Screwing around with change is screwing you over.

Change is a beautiful thing.

Scary as hell.

It demands total commitment.

And let’s be honest here Darling, very few people exhibit true commitment in their lives these days.  It could be out of fear that they will be labelled as obsessed, weird, anal, boring.

We both know that the culture of mediocrity adores labels.

For me, commitment is 100%.  Nothing less.

You are either committed, or you’re not.

And like a jealous lover, Change is not prepared to share you with Procrastination.

That is because she knows that change in and of itself, is challenging.

It demands that you question your values up to this point.

It demands that you question your choices up to this point.

It demands that you do some introspection and ask yourself why, if this change is good for you, have you not done it before?

Why in fact, have you done the opposite which be default then implies that you’ve done something that was possibly bad for you?

Honest, judgement-free introspection takes balls.

It has to come from a place of total unconditional self-love for it to be effective.  Otherwise you’re still buying into the victim mentality so prevalent.

What do people do?

They listen to someone passionately express their choices, their behaviour and the results they’ve received from embracing this choice.  It’s clear that they are happier than you are.  More at peace.

And you get caught up in their conviction.

So you say YES, I’m going to change!

I’m going to do it differently.

I’m going to get my shit together.

I’m going to do it!

Starting Monday.

Instantly you destroy any chance you’ve had of lasting change.

Why?

Because you’re not committing to change from a place of deep inner knowing, conviction, and honour.

Your current behaviour is more alluring than the benefit of change.

Your reluctance is your inner two year old pricking up her ears and saying “HOLD ON BUSTER, I’m not willing to give up anything!  I’m not willing to give up my pleasure.  I’m not willing to sacrifice.  Fuck ’em – they’re lying.  I deserve to smoke.  I deserve to drink.  I deserve to eat as much shit as I want to.  I deserve to hold on to my codependent relationships.  I.  WILL.  NOT.  BE.  MOVED!”

Even though you’re paying everyone lip service of how it’s going to be different going forward, that’s all it is Honey Bunny.  Lip Service.

Do yourself a favour, and rather say Hell No!

Aren’t you exhausted from feeling like a failure?

From waking up each morning and howling “What the fuck is wrong with me?  Why am I always sabotaging myself?  Why can’t I just get it right?”

Well maybe it’s because you’ve been kissing ass for so long that you’ve forgotten who the fuck you truly are!

Maybe you’ve been saying Yes to everything that you want to say No to thereby stacking the deck against yourself.

Saying Yes to things that are contradictory to your core values is failure.

I understand that it takes 66 consecutive days of new behaviour for the neural pathway to be formed, but change happens in a nanosecond.

It comes back to making a decision and becoming a woman of your word.

Not for anyone else.

But for YOU!

If you can’t begin to trust yourself you’re screwed.

You’ll never take the real risks that will lead to iconic levels of health, success, joy and pleasure.

You’ll never honour yourself and your desires to the point where mediocrity is simply not tolerated.

You’ll never love yourself to the point where you can truly love humanity enough to have those boundaries in place, giving people the security they require to have meaningful relationships with you.

And it all starts with making Hell Yes or Hell No choices of change.

If you’re not willing to draw a line in the sand and to say that “I’m changing as of right now”, say no.

I don’t believe that you’re addicted to jack shit unless you choose to be.

I chose to stop smoking in a moment.

I chose to stop drinking in a moment.

I chose to stop taking antidepressants and become well in a moment (with a punching bag).

I’m nothing special.

I’m exactly the same as you.

I simply decided that I’m a woman of my word.

That my yes was a Hell Yes and that my no was a Hell No.

That empty promises is fucking boring and a waste of my time.

That understanding my true values, have clarity on my vision, committing to achieving my goals, makes my life super easy and quite frankly I’m here for a purpose and that purpose doesn’t include keeping others happy.

My purpose is kicking ass, not kissing it.

It’s a pity that so many people miss the love in my message and instead choose to get their backs up – but that’s their choice and I always respect that.

We’re coming up to the end of the year and I’m already hearing people say that they’re going to change as of the first of January 2018.

Bullshit!

They’re not going to change.

They’re just full of hot air, blowing smoke up your ass so you will approve of them.

So how do you commit to hell yes change?

We go back to the beginning – figure out your values!

I simply cannot over-emphasize this enough.  Your values are the foundation of your life. Take the time to figure out what is truly important to YOU – not your parents, not your culture, YOU.

Connect to your purpose.  YES we all have a purpose.  People who say you don’t have a purpose are just too bum-ass lazy to figure it out.  What is your message to the world?  What is the pain that keeps you up at night, that eats you up inside?

For me it’s seeing people exist.

FUUUUUUUUCK!  It kills me – I have been there and I’m so passionate to empower people to understand that they can truly thrive!  But they have to choose to thrive and they have to do the work!

Create your vision.  Set your goals.  Commit to them.  Death before DNF – which eliminates the whole failure debate.  It’s not over until you’ve succeeded therefor failure is an illusion.  The journey might simply be longer than anticipated.  More learning needs to take place.  But whilst you’re still breathing, it’s not over.

The moment you get to this point everything else is easy.

If the change brings you in alignment it’s a HELL YES, immediately.

If not, it’s a HELL NO.

Easy.

Stop overcomplicating shit.

And if you haven’t figured out your values, your purpose, your vision yet, then just say no to everything for now!  At the very least it will make you feel like you have some balls to stand up for yourself.  It will not be setting you up for failure – you will start feeling like a winner.

It’s time for your to feel like a goddamned winner.

You are so powerful Darling.

Stop pretending to be a victim.

Stop pretending to be weak.

Stop kissing ass.

Rise!

For death is inevitable.

Thriving is a choice.

With love,

Anel

PS:  I work with HELL YES people.  Those who are taking an objective look at their lives right now and saying “It’s time for change.  Right now.  Today.  I’m getting up and I’m moving forward leaving behind all the bullshit that has been keeping me at levels less than my best.”

Are you that person?

Are you done with your excuses?  With your half-assed goals?  With your non-committal to excellence and thrive?

Ignite is 90 minutes to get you up and moving in the direction of your true desires.  Of getting clear on your values, setting your goals, identifying the beliefs that will ensure success.

If we’re a powerful match and you decide to continue on the coaching journey with me, I will offset this investment on your six month package.  If not, you still walk away with clarity, action and purpose.

Is it a Hell Yes for you?

 

Nothing changes until you change your stories, your choices, your voices.

Happiness…

The crown jewel.

The utopia we all desire.

We set the goals we think will make us happy.

The amount of money that will tip the scales.

The deal that will be the cherry on the top.

The car.

The house.

The designer jeans.

The race.

The promotion.

The client.

The big love of our lives that we want to be with until death do us part.

We manipulate those around us so they can act in a way that will make us happy.

If they don’t conform to our demands, we scream, we sulk, we fire them.

And if we’re not happy, we sniff out blame like hound dogs on the scent of a fox.

The absent lover.  The insensitive friend.  The unrealistic boss.  The uncooperative client.  The vindictive colleague.  The crashing economy.  The debt collectors.  The corporations.

Except all of this is removing us from happiness.

