When I first sent Kaylene the message that I’m going back to black, she was less than enthusiastic.
In fact was crystal clear that she thought this was one of my shittiest ideas ever.
But I knew it was time.
The knowing’s been building up inside for a while now.
In my fear I kept pushing it to the side – I’ll get to it next year. I have tons of time. No need to rush.
Just be for now.
OMG I really can bullshit myself with the best of them at times.
So I sat in the chair and watched in excited anticipation as she reluctantly pushed the colour out of an obstinate tube.
Three hours later I looked at my reflection, my heart expanding.
I know you.
I remember you.
You’re my truth.
You’re my perfection.
In a moment of pure connection I fell in love with myself.
Maybe you get this.
Maybe you don’t.
Maybe you think I’m just full of shit.
But when you’ve gone through most of your life abandoning your essence to conform to the expectations of others in a desperate effort to be loved and liked, you start walking with your shoulders hunched slightly, your chin sinks a little lower, your eyes sheltered from yourself – a shell filled with shame and fear and resentment and guilt.
The first time I was introduced to mirror work I thought it was the dumbest shit I’ve ever come across. I stood in front of that mirror for the longest time saying “I love you” with my mouth whilst everything inside of me screamed “YOU FUCKING LYING BITCH!”
I didn’t see anything that was worthy of my love or anyone else’s.
I had lied to myself. I had cheated on myself. I had poisoned myself. I had abused myself. I had locked my truth in a coffin and put away the key.
Who could possibly love THAT?
I had no respect for myself. I was nothing but a traitor – to my boys, to my soul tribe, but most of all to myself.
And let me tell you Darling that there is nothing more excruciating than betrayal of self!
It’s soul suicide which is probably why so many people are walking around – the living dead.
The journey back to love is torturous and scary and so fucking slow that at times you forget that you’re even on the path.
What makes it even harder is the fact that when we make the decision to start healing, our physical reality remains a reflection of our old self choices for quite some time. I’m going to stick my neck out here and say that even though internal change can happen in an instance, the external change can take fucking years to catch up.
Which means that now you have to become twice as strong because you need the tenacity to keep going and form new neural pathways, you have to reprogram your beliefs, you have to up level physically, mentally, emotionally AND on top of that you have to do this in faith even though your external world appears to be in complete contradiction.
It takes grit!
It takes discipline!
It takes dedication!
Which of course are not exactly characteristics which are common place in a society who believes that everything should fall in their laps instantly.
Anything else is just too much effort Daaaaahling.
But you’re fucking worth the effort!
You’re worth doing the work day in and day out and waking up one day and exclaiming “IT’S TIME!”
You’re worth looking in the mirror and falling in love with the soul reflected in your eyes.
You’re worth filling your lungs with sweet life oxygen and translating that into sound as your words of truth are spoken out loud.
You’re worth feeling love as you wrap your arms around yourself and radiate from within.
You’re fucking worth it!
And let me tell you Darling that it’s never about learning anything new! It’s not about changing. It’s not about faking you.
It’s the other way around.
It’s about going within and listening to the wisdom of all time that resides in your heart. It’s about peeling back the layers of protection you’ve added over the years in response to the hurt and revealing the real you – the glorious you. It’s about becoming MORE of your authentic self.
Ultimately it’s about trusting yourself again.
The way you did when you started crawling.
The way you did when you took your first wobbly step.
The way you did when you danced like a monkey with your chubby arms flailing about and feeling like a goddamn princess.
Don’t you miss that?
Don’t you crave that?
Don’t you just want to look in the mirror again and feel soooooo immensely fucking proud of yourself that you can’t stop yourself from unleashing healing onto the world?
Don’t you want to speak your truth regardless of the naysayers?
Don’t you want to get out of that fucking coffin that’s been suffocating you with the stench of decay?
Then RISE Darling RISE!
It starts with a declaration to yourself, to the Universe, to all who are in hearing distance that you will NEVER again tolerate patience in the return to loving yourself. You will NEVER again dim your bright for the dark. You will NEVER again listen to the lies of others when you know the truth within yourself.
The truth that you matter.
The truth that you’re enough.
The truth that you’re magnificence in human form here to make a powerful impact.
Make no mistake, the declaration takes a shit ton of courage. In fact I bet only 1% of people who are reading this will take this first step.
Are you that 1%?
Will you do it?
Ultimately it’s your choice.
Everything is your choice.
And if you choose to remain the same even if you don’t love the same because that’s enough for you, then I completely respect that.
But if you choose to remain the same because you’re too fucking scared to change then I want to rage in your heart and say to you today grow a pair! A gigantic pair!
For ultimately death is inevitable. But thriving is a choice that YOUR soul clients need you to make today.
With love always,
PS: If you feel the stirring in your heart to rise up, to connect with your purpose, to wake up with enthusiasm and do your work in this world with the magical power that flows in your veins then you want to get into Courage, Clarity and Confidence. A six week adventure where you take that gorgeous finger of yours, draw a line in the sand, and step the fuck over! Together we’ll do the work, the real work, the soul work. From connecting to your purpose, to letting go of the albatross dragging you down, to lighting the spark of magic in your heart. Because you matter Darling. The work that you’re here to do matters. And this is the time to start doing it. We start Monday the 14th of August (New Zealand Time). Get all the details here. Let’s dance.