These days it’s rare for me to wake up out of sorts.
In fact I can’t remember when last I have.
Until this morning that is.
I woke up and something was out of alignment.
There was an unease like when you’re running on the trails and a grain of sand slips into your shoe. It’s not causing pain (yet), but it diverts your focus. Takes you off balance. It just doesn’t feel right.
I took out my journal.
What to do?
Do I just say fuck it and go to yoga this morning and hope it goes away?
Or do I honour myself and take the extra time to figure this shit out?
Figure the shit out.
Thank chocolate mousse I did.
Over the last few weeks I’ve been delving deep into my yoga practice which meant constantly being surrounded by people.
Don’t get me wrong – I love people.
But there’s a reason why I’m a lone wolf.
Most just don’t get it.
They’re pack animals who love being in the vibrations of others all the time.
Different strokes for different folks.
Me, I’m an empath. I energetically connect with people and FEEL them. I feel their unspoken emotions. All their joy, all their love, all their excitement, all their pain, all their anger, all their frustrations, all their resentment.
This is my gift.
This is my life purpose – to see the truth that others at times don’t want to see because it would mean they will have to own their choices and decisions and take full responsibility for their lives.
I’ve been gifted with experiences that provided the opportunities to learn compassion with these feelings without getting stuck in the drama of the feelings. Because if I could survive the shit I have AND choose to thrive, anyone else can survive whatever they are going through.
The downside of this gift is that I have to unconsciously and consciously process this all the time when I’m around people. I have to constantly distinguish between my feelings and their feelings to ensure I don’t get confused of what belongs to me. I have to make sure I’m always cutting chords when I leave the room so that I don’t take their energy home with me. I also have to cut chords as people often hook into me and literally suck my vibrations out of me. Oh this is completely normal – we all do it. Every time you interact with someone a chord is formed.
Out of respect for their personal journey I don’t share my insights unless given permission – this is normally done in the context of coaching. I have learned that there’s a reason why people drug themselves with alcohol, cigarettes, chocolate, sex, entertainment. I’ve learned that unless they’re ready the truth will not set them free but instead make them retreat even further into their soul coffins.
This is probably one of the main reasons why I was born an introvert.
I’m starting to think that most introverts are in fact empaths.
I’ve always FELT people more than I SAW the public image people show. This led to an exquisite childhood where I would constantly be punished for speaking my truth – being called a rebel, a bitch, disrespectful.
Actually it still happens and I completely get it.
People normally don’t like hearing what’s going on inside.
Shit there was a time when I fucking hated what was going on inside of myself.
But I learned to use my pain to turn it around. I learned that my pain brings me messages and it doesn’t have to be excruciating pain! It can just be a grain of sand.
Caught up in all the classes, the studying, the growth I have neglected to cut the chords. I have been around people way too much and have absorbed their feelings as my own. I have not taken care of myself and that’s simply not good enough for me and it’s not good enough for you. You deserve better than my sloppy seconds – you deserve the best version of me.
This morning I took the time to cut the chords. To centre. To bring my focus back into myself. To distinguish between what belongs to me and what to gift back to everyone else.
I love people way too much to carry their shit for them.
Apparently shit really needs to get bad these days for people to be inspired to change.
Crazy ass don’t you think?
I wonder if it’s just because people have forgotten how incredibly fucking good good really feels.
Because if they did surely they would take the time to figure it out.
The messages of pain.
The opportunities to sit down and go inside and ask the questions that really matter.
I want to share with you my top questions and maybe today is that day when you sit down, drop all the egotistical crap which prevents you from being raw, and find your truth. A truth that, when you embrace it, will set you free!
- When I feel completely alive, completely on fire, completely in alignment with my soul, how do I feel?
- If I’m not feeling THAT right now then what is it that I’m truly feeling right now, in this moment? What is the pain, the discomfort, the unease?
- What is this really about? What is the message for me? Where am I not showing up true to myself? Where am I tolerating things that goes against my core beliefs and values? Where am I not speaking my truth? Where am I constantly putting myself in an environment where I have to wear a mask?
- What is the true price that I’m paying by tolerating this pain? What is the long-term impact on my life, my happiness, my purpose?
- What am I prepared to do about it? Now here’s the power of choice – you don’t have to do jack shit if you don’t want to. You can go from being a pawn to the player who makes conscious choices! So then you say out loud “I choose not to do anything about this right now. I choose to live with the pain.” Or maybe you choose to do something really small today which over the long term will change the outcome, such as getting on your bike and going for a very long solo ride or writing an extra hour in your journal or just listening to some soul stirring tunes that turns your vibes around or asking ArchAngel Michael to please cut all energetic chords that don’t belong.
Now I have to warn you, like most of my recommendations this exercise is not for sissies. It takes no small amount of courage to do this and to do it with complete honesty. And if you’re not prepared to be honest with yourself then what’s the point? The only reason why people are not honest with themselves is because it’s easier in this world to be a victim – it’s become the accepted norm.
Here’s what I want to say to you today Darling – stop thinking that you can hide from the pain. Instead I invite you to identify the pain and to move through it so that you can find the growth, the truth, the love, the joy which is waiting for you on the other side. The pain is simply a smoke screen preventing you from looking further.
For if you did and you saw what I see within you, behind all the shit you’re trying to ignore, you would fucking run and crash through it head on!
Because you are phenomenal.
And you are so worth true joy.
Honour yourself. Honour your needs. If you’re an introvert, honour your need for social withdrawal so that you can create your art.
Because ultimately death is inevitable. Thriving is a choice.
With love always
PS: I have reopened spaces for Kick-Start. You and me, 30 days. But only if you’re ready to (wo)man up and get real about your desires, your values, your passion, your power. When you’re ready to bust through the veil and claim your joy, your badassery, your truth. This is not for the faint of heart – but then again I know you’re anything but faint. You are a true warrior. You are here to make an impact. You are here to thrive.