All of these stories we tell ourselves simply has us on a freight train to a station called Disappointment followed by Dissatisfaction.

Stop in your tracks right now!

I know you’re ready for the truth.

I know that you’re ready to stop the madness, the senseless chase, the lies.

I know that you’re ready to shut out the noise and to sit down and reconnect with your truth.

So here’s mine:

I am the centre of my universe.

A soul in human body having an epic experience.

I’m playing a game with no rules, no predictions, no limitations.

Every morning I wake up and I start telling myself stories.

I choose which stories I put on replay.

Sometimes my ego wakes two seconds before me and the little bitch adores drama.

She relishes fear.

So she tells me stories of everything that is not right.

Everything that has gone awry.

Everything that feels wonky, makes me insecure, has me nervously turn around in bed.

And immediately I get to choose if I feed her sweet chocolate, buying into her temptuous voice of bullshit.  Tippy-toeing through my day.  Apologising for my intrusion on others.  Swallowing down my truth in case I offend.  Hiding my desires on a piece of paper at the bottom of my drawer under layers of shame.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many decades I lived like this!

DECADES!

There’s another choice I can make each morning.

I can recognise her voice, her tone, and I can giggle.  I can state my truth out loud over and over again in the form of affirmations ensuring that my voice is louder than hers.

I drown that bitch out with what I know on a soul level.

Who I truly am.

What I am capable of.

What I’m here to do.

Who I am here to serve.

And the fact that I am phenomenally fucking happy!

Others look at me and they don’t understand.

They think it can’t be possible.

They try and tell me why in fact I am crying on the inside even though I’m smiling from ear to ear.  Because I’m not ticking their boxes of what they believe is required to be happy.

And I have so much compassionate understanding for them.

For I used to think that my life had to change for me to be happy.

I used to believe that when I made more money, won more races, drove a newer car, that things would change.

That the happiness fairy would sprinkle some dust on my ass and viola!

But that’s all bullshit Darling.

The only thing that needs to change for you to be happy, is YOUR THOUGHTS AROUND BEING HAPPY!

You simply have to wake up one morning and choose to be happy.  It’s that fucking easy.

And if you don’t remember what happy feels like, go do something that had you laughing as a child.

For me I can go from miserable AF to laughing in delight in two minutes flat on a bike.

Put me on Artemis or The Cookie Monster and I’m there.

It’s a learned trigger – I have outsmarted my ego!

Think of Pavlov.

I’m the dog.

My bikes are my biscuits.

And I have trained myself to salivate with delight when I put on my cleats.

Why did I do this if I know happiness is a choice?

Because I’m still human and things happens that knocks me off kilter and I simply decided I don’t always have the patience and the time to sit and work through all my shit in therapy or journaling or tapping or whatever else.  I’m not always (hardly ever) in the mood to work through all the fucking drama and cry the tears and then work my way back up to happy.

I just want to flick from pissed off, defeated, sad, traumatised to happy.

So I’ve trained myself to get on a bike and flip the switch.

Instantly.

And yes you can too!

Don’t listen to everyone telling you it’s harder than this.

Don’t believe them when they tell you it will take years of therapy and medication for you to just feel a glimmer of hope again.  That you have to work through all the trauma caused by your parents, the murders in previous lifetimes, to hopefully get healed and then maybe you’re still alive to be happy.

The Universe gave you the most powerful tool of all – YOUR BODY!

You’ve just forgotten how to use her effectively.

Train your body to train your mind to train your body even harder.

Find the movement that truly thrills you.

Not everyone loves biking (WTF is wrong with you people??? LOL)

Yet everyone has that one thing that instantly brings them joy.

Do MORE of that!

Wake up in the mornings and take note of the voice in your head.  If he is filling you with doom and gloom start laughing, knowing that it’s just your petrified little ego trying to screw you over.

Write powerful affirmations on your bedroom window, on your bathroom mirror, damn girl,  write it on your toilet paper if you have to.  Start drowning out the voice of doom and gloom and take control of your mind.

Know that you’ve got this.

Always and forever.

Know that you can choose to be happy even as you read this piece.

You can shout out loud “I choose to embody happiness right now!  I choose to be happy!  I am phenomenally fucking happy!”

Come on, do it, I dare you.

Feel the shift.

Feel the heat course through your veins.

Feel the rise inside of you.

I tell you my friend it’s fucking addictive, and if we’re going to be addicted to anything, why not choose to be addicted to happiness?

Death is inevitable.

Thriving is a choice.

With love,

Anel

PS:  Are you ready to be happy?

Are you ready to take control of your mind and to drown out the voice that is telling you how you’re just a victim of circumstances?

Are you ready to do it for real this time?

Ignite is ninety minutes of us getting rid of the layers of bullshit and find the heart of your true desires.  Setting the goals in alignment with your values and be happy on the way to achieving them.  Writing the belief systems that is your truth.

We get you focussed so you stop distracting yourself with your fears.

Come ready to leave your drama at the door Darling and to show up as your warrior self.  For it’s your time now!  And I know that you’re ready for your next step now!

Stop topping it over.  Stop trying to find a reason to justify why you deserve to invest in yourself.  You’re worthy – end of story.

Let’s play.

 

 

Are you feeling like your engine has run out of juice?

It’s almost the end of the year.

I get that.

People have been through the ringer.

I get that too.

But I also get the fact that it’s time we stop living our lives according to the calendar, to the digital watches on our wrists, to the demands of a faceless machine called industry.

That we stop compartmentalising and only focussing on some of what’s important to us as people and mostly on what is important to others.

That we stay connected to our cups and filling them up every single day.

It’s the most loving thing we can possibly do for everyone.

It’s in the times that we do everything we’re being told to do to the neglect of our joy, our health, our relationships, our purpose, the we go into robotic automation.  We lose our spark.  We lose our creativity.

We become vanilla.

Fuck, I hate vanilla.

I’m as pumped now as I was in January.

About my goals.

About my values.

About my aspirations.

About my life!

Why?

Because I’ve stayed connected.

My goals are written in a way that always brings a rumble in my belly and a smile to my face.

They are done with passion and clarity and meaning.

This wasn’t always my experience.

I used to kill myself to achieve my goals and if I hit the mark I would be thrilled for about five minutes and then left feeling deflated, empty, listless.

I used to pull out all the stops and be so focussed on the outcome that the minutes of my life was disappearing down the drain devoid of any pleasure.

And if I didn’t hit the mark, OMG I would crumble into a heap of defeated shame of not being good enough.  That others were doing it which meant something was missing with me.  I must have blocks.  I must be doing it wrong.  I’m a factory reject.

Damn I was a hot mess!

Yet it’s been an incredible journey and thank the dimples on my ass I took the time to do some deeeeep introspection, work with some fabulous coaches who were strong enough to hold up the mirror for me, and get to a new level of understanding.

I’ve come to understand that being a high achiever is not about crossing the finish line, even though it still has me clapping my hands in glee.

It’s about the thrill of the journey to get to the line.

It’s about staying connected with why I set each and every goal.  Not the outcome, but the emotions it brings.

The joy, the sense of being a bad-ass manifestation machine, the sense of accomplishment, the learning that’s taken place, the  excitement of meeting amazing people as I always do, all of it.

