As I sit facing the rising sun, my legs curled under me for support and connection to Gaia, I open myself up for a deeper level of introspection.
It’s time for me to get real with myself and my Creator and see the clues of alignment that I’ve missed along the way of traversing 2017.
I watch in fascination as my hand dictates the movement of the pen which flows so effortlessly across the page, unleashing from within me the wisdom so eager to be integrated so that I can move forward into 2018 without the need to relearn the same lessons.
2017 has been a tough motherfucking year.
It’s been a year where everything which had the tiniest of cracks was ripped wide open.
Cracks in my body.
Cracks in my relationships.
Cracks in my business.
Cracks in my womanhood.
Cracks in my faith.
No amount of Polyfilla was going to fix that which was out of integrity.
Instead my soul demanded that I go down – all the way down – and find the root cause of the instability and from this place of complete vulnerability, I get to choose.
I get to choose what I’m going to do from this point going forward.
I get to choose who I forgive so that I may move on without any guilt or anger or resentment.
I get to choose what I put into my body understanding that she is a magnificent machine who demands the best fuel for peak performance.
I get to choose who I desire to serve and in which ways I am here to serve them.
I get to choose the people I bring on board to support me so I may live in my zone of genius.
I get to choose how I heal or not heal my femininity and what I embrace from this point going forward.
I get to choose if I go on my knees and release to Creator that which is not in my power, or if I stubbornly try and stand on my own two feet, insisting to struggle every step of the way.
I’ve taken a ton of time in the last week to get crystal clear on what I truly desire.
Without any limitations.
Without any shame around just how big my dreams are.
Without any false modesty about just how many people I desire to impact.
It’s from this space that I now choose.
My choices start with what I am willing to sacrifice.
For we are unable to bring in the new without clearing out the old which no longer serve us.
I now choose to sacrifice my addiction to sugar. For me, addiction is weakness. Addiction means that there’s a ‘thing’ which is stronger than my will which I bow down to. Addiction means a temporary loss of control and I’m not tolerating any form of weakness within myself anymore. There is only ONE mistress in my body and that bitch is me!
I now choose to sacrifice my little girl hunger to be liked. A hunger that still on occasion sees me kissing ass. A hunger that still on occasion sees me biting me tongue and not speaking my whole truth. A hunger which quite frankly will never be satisfied as this behaviour is revolting to me and in truth, if I don’t like and love myself, all is lost.
I now choose to sacrifice my self-sabotaging behaviours of not living in my wisdom. The asinine stories I tell myself that there’s another thing I need to learn before I have all the lego blocks to build the model somebody else designed. The self-doubt in my abilities which constantly has me looking for a ‘guru’ who will show me ‘the’ way. Fuck that shit! Instead I choose to work with the coaches who hold up the mirror so I may find my unique answers and get the creative solutions. The coaches who ask the tough questions nobody else has the balls to ask me so I may get out of my own way and rise. The coaches who don’t give a rats’ ass if I like them or not and so they don’t pull the punches because they know that I will bleed for my art, for my purpose, for my desires. The coaches who has me dropping F-bombs like its World War Three because my passion erupts from the confinements I’ve put around myself.
I now choose to sacrifice any relationships where I do not honour myself, my values, my spirituality, my passion, my purpose, my truth. The relationships where I’ve been carrying others because I am strong enough to bear more than just my weight. The relationships where I’ve played the role dictated by a society that says women should take care of others before taking care of themselves. I’m not that woman. I’m not here to save anyone. I’m not here to help anyone. I’m here to empower people to make conscious choices so that they can take complete accountability and responsibility of their lives. And that means allowing people to stand on their own two feet because I believe in them even when they don’t believe in themselves. That means walking with those who choose the path of growth, of purpose, of thrive failing which being prepared to walk alone knowing that I’m never truly alone.
I now choose to sacrifice my desire to control everything in my life and instead I embrace surrender. This is probably the most challenging of all my sacrifices because let’s face it, I’m a fucking control freak! And it has served me up to a point. But I’ve also learned that there’s a difference between being an independent woman and being terrified of letting go. In bed. In business. In life. Letting go comes from a space of deep trust and faith. Faith that everything happens for us. Faith that our needs and desires will always be taken care of. Faith that we are safe. Faith in our decisions and choices. Faith in our bodies. Faith in our minds and decisions. Faith in ourselves.
And I now choose to let all of this go with ease, love and grace for the greatest good of all involved.
Everything is a choice my friend.
You can choose to sit with your head up your ass, blaming everyone and everything around you, feeling like a victim, recreating the same shit over and over again in our life, OR you can choose to take complete responsibility. You can choose to do the deep introspection from a space of true desire to understand, to learn, to grow. You can choose to let go of all that no longer serves you so that you may make space for your true desires, your true dreams, your thrive.
Only death is inevitable.
Thriving ultimately is a choice.
With love always,
PS: I would love to hear from you and what you are prepared to sacrifice at this time so you may move forward unburdened by old patterns of sabotaging behaviours. Hit me a reply at firstname.lastname@example.org. Announcing it out loud is the first step to commitment to change.