Friday Thrive I chat about how to identify the story, how to train your mind to change the story and share some easy yet powerful tools to create different results in your life.

 

If you’re a business leader or purpose-driven entrepreneur who enjoy questioning the norm and challenging traditional ways of thinking, join the conversation with other Business Rebels.

Friday Thrive – The Value of your Values

It seems that this is a topic that keeps repeating – yet when you understand the enormity of the impact your values have on your results, I’m sure you will agree with me it’s worth talking about even more.

In this Facebook Live I highlight the importance of taking the time to figure out YOUR values before moving forward in setting your next set of goals.

 

If you’ve come to the realization that you still don’t know your true values, let’s jump on a call and get your feet on your most joyous path!

Reflections of Self

Coach:  ” You are balls-to-the-wall and it scares the fuck out of people. They don’t think they can hang…”

Me:  “ROTFLMAO”

This was an actual email exchange last week.

I laughed because I know that’s not true.  It’s not that my approach to life that scares people.  There’s nothing that I can do that every other person who’s ever lived can’t do.  They have all the same internal resources as I do.  Most of them have way more external resources and stronger bodies than I do.

It’s just that not all of them choose balls-to-the-wall and instead of owning that choice, they project a story on to me.

I discovered a few years ago that the all-knowing, all-loving, all-supportive Universe gave us everything we need to create an epic life.  What I love even more is the way in which the Universe has a wicked sense of humor (she must be a middle-aged woman!) by hiding the eggs and then burning the map – NIIIIICE.

Kinda makes the entire adventure much more thrilling – don’t you think?

One of the clues on the map is people.

We love them, we hate them, we love to hate them.

In truth they’re nothing more than reflections of the gazillion aspects, potentials, personality traits, within us.  A gleaming mirror with a spotlight illuminating every bump and pimple – no hiding Jack.

Some of those aspects we’re very comfortable with and we claim them instantly – ‘Oh YES, we’re like peas in a pod.’

Some of those aspects bring up a whole ugly can full of uncomfortable emotions such as shame, guilt, resentment, anger, fear (need I go on?) so we prefer to disillusion ourselves by thinking that if we ignore them they will seize to be – ‘Oh hell no, we’re nothing alike.’

All of them (people and the shit they do) are opportunities for introspection, growth, and self-empowerment.  When we own the light AND the dark, AND we consciously choose which aspects we desire to play with at what time, we become pretty unstoppable.

Should you choose to accept this mission of phenomenal personal growth keep reading.

(I know you’re already hearing “This message will self-destruct in ten, nine, eight, seven…)

Let’s be completely honest here – this stuff is way easier said than done.  Asking you to look at every person around you and OWN that within yourself (even your in-laws), is like asking you to french-kiss a cactus.  Who does that?

Actually, sometimes I do.

You can too.

If you choose to. (See how often the word CHOOSE is coming up?)

And here’s the other brilliant news today – you don’t have to figure it all out yourself or do it all on your own!

My personal awakening came from reading Byron Katie’s book “Loving what is” and doing “The Work”.  This book and process is one of the most annoyingly effective ways of finding the truth that lies under all the projected BS we hang on to those around us.  It should come with a warning label – ‘Are You Ready For This?’

But seriously – it’s BRILLIANT.

I can’t tell you how many pages and pages of the work I have done, and continue to do.

I’ve personally found that once you see the mirror, it’s very hard to go back to NOT seeing the mirror.

Is this awakening challenging?  Hell yeah!

Worth it?  You bet!

And if you’re ready to own your balls-to-the-walls aspect, I’m ready to hang.

I promise I don’t bite 😉

Book your free coaching consultation here.

So What If I Howl?

This blog is dedicated to Susie.  Thank you for honoring my howl Sister.

It’s an interesting experience – this thing called social life.

When we first leave our mother’s womb, we’re encouraged to cry out in a loud albeit squeaky voice.  To be heard.  To be celebrated.

Then… not so much.

Instead our cries are seen as a sign that something’s wrong – a loud interruption which has to be silenced asap.

Sometimes through the gentle rock of loving arms.

Sometimes with angry voices and tears of frustration.

Sometimes through no response at all.

We’re told we are a social creature too weak to live alone.  We quickly learn the language of our ‘people’ to feel safe, to find our place, to belong.  We learn that certain expressions are welcomed, rewarded with sweeties or loving words and bright smiles.  Others are met with disdain leaving us filled with a sense of shame and uncertainty in self.  What have I said wrong?  Why doesn’t he like it when I express my thoughts and feelings?  Why am I being shunned?

So we adapt instead of understanding that even though we look the same, we’re not necessarily the same.

Some learn to sing like the pretty birds who twitter excitedly in the morning.  Others to roar like the mighty lion surrounding themselves with a powerful pride and strut through the world.  Some just keep quiet altogether and snuggle in slumber like the hibernating bear.

And then there are those of us who turn our backs on it all.  Instead we love the silence which is created through the path walked alone.  Silence which gets broken when the passion in our bellies rise into our throats and tears out in a mighty howl.  Not expecting or requiring an answer.  Not needing or wanting anyone to rush to our side.

We choose times when we seek the fun playful energy of the pack.  Where collaborative power is seen at its best.  And then, without explaining our reasons or our desires, we leave again and walk alone.

I’ve found that those who are not of my breed find it hard to comprehend.  In their effort to place me in a category they can understand they judge me as a loner, an introvert, shy.  I’ve even been called selfish and a freak for loving my own company as much as I do.

Funny thing is whether a bird or a lion, a bear or a wolf, all is celebrated by Creator as equal.  Each is perfect in their exquisite detail down to the last toe-nail.

Each creature lives comfortably with their kind.  You don’t see birds trying to roar and you don’t see bears trying to fly.  It’s only people who appear to put continuous judgement, making desperate attempts to change their inherent spirit to be one of the ‘cool kids’.  And quite frankly that hurts like a mofo.

What if we stopped that shit?

What if we accepted and celebrated the differences?

What if instead of encouraging others to be like us, we call to ourselves those who are like-minded?

Today I invite you to sit down in a moment of silence and explore your truth.  Shut out the noise of media, draw the curtains and journal on the following:

  • When do you feel uncomfortable, fraudulent, shame and fearful?
  • Who is with you?
  • What are you saying to yourself and those around you?
  • What’s their normal response and how does that make you feel?
  • Now ask yourself when do you feel completely alive?
  • What are you doing at the time?
  • Who are you with?
  • What do you say to yourself and those around you (if there are any)?
  • What is the normal response and how does that make you feel?

I know that deep down you already know that the latter are your people!

Those are the ones you want to talk to.  The ones who will get that a growl has a million different nuances.  That sometimes your passion booms without restraint and sometimes it’s a mere sigh.

You need to let go of the rest.  Whether colleagues, clients, lovers or friends.

I know I know – not easy.  But here’s the thing:  if you love them with all your heart and you’re not feeling amazing in their space then they’re not feeling on fire around you either.  Which means the most loving thing to do is in fact to walk away.

It’s time to own who you are without apology or compromise.

Tweet, roar, snooze or howl Darling.

Someone out there needs to hear the pure sound.

And they will be astounded by you.

 

Ready to dive in and own your truth?  Then let’s connect.