It’s about that exuberance I feel when I see that I’ve once again honoured what I value in the face of opposition.

I’m pumped from the adrenaline gained by facing the unknown, the fear, the drive.

I’m revving engines high from the opportunities to really get out of my comfort zone.

Of checking in along the way and asking myself how is this feeling right now?

If it feels hard, bring it on.

If it feels draining it means there’s a better way of doing it.  I simply have to start thinking out of the box and do it differently with the expectation to succeed but the willingness to fail.

If it feels on fire, GIVE ME MORE MORE MORE!

I’m not done.

I’m not feeling like OMG I need a holiday.

Every day is filled with passioned activity that lights me up.

In other words Darling, I don’t need a break from my life!

Yes there’s days where it all comes crashing down and I just want to say fuck it all.

When a particular challenge seems insurmountable and I’m bruised and exhausted from the climb.

When I’ve been inside too much doing what I think has to be done.

Ticking the boxes.

Yes, I still tick my boxes.

I have no shame in giving myself permission to throw a tantrum.

To get it out of my system.

To rant and rave at the Universe and anyone who is unfortunate enough to be walking in the vicinity.

It’s part of the deliciousness of being human.

The ability to lose your shit.

And when I say fuck it all I walk away and go do something completely out of my routine.  Out of my schedule.  Out of my norm.

I go ride my bike regardless of what the time is.

I go sweat the gym.

I go eat an ice-cream.

I go sit outside and have a glass of wine.

I remember it’s just a journey.

And I’ve made the choice that I want to be present in my life and get to the end of each year feeling even more alive than the year before.

That I want to grow old and have wonderful stories to share with anyone who wants to listen.

So every day I consciously choose how I experience my life.

The very first prompt on my daily planning sheet is “Today I choose to feel…”

Today I chose fun.

I had an incredible bike ride through grass so long and wet that I had water dripping of my helmet.

Fun!

I coached a badass woman who is changing the system.

Fun!

I’m sitting in the sun, barefoot and smiling, writing this piece for you with music pumping in my ears and the dogs running around like wild rabbits.

Fun!

It’s available to you too!

But you first have to disconnect from the drama.

You have to stop believing the bullshit you’re being fed of what will make you good.

If you’re not feeling on fire, if you’re not excited, thrilled, happy, feeling free, feeling inspired, feeling creative, then something is wrong!

Stop thinking that just because everyone around you is complaining about the same stuff that it’s normal.

It’s not normal!

You were born to thrive!

You were born to be happy!

That’s your default setting.

Everything else is just a signal that there’s a misalignment.

I invite you to throw your hands up in the air and just say ‘Fuck It!”

I invite you to book a day sick leave (even if you’re the boss) and play hookey and remember what fun feels like!

Here’s a clue for you – YOU’LL BE RADIATING!

Smiling from ear to ear.

Laughter will be bubbling up from inside of you.

Your body will be breaking into spontaneous movement.

You might even, heaven forbid, howl!

This is the energy from which you want to set your goals.  From which you want to take action.

You say you don’t have time?

Well do you have time to be dead?

Because if you’re on that godforsaken hamster wheel that’s exactly what you’re doing Sweetie.

You’re zombified.

Death is coming soon enough.

Do you choose to thrive until then?

With love eternal,

Anel

PS:  Boundless energy, grit, passion comes from clarity.

It comes from setting the goals that are in alignment with your purpose, your joy, your values, your thrive.

It comes from taking the time to understand the emotions that you’re secretly craving which you believe will come from achieving those goals and then stepping into them right now!

Because you’re the boss.

It’s about training your mind to stop fighting you with the drama, with the continuous degradation which we so often hear from our ego by identifying the belief systems that will empower you to greater levels of achievement.

This is the purpose of Ignite sessions.

90 minutes of deep dive, clarity, passion, bullshit elimination to get your ass in gear for iconic living.

Because that’s where you are born to play.

But only if you’re done with seeking sympathy and Molly coddling.  I don’t hold hands and I don’t play the violin.

I see your magnificence and I don’t settle for anything less.

Let’s play.

 

 

 

 

It’s time for the lies to stop.


It’s time we start talking about the lies.

This is something that I’ve become sensitive to lately.

Listening to what people are saying and not saying to each other.

Politely.

PC.

“How are you doing?”

“Fine”

“How was your day?”

“Good and yours?”

All such a waste of time and complete bullshit.

Conversations as devoid of sustenance as instant food is empty of nourishment.

I remembered a time when I was young, constantly berated for speaking my truth.

Told that I simply couldn’t say that!

That I had to be more proper.

That I should stop asking inappropriate questions.

That we never tell others what’s really going on at home.

As if a child deserves to bear the shame of adults screwing up their lives.

In other words, I was taught to lie.

I’m a smart cookie and it didn’t take me long to realise that life is nothing more than a game.

You can be the player or you can get played.

So I started telling people what they wanted to hear, manipulating them to get the desired outcome without them ever getting clued in.

It was the easier thing to do.

It was way easier than standing up for myself.

You know what I’m talking about.

We all do it.

Well, we do anyway.

We figure out that the little people will always hear what they want to hear and all they want is for society to blow smoke up their bums so they can feel good about themselves.

So that’s what we do.

We play them like puppets on a string.

The problem with this is that there comes a point where the lies flow so easily off our tongues that we start lying to ourselves.

We get tired of dimming our shine, of downgrading our expectations of others, so we tell ourselves we’re okay with settling.

We’re okay with waiting for others.

We’re happy with just enough.

That’s when the shit hits the fan!

Because you were born an achiever my friend and settling is poison to you.  At some stage your soul will stop tolerating the lies and if you’re not ready to rise, she will rain chaos down on your life that rips your world apart!

She will bring forth all that you’ve hidden in the shadows.

She will bring to the surface all you’ve desperately suppressed in an attempt to play on the baby field.

She will empty out your bank accounts until there’s nothing left.

She will make your bullshit relationships pure burning hell.

She will take away all your possessions, your health, your will to live.

And you will fall onto your knees Darling.

You will find yourself on the cold tiles, your body torn by your sobs.

Breathless.

You will have to choose.

You can continue the lie of existence understanding that this time around you will have consciousness and the pain will crush your spirit!

Or

You can choose to stop the lies, stop swallowing your desires, stop tolerating mediocrity, stop waiting for everyone to catch up.

You can choose to get off your fucking ass and to set your course.

You can choose to courageously face all the naysayers and start taking action.

You can choose to leave behind all that has kept you in bondage and instead stand on your own two feet, independent, shaking with adrenaline, indestructible.

The beast unleashed!

This is the time when you start speaking your truth, embracing your destiny, knowing that you’re not here to keep the pond smooth, but to cause the ripples that will bring change with the force of a tsunami.

That within every person you meet there is an almighty soul that can endure whatever life throws at them, if given the opportunity to make that powerful choice.

And it’s always their choice.

We are not responsible for the decisions made by others.

We are not responsible for the actions of others, but we are responsible for the impact we allow them to have on us.

It’s that simple.

When you get up off that floor and you unfurl your warrior self, you leave behind those who choose to embrace the mantle of victimhood.

And you rise!

I’ve been on the floor.

I’ve lain there feeling tears and snot drip into my gaping mouth, my eyes staring unblinking into nothingness.  Praying for release.  Praying for darkness.  Praying for death.

You don’t have to hit rock bottom.

Enough people have gone there before you.

You hear our stories everywhere.

Why do we share it?

Not because we enjoy revisiting those moments in life we’ve been taught is our greatest shame.

Fuck shame – it has no place in the life of a warrior.

We share it because we know the pain that the real achievers are going through in a world that has made average a badge of honour.

We know your pain and we are reaching out to you saying that you can choose to rise from where you are!

Right here.

Right now.

Today.

Don’t wait for disaster to strike.

Don’t wait for the cancer diagnoses.

Don’t wait for bankruptcy.

Don’t wait for the abuse to become unbearable.

Rise from here.

Make the decision that as from right now you are no longer available for anything but pure excellence.

That your desires are magnificent and worthy.

That you are powerful beyond measure and that you CAN do whatever the hell you set your mind to.

That you will make the impact you came here to do, no matter what.

But you have to make the choice.

You have to stop swallowing the bullshit they’re feeding you so that you can remember what hungry feels like.

And when you are starving, you will stop at nothing.

Death is inevitable.

Thriving is a choice.

Make the fucking choice.

With love eternal,

Anel

PS:  Now is the time of year when average people are winding down.  They are giving up on the goals they set in January thinking there’s no way in hell they can still make it.

But not you.

You know that now is your time to get real.

Now is your time when you are prepared to take a look at all that’s truly transpired this year.

To get the learning.

To become stronger.

To set your next level goals armed with your tenacity, your values, your desire, your truth.

And to take the actions that will make your dreams come true.

If you’re ready to receive next level support in your goal setting, then book your Ignite session today.

90 minutes of passion, clarity and focus.

 

What are you waiting for now?

Every now and again a song gets released that has people sit up and take notice of their lives.

An artist that combines the beauty of words with the power of sound to stir up a heightened level of emotion in a time when majority of people are doing everything they can to numb out that which they don’t want to feel.

Regret.

Shame.

Guilt.

Existence.

One such song was released in 2014 – ‘What are you waiting?’ for by Nickelback.

“Are you waiting on a lightening strike?
Are you waiting for the perfect night?
Are you waiting till the time is right?
What are you waiting for?
Don’t you wanna learn to deal with fear?
Don’t you wanna take the wheel and steer?
Don’t you wait another minute here!
What are you waiting for?”

I sat in wonder at how many people were raising their hands and exclaiming that they’re done waiting.

That hell yes they’re ready to face their greatest fears.

That yes they are taking control of their lives, turning it around, taking it next level.

2014 was going to be the year that everything was going to change for them.

And then what did they do?

The same shit they’ve done up to that point.

They set New Years resolutions.

They printed a free program off the internet and joined the gym.

They went to the pharmacy and bought the starter pack – fat burners, appetite suppressants, protein shake.

They smoked the last cigarette and threw away the lighters.

They decided that they were going to start paying off their debt.

They were going to work harder to be noticed and tell their boss that this year they want a raise.

Maybe they even quite their jobs and decided that they’re finally going to start their dream company and become the entrepreneur they were born to be.

They joined another group program.

Nickelback was the petrol needed to light their fire!

But do you know what happens when you throw fuel on fire Darling?

There is this big poof of smoke and flames which burns ferociously.

For a few minutes.

Then, if you didn’t take the time to build the pyre properly, and if you don’t continue to feed the flames, it burns out in record time.

This is exactly what happened to all those people

In fact, if you take their lives today and you put it next to 2014, there’s little to zero difference.

I’m not writing this to be a bitch.

I’m not writing this to criticise.

I’m writing this piece because I have so much love for humanity in me and it breaks my fucking heart to see how many people truly want to wake up, truly desire to turn their lives around, to stop existing, but they have no idea how to do it.  They do the best with what they have from where they’re at, but that’s simply not enough to make lasting change.

So I’m going to break it down for you today.

And if you’re truly serious about drawing that line in the sand and turn it around, you will not only follow these steps, but you will invest in yourself and work with a coach to ensure you stay on track.

  1.  Start where you’re at!  You have to get real with yourself.  You have to stop bullshitting yourself that things aren’t so bad.  If you’re not lit up by your life it’s a fucking catastrophe.  You want to have a look at what’s truly happening in your livelihood, in your abundance (money), in your health, in your relationships, in your appearance.  Stop saying you don’t look too bad for your age – you’re either hot AF or you’re out of shape.  You’re either lit up by the conversations or you’re bored.  You’re either financially free or you’re enslaved by bills.
  2. Figure out what’s truly important to you!  Your values.  Your true values.  For various reasons – one being that you want to set the goals that are in alignment with your values.  Not doing so will result in self-sabotage along the way.  Your ego driven goals will never be more powerful than your soulful values.  Secondly, when you’re secure in your values you won’t give a shit about the criticism of others who have different values from you.  You stop living your life by the rules of others, you stay in your own business, and you do what has you sleeping like a baby at night and jumping in joy during the day.
  3. Set your goals!  Proper goals.  SMART goals. Specific.  Measurable.  Attainable.  Relevant.  Timed.  If they don’t meet these criteria they’re not goals.  They’re dreams.  Like Puff The Magic Dragon.  What is your resistance to setting SMART goals? Is it too much commitment for you?  Have you historically not achieved them and so you’ve lost faith in yourself?  Do you really want to continue creating your life based on the past or are you ready to look forward?
  4. Get an Indestructible Mind-set!
    1. Drive – this comes back to purpose.  What drives you?  What makes your goal an absolute non-negotiable for you?  Honestly, if your goals don’t bring radical change to you and your life then you’re just wasting your time.  You’re just splashing around in the baby pool.  Jump into the deep side and fucking fight for your life!  Because you are.  When will you understand that not thriving is death?
    2. Dedication – I’m talking obsession Darling!  I’m talking eating, sleeping, talking your goals until average people simply cannot stand to be in your company any more.  I’m talking that you dedicate your life to doing whatever the hell it takes to achieve your goals.  You bring the best support team on board.  You cancel Netflix and you study at night.  You let go of the vampires, the leeches, the bullshit and you are 100% focussed.
    3. Discipline – no magnificent goal is ever achieved without discipline.  Making the routines non-negotiable.  Showing up for yourself and your dream every single day regardless of the weather, of your bank balance, of what everyone around you is saying.  It’s about going to bed at the right time so you can get up at 5 am feeling completely rested.  It’s about cleaning out the food cupboard so that you’re not tempted because you simply don’t want to waste your precious willpower.  It’s about just showing up and doing the work.  Every day.  EVERY FUCKING DAY.
    4. Determination – grit Baby.   Stop bitching and moaning about all the challenges.  Challenges are your best friend.  They show you how much you want it.  They thin out the playing field.  They give you the opportunity to dig deeper and get creative and do things that you’ve never thought of doing before.  But as long as you complain like a two year old who wants his lolly you’re not making the most of the journey.  How much do you want it?  How hungry are you?  Because if you’re not, you will give up.  Thank you for sitting down again so that the true achievers can get even further ahead.
  5. Take action, take stock, adjust, take more action.  Every day you look at your goals and you ask yourself the following questions:
    1. Which actions have I taken so far that got excellent results?  How can I do more of that?  How can I do it even better?
    2. Which actions have I taken so far that got jack?  Why didn’t they get results?  How can I do them differently?  What else can I do?

That’s it.

You take action until you achieve your goal.

Never stopping before then.

NEVER.

It’s time for you to start fighting for your life Darling.  It’s time you start fighting for you dreams.  It’s time you stop waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect person, the perfect illusion.

Create what you desire.

You’re THAT powerful.

For death truly is inevitable.

Thriving is a choice.

With love,

Anel

PS:  It’s been my experience that most people fail in achieving their goals because they don’t take the time to build the pyre properly.  They think that they can simply take ten minutes in a moment of inspired passion fuelled by a song and write out their next goals and this time around it will be different.

But I know you’re not that person.  I know that you’re ready to do it better.  I know that you’re ready to do the foundational work which is required for epic achievement.

For the remainder of 2017 I’m offering Ignite sessions.  90 minutes of total clarity and rock-solid goals which will set you on track for success.

You will receive an orientation document which has you connect with your values and your desires.  We take off the rose-colored glasses and get you into your reality.  And then we set the SMART goals for your future self.

This is a stand-alone service which I’m offering for those who are ready to invest in their dreams and if you feel I’m the coach to get you to the finish line, I will offset Ignite on your coaching package.

 

 

 

So you say that this time around things will be different – again…

Cycles are not easily broken.

Probably because breaking a cycle takes huge ganoonies.

It takes an honest and real look in the mirror.

It takes you leaving your ego behind because you’ve finally hit the point of enough and no more and this time around you mean it.

No more victim.

No more excuses.

Pure determination.

The moment the ego steps aside and the soul is given free reign, magic happens.

This is when the person is willing to take a clear look at their patterns.

The thoughts that was running in their heads like a broken record and instead of listening to the stories as absolute truth, they hear the drama, the victim mentality, the bullshit.

They’re able to take on an air of curiosity and seek the crafty ways in which they’ve sabotaged themselves.

Don’t fool yourself – we all self-sabotage.

I want you to start realising just how powerful you are in your creations and then maybe you’ll agree with me on the self-sabotage topic.

I’ve come to understand that thrive is our natural state.

That we live in a universe of pure abundance.

That our bodies are wired to be healthy.

Which means that everything in our lives that are contradictory to that, is our pure willpower that makes it so.

Think of it as an ocean of joy that’s flowing towards you.

AN OCEAN.

And you’re somehow holding your hands out in front of you stopping the flow.

OF AN OCEAN!

Can you even picture in your mind how immensely powerful that is?

Can you even imagine how much strength and energy it’s taking for you to do this?

Is it any wonder then that people who choose to live in struggle are so fucking tired all the time????

I think not.

Because it’s not their natural state!

So there’s the very first clue for you – are you tired all the time?

Exhausted even though you’re not running a marathon, even though you’re not up at 5 am every day doing your mindset work, even though you’re not financially free?

Tired is not your natural state.

There’s something out of sync.

Are you eating shit?

Are you not moving your body?  Not training?  Not firing up those muscles?

Are you not stimulating your mind with things that excite you?

Are you not having conversations with fascinating people who leave you feeling on fire over coffee?

Are you not making passionate love to a human that turns you on with a pure whisper in your ear?

Are you not doing the work that you love doing in a way that fills you with pride and a sense of badassery?

Are you not connecting with your higher self and leaving the details to the Big U of how your dream life unfolds?

All of this matters by the way.

But let’s say that historically you haven’t had the best of luck and you’ve screwed up a few times – OMG you’re human after all.

Once again you’re finding yourself in the spot where you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired.

You shake your fists at the heaven and you scream and shout.  You let it all out.  You crumble to the floor, sobbing, exhausted, begging for the struggle to end.

Finally you open your tear-swollen eyes and you make a promise to yourself that things are going to be different.

That you will never again be broke and broken.

That you will no longer be lonely and miserable.

I want you to ask yourself why.

Why will it be different this time around?

Why will you have a different outcome in a year from now?

And get real here Sweetheart.

Take a pen and paper and write down everything that you’ll be doing differently from now on.

You have to identify your thoughts – you have to release the Bull Shit and replace them with Belief Systems that will serve you.

You have to identify your habitual actions – you have to stop doing the things that feel comfortable, that you know how to do with your eyes closed, and you have to start learning new ways of doing.

You have to identify your toxic relationships – the ones that you know consumes your thoughts day in and day out, sapping your energy and you have to either rephrase them or end them.

You have to identify your routine – the ‘same shit different day’ approach is clearly not working for you so spice it up.  Do it differently.  Do new things.

And here’s the crunch –

Once you’ve written it all down, YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO DO THE NEW.

That is the only time when things will really be different from now on.

As long as you cling to the story that you just need a break, that you just need to pay off this debt, that you just need a new job, that you just need a new love, nothing will change.

Because YOU’re not changing.

You still believe that the recipe for change is lying outside of you.

That is sooooo disempowering.

That is such nonsense.

This is the perfect time of the year to take stock of your year thus far.

Take out those goals you wrote down on the 1st of January (gag – I can hardly believe you’re still doing it the way that the average people do it with new year’s resolutions but whatever, it’s a start).

Have you achieved them and more importantly, how have you grown in the process of achieving them?  If you’ve achieved your goals but you’re still the same person you set pathetic, safe, small goals.

And if you haven’t achieved them, why not?  What have you not learned to do yet?  Who have you not become yet?  How have you not done it differently this year?

Get brutally honest with yourself.

Don’t try and protect your fragile personality.

Cry if you have to.

Mourn the fact that you’ve pissed another year of your life away with no real change.

Then let that go, draw a real line in the sand and let me know what’s going to change.

Why is this next year going to be different?

What are you going to be doing differently?

Get accountable and hit me a mail – anel@anelbester.com

No more screwing around.

Death is coming.

You can choose to thrive until then.

Love eternal,

Anel

PS:  Are you ready to prove to yourself that yes, this time things really WILL be different??

Are you ready to be taken so far out of your comfort zone that you can’t even see the horizon?

To be held to a level of accountability that simply doesn’t tolerate excuses?

Are you ready for change?

Coaching with me is not for those who desire average results.  It’s not for those who only want to focus on one thing at a time.  It’s definitely not for those who want to nibble at anything.

Coaching with me is for the high achiever who desires to have it all – impact, satisfaction, stimulation, success, wealth, health, passion, connection, shit tons of energy – and they’re prepared to do whatever it takes to get it.

No more excuses.

If you’re ready for THIS level of thrive, then book your consult today.

Hesitation leads to devastation and quite frankly is exactly where you’ve always been.

You can feel like a victim or you can rise like a victor.

I was going to write about something else today.

I thought maybe it’s that time of the year when people just needed to lick their wounds a bit.  Lie down for a little while.

Maybe it’s time for some warm and fuzzy.

A little end of year cheer.

But then a client reached out and let me know that she has demolished her obstacle and received all she’s asked for.

Truth is that she didn’t get to this point because I Molly-coddled her.

She didn’t break through because I let her lie down for a while.

She didn’t win because I held her softly while she was feeling sorry for herself.

She won because I NEVER treated her as anything but that which she truly is – a fucking relentless warrior here to bring change, here to empower others, here to thrive.

What did our relationship look like?

A lot of HTFU’s

A lot of “Fuck you Anel”‘s

A lot of her telling me her perceived struggles and me showing her just how resourceful she can be when she gets over her motherfucking ego and do whatever the hell it takes.

BOOM.

It’s that plain and simple.

Okay so 2017 has been another challenging year.

I hear you.

But you know what Darling, you can sit there on your unfit ass and bitch and moan about money and bosses and clients and the economy and the politics and nothing will change.

You think it will.

You keep telling me that once you get your big break, you’ll be happy.

You tell me that once you make more money, you’ll be happy.

You tell me that once your husband appreciates you and cherishes you, you’ll be happy.

Sorry to burst your bubble but if you’re a miserable fucker nothing will make you happy.

You keep telling everyone how tough it is.

That nobody understands you.

Nobody understands your challenges.

Nobody cares.

Well, no they don’t.

That’s because every single person alive has their own challenges to deal with.

Regardless of how successful they are.

Especially the successful ones.

For achievers thrive on challenge.  Without the challenge they get bored, fat and lazy.

So even when things are all smooth sailing, they will go out, take another risk, create another challenge, so they can pull themselves together and thrive.

I went out riding with my son last night.

It wasn’t planned.

I had done my cardio in the morning and was planning on a nice relaxing yoga session.

The wind was pumping.

He asked for support in completing five laps around the lake.

So I took out Artemis and off we went.

There might not be any hills but that doesn’t mean the Universe let me down for getting stronger.

The wind was a biiiiiitch.

Round number one he sat behind me.

Moaning like an old woman with a wet nappy.

The wind was too hard.

He wasn’t on the right bike.

It was too late in the day.

His knees were hurting.

Blah blah blah.

As we recovered with the tailwind I pulled up next to him and laid down the law.

When you ride with me you don’t bitch.

We recover with the tail wind and you use this time to vent and moan and get all your frustration out of your system.

When we turn at the corner into the wind you put your fucking game face on!

You contract your abs to activate you core strength.

You hunch over.

You shut up and you keep peddling.  Talking is a waste of your energy and power.

The only thought in your head is “KEEP GOING!”

You don’t call out to me.

You don’t ask me to sit up and wait for you.

I’ll wait for you when I recover with the tailwind.

Done!

Now let me just say that if a 15 year old boy can pull finger and perform under challenging circumstances, so can you.

It’s the same in business.

You can sit and waste your precious energy, your will power, your creative thinking, with your continuous moaning about everything that is stacked against you.

Understand that your willpower is a limited source of energy.

Understand that what you talk about you continue to create.

Which means the more you talk about your bullshit the more of it you create.

When will the ground be fertile enough for you?

When will you decide to start stepping on the crap that’s all around you and move into a different direction?

The direction where you actually desire to be?

The success you keep telling me you want before launching into your sorry-ass ballad of all that you’ve lost?

Look me in the eye right now and tell me:

Do you want to be a victim or do you want to be a victor?

And think about this before you answer.  I’m so over people and their white-washed delusions.

If you’re serious about wanting to be a victor then stop whining.

Stop hanging out with losers.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

EVERYTHING THAT YOU SEE AROUND YOU YOU’VE CREATED.

EVERYTHING THAT YOU’RE BITCHING ABOUT HAS COME ABOUT FROM YOUR CHOICES.

OWN IT!

For it is in the owning of our results that we can finally start seeing our conscious and unconscious choices and beliefs that impact our behaviour.

Understanding that our actions always lead to our results.

Sadly most people find debilitating labels easier to live with these days.

Depression.

Blocked.

Karma.

Broke.

Infidelity.

Addicted.

ADHD.

You’re none of this.

You’re so fucking powerful my friend but until you’re prepared to leave behind the labels that a mediocre society has pinned on you and own your shit, you’ll never live it.

This is what a victor is about.

It’s about getting real with yourself.

It’s about getting real with others.

It’s about working with a coach that doesn’t kiss your ass.

It’s about being with a friend who tells you to get over yourself.

Be a fucking victor.

The end.

With love eternal,

Anel

PS:  Ready for more?

Ready to break through your perceived obstacles, get over your self-limiting beliefs, stop your self-sabotaging behaviour and thrive?

Ignite is a 90 minute session of you and me getting real and getting super clear on your true desires.  Your next level desires.  It’s about setting the goals that has you laser focussed and taking the actions that not only has you gaining momentum, but has you running when others are still thinking of standing up.

Dorte Loken took the plunge and this is what she said afterwards:  “My work session with Anel was the eye opener I needed to help me see where I need to build in order to push to the next level. The clear no-nonsense talk was and is exactly what I need to see myself more clearly and to break out of those of my patterns that are holding me back. I left the session with more clarity, clear goals, increased confidence and some tangible action points. Anel’s approach is honest, clear and to the point. I loved the naked truths and the bold look at even sensitive situations making these very tangible and highly actionable.”

Book your Ignite session and let’s get your thrive on.

How you receive feedback says more about you than the feedback.

I have a confession to make.

I love watching talent shows.

“So you think you can dance” will always be my favourite.  This probably has something to do with my dream to become a professional dancer.

A dream crushed by a knee injury at the age of eighteen.

But once a dancer, always a dancer.  Now I simply dance on my bike, or out on a run, or even doing yoga.

Currently I’m watching “The X Factor” and I’m fascinated as contestants shows their bright side in the ‘before’ interviews, and reveal their true colours during the auditions.

Let’s just start off by stating that we’re all human!

Negative feedback is NEVER pleasant to receive.

EVER.

When you’ve had the courage to face down your fears and leave yourself exposed, to be judged, it stings like a mother when the answer is NO.

Yet true achievers take it in.

They absorb.

They put it to one side and remain professional all the way out the door, waiting for the right time to process.  To dissect. To go inside and ask themselves “Does this feel true to me?”

True achievers understand that sometimes criticism is based on the bias of the judge and has nothing to do with them.

True achievers understand that sometimes they simply trigger others and receive inaccurate feedback or criticism which doesn’t belong to them.

They take the time to evaluate where the feedback is coming from.  If from a source they respect, they will adjust their actions, taking on board all they can to improve their performance.

If however the feedback is from a spectator, one who doesn’t even have the balls to be in the game, they’ll simply smile and nod and disregard.

Wannabes on the other hand has a completely different reaction to criticism.

They explode!

They defend themselves.

They beg!

“Please Simon, just give me another chance.  I know I can do better.  Pleeeeeeease!”

But life is not a fucking dress rehearsal Darling.

When you’re on stage you have to give it your all!  You can’t afford to hold back?  For what?

Let’s take it back to your bike, my favourite place.

You’re out training.  It’s intervals.  Fuuuuuuck – I adore hating intervals.

Amateurs look at the program and think to themselves:  “I have five intervals to do.  So I have to pace myself in the first three, give it a little more by number four and then hammer number five.”

Hell no!

You leave it all out on every single one of those.

From the very first.

When the program says MAX effort you blow your legs EVERY FUCKING INTERVAL!

And if you puke by number three, good.

If max effort by number five is a pathetic attempt that has a granny pass you, BRILLIANT!

That’s how real achievers train.

That’s how real achievers become strong.

That’s how real achievers audition.

That’s how real achievers perform.

Real achievers don’t beg.

They take the punch, they go do more work, become better, stronger, and they come back to prove they’ve got what it takes.

Wannabes throw diva-like tantrums.  They blame the judges.  They blame the stress.  They blame the fact that their dog ate the musical sheets this morning.

They burn their bridges and not in a good way.

Because even if they come back the next year they’ve left a bad taste in the mouths of the judges.

They’ve given themselves a huge disadvantages from which to recover.

True performers look into the future.

They walk off that stage with the foresight that their current exit will set the stage for their next entrance.

They don’t blame anyone or anything for a bad performance.  They know that ultimately they are the creators of their success.  They also understand that shit happens.  That not all days are created equal.  That the one thing they are in charge of is themselves – their thoughts, their emotions, their actions.

They take it all on themselves.

All of it.

Total responsibility.

Total accountability.

Total power Baby.

You’re probably wondering what all of this has to do with you?

Well Darling – I want you to sit down today and evaluate your past response to criticism.

I want you to take a compassionate look with the intention of growth.

Have you historically blown up when others gave you negative feedback?  Have you thrown your arms in the air and immediately deflected everything back to them?  Have you gone home and told all your friends that this idiot has no idea what they’re talking about.  That your boss is a dick.  That the company was being inconsiderate and their expectations were ludicrous.  Because it wasn’t your fault.

Have you been, dare I say it? showing up as a wannabe?

Or have you taken the good and the bad feedback on board.  Walked away and sat down asking yourself if you respect the source it came from?  Asked yourself if it is true for you?  Asked yourself which blindspots this feedback has illuminated for you?  Taken the feedback to improve your performance?

THAT my friend is the mark of a true achiever.

It’s not easy.

Especially for true achievers.  As we all have the ego-thing going on.

But if your ego is greater than your desire for success, you’re not an achiever.

You’re just one of the sheople.

You only want feedback that makes you feel good.  Feedback that strokes your ego or is delivered in a way that’s all soft and mushy – like a baby eating pureed food.

I just want to say as well, that at any given time, you can change your ways.  You can change your expectations of yourself.  You can take back your power and rise to the true magnificence you are capable of.  You can choose to be a true achiever.

It’s a choice.

There’s no room in heaven where the storks line up and get given a package that says “Achiever destined for success” or “Sheople destined for average at best”.

We’re all created equal.

It’s a choice how we live.

Death is inevitable.

Thriving like a motherfucking achiever, is a choice.

With love eternal,

Anel

PS:  Part of being coachable as a client, is the ability to receive feedback.  It’s about having a hunger for success that has your ego for breakfast.  For you desire greatness.  You desire to achieve.  And you know that you have blindspots.  You know there are areas in your life where you’re just too close to the situation to see what is truly going on.

And you want to see!

You want a new perspective.

New insights.

New ways of doing things so that you can bask in the glory of next level thrive.

I only work with true achievers.  Those who are ready to take full responsibility and accountability for the results in their lives.  The leaders, creatives, entrepreneurs in the world who do the work to live the dream.

For the months of November and December I’m offering Ignite Sessions for those who are ready to create their next level vision.  During our ninety minutes together we’ll  gain clarity on your true desires and set the goals to achieve them.  This is also an excellent opportunity to see if we’re a powerful fit for coaching and should you wish to continue working with me the investment of the Ignite session will be deducted from your six month package.

 

Successful People Know Their Big Why

The training had started.

And it was intense!

I have a series of motivational talks on my iPhone which I play when training sessions become truly challenging.

You know when I’m talking about – those sessions when your legs feel like led and you wonder how the hell you’ll ever finish this run today?

The times when you just want to sit down and cry because you’re so exhausted.  When the pavement looks as comfortable as a queen size bed, down duvet and all.

But sleeping is not an option because sleep is not going to get you to the start line and it sure as hell won’t get you to the finish line.

You can sleep once you’re dead.

One of these talks have a line which states “Successful people know their big why”.

A line etched deep inside my mind.

This is the missing key for so many born achievers who love setting the exquisite goals.  The challenging goals.  The goals that most turn away from in fear saying “I can NEVER do that”.

But you and I never say never.

We set those big scary goals and we immediately start taking massive action.

Sometimes to our detriment.

Sometimes we’re so eager to get started that we neglect the foundation of success which is understanding our big why.

If you’ve historically set those big goals and given up before the finish line I’m willing to bet that this is the missing piece for you too.

You see Darling, if you don’t take the time to go deep into that all important Why, there will come a time when the demands of the journey becomes too much of an ask and you’ll give up.

And it takes some serious soul searching.

 

I’m yet to meet a client who upon first encounter convinced me of their goals.  Who’s passion alone shows me that this is an absolute non-negotiable for them.

Not that it’s not important to them.

All our goals and dreams are important.

But we need to anchor it with more than just desire.  Anchoring which takes time and let’s be honest here, the number one reason why most people don’t live their dreams is because they’ve convinced themselves they don’t have time.

Modern society is all about instant gratification.  We’ve lost the patience to lay a foundation that’s going to withstand the storms, the quakes, the movement of land mass.

If you’re serious about conquering the enemy in the mirror, if you’re serious about embracing obstacles, if you’re serious about sacrificing to achieve, you better be prepared to bore down and find a reason that will outshine any pain that you will endure on your epic journey.

For there will be pain!

You will hear me say this ad nauseum.  Because it’s true.

If you want to be the epic achiever you were born to be, you need to put a t-spoon of cement in your morning coffee and Harden The Fuck Up (HTFU for future reference).

This is where you run where few dare tread, because they feel that if they can’t find a big enough why they will have to admit the fact that they’re just fucking around, keeping busy, setting ego based goals to get a noddy badge from others.

And so they should.

And so should you!

If you can’t find a big enough why to get you through whatever life will throw at you, if you’re not prepared to die for your goal, then don’t set it.

Find the real goal instead.

Dig deeper.

Go bigger.

More YOU.

Ultimately you want to set the goals that will change you at your core.  The goals that will have you grow mentally, physically, spiritually.  The goals that will shift your ass into your next level self where you operate on a different level than you are today.

You want to set the goals where you have to learn new skills, new knowledge, new sides to yourself that you didn’t even know existed.

You want to set the goals that will make your life better in some way or another.

Go back to your definition of success and ask yourself if this goal reflects your next level success?

You want to connect your goal to the improvement of life for others.  If you’re in my tribe then you and I both know that you were born to lead, to inspire, to change, to motivate, to empower others through your life.

Let me tell you that there were times when I was in so much pain running that tears were streaming down my face and I was vomiting on the pavement.  But I refused to stop.  I WOULD NOT GIVE UP BECAUSE EVERY STEP I TOOK WAS ENERGETICALLY INSPIRING A STRANGER.

I will die for those who are not thriving.

I will die for those who are comatised by average existence.

And if I will die for them I sure as hell will run for them.

If it wasn’t for them, I would have stopped.  I would have listened to the medical professionals and never even attempted to run.

I chose instead to connect with my purpose.  Connect with those I’m here to serve.

Death before DNS (did not serve).

You need to figure out who else you are impacting through your achievement.  And here’s a little heads up for you, it’s normally the quiet ones.  The ones who never applaud publicly.  They are the ones who feel a gentle flame ignite within whenever they see you.

YOU are changing their lives forever.

You also want to figure out the pain of failure.  And here you want to be ruthless.  You want to make the pain hurt like a motherfucker so that no matter how much the journey hurts, every time you look at THIS pain, you push on!

You take another step.

You take another action.

You take another breath.

Because just facing the possible pain of failure has you twisted up in foetal position rocking back and forth.

I also want to say to you today, with the big goals, the epic goals, the non-negotiable goals, it’s NEVER finished until it is finished.

The first time I attempted the Midmar Mile they pulled my ass out halfway.  I didn’t make the cut-off time.

I didn’t climb off that boat saying “Oh dear, I failed”.  Not a chance.

I climbed off and said “another 365 days bitches.  I’ll be back”.

I was.

I finished.

I got my little medal.

It’s never ever over until you win.

Ever.

But for you to swallow your pride and be prepared to go back time and again taking the learning along the way, your big why better be rock solid.

Is it Darling?

Have a look at the goals you’ve set so far.

Can you find more than ten reasons why you will die for this?

Can you write down more than ten reasons how this will change you, better your life, be in alignment with your purpose, have a positive impact on others?

Is the pain of not achieving your goal greater than any pain you will encounter on the journey?

If it’s not, throw that goal in the bin and dig deeper.  Get more inspired.

You’re way too epic to screw around with mediocre goals.

Your soul already knows this.

She is waiting for you to get to the juicy ones.

She’s waiting for you to wake the fuck up and thrive.

Successful people know their big why.

 

PS:  This is Chapter Three in my book Life In The Thrive Lane, if you’d love to read the rest simply go here for the audio version or here for Amazon Kindle.

Apology-syndrome

 

I was recently privy to a guided meditation around the impact of continuously saying “sorry”.

I have to confess, when I first sat down I pulled my nose up smugly.

After all, everyone knows I don’t apologise.

I live a life of conscious choice.

I live a life aligned with my personal values – conformity be damned.

Yet as I sat with my eyes closed, shutting out the world, shutting out my ego, listening to the guidance taking me on a journey of awareness, tears slowly slipped down my cheeks.

For the first time I came to see just how deeply ingrained the apology reflex is from an early age.

It’s become the norm to the point that most of us aren’t even aware of how often we say “sorry”.

We are conditioned to apologise for everything.

How we ‘make’ others feel.

Speaking our truth.

Taking up space.

Our very existence.

And once I started awakening to this, I was completely horrified as I noticed how often I utter the despicable word myself.

Out walking my dogs and apologising to strangers because my girls bark.

Out riding my bike and apologising to others who stand to the side to give me space to pass.

In the shops as I get to the front of the line first.

All the time!

It’s ridiculous.

What’s even worse was how often other people were apologising to me!

I kept thinking ‘What are you apologising for?  You haven’t done anything wrong!’

It comes down to the fact that apologising has simply become a reflex.

And in many ways it keeps us shrinking.  Keeps us small.

In our place as our parents demanded when we were kids.

Absurd.

You might think this doesn’t really warrant your attention, but I invite you to consider the other side of the coin.

The other impact this is having in our society, in our relationships, in our lives.

I hear people apologising for their behaviour on a consistent basis without any true regret.

They feel that since they’ve apologised they’ve wiped the slate clean and now they can just carry on.  There’s not even a breath of hesitation or consideration.

Majority of the time doing exactly the same shit and apologising ad nauseam .

What the fuck?

Has “sorry” become a “Get out of Jail Free” card?

Do you really think it changes anything?

Do you really feel that as long as you say you’re sorry that others OWE it to you to forgive you?

That it levels the playing field?

That is makes your asinine behaviour okay?

I don’t think so.

I believe it’s time we stop apologising and instead we start focussing on asking for forgiveness.

True forgiveness.

Which means you have to consider the impact of your actions, evaluate if it’s caused harm, have true regret, and then apologise.

Other than that, don’t ask for forgiveness just because you think you will get a noddy badge.

True forgiveness also begs you to take a look at your own pain.

It takes you to look at your behaviour and enquire why you’re abandoning your values?

Why you’re sabotaging happiness?

Here’s my observation:

I see people doing stupid shit, saying sorry, feeling like shit for saying sorry, feeling like a loser, feeling small, miserable as fuck.  From this space they create a belief that they’re worthless, not good enough, flawed.  From this space they take actions which conforms to the picture of a victim to their incompetence, the circumstances which is a direct result of their stupid shit in the first place, thereby creating the next level of stupid shit.

Which they apologise for without thinking.

It’s a downward spiral into a bottomless pit of hell called victimhood.

Fuck sorry.

Stop doing stupid shit.

Start living in a way that fills you with pride.

Live in a way that is in alignment with your core values.

Live in a way that makes you happy!

Live unapologetically!

Does this mean you’ll never again ask for forgiveness?

Hell no!

We’re human.

I believe part of our deal was to come and bump into others, to step on toes, to hit our heads.

I believe part of our life is learning to truly forgive ourselves.

I believe part of our journey is being humble and considerate enough to ask for forgiveness from others for any hurt we’ve caused them.

We always have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes.

Learning being the key here.

If you’re just continuously apologising without learning it means jack shit Darling.

So here are the meditation questions that really turned “sorry” on it’s head for me:

What cultural messages have you internalised regarding the expectation and habit of apologising?

In what ways are you currently diminishing yourself with unnecessary apologies?

What would it feel like to give yourself permission to stop saying “I’m sorry” for things that do not really require an apology?

This blog is simply about creating awareness for more empowered living my friend.

It’s time for us as a species to wake up and to live consciously in all aspects of our lives.

Starting with our language.

Your words are more powerful than you realise.

Choose them wisely.

For death is inevitable.

Thriving is a choice for which you must never apologise.

With love eternal,

Anel

PS:  Are you ready to create a life on your terms which includes happiness, change, abundance and contribution?  A life that fills you with pride?  A life where apology is no longer needed as your actions are aligned with your values?

Not sure where to start?

Then I invite you to connect with me.

Part of my role as your coach is to help you see the bigger picture so that you may take the most impactful course of action.

Ruddy Mukwamu said “Anel made me see the impact my business has on people’s life that I may not even know; planning appropriately and sticking to the plan guarantees results which has an impact in our delivery, which impact our clients satisfactions. When they are happy about our work and delivery, so are their friends and family members.”

Book your free consult and let’s see how I may serve you in living your unapologetic life of thrive.