What is being murdered by sympathy?

Have you ever experienced the fury of a momma bear when her cubs are being threatened?

Probably not.

Yet that is how I felt yesterday.

I don’t allow too many people into my central heart space.

That space is normally reserved for my boys, my family, my close friends, my clients.

Probably because the passion that resides within this sacred space can either burn with tender warmth or become a raging furnace threatening to incinerate all those who threaten my people, their power, their dreams.

It takes shit tons of restraint and control for me NOT to unleash the beast.

NOT to lash out – flinging the menace across the room and standing in front of my cubs, baring fans, hissing, spitting, ready to fight to the death.

I’ve done it before.

I will do it again.

Don’t underestimate me just because I am a little old woman.  Believe me when I tell you that only the strongest of men equal my courage when my tribe is threatened.

I suspect that you might be able to relate.

After all, if you’re reading this you’re a born leader.  You’re here to bring change in a time when the world needs it most.

And I’ve hardly experienced change happening from a space of comfort.

Instead, change is brought on by discomfort, the knowing that we desire to experience the opposite, the knowing that what we are witnessing is not empowering humanity.

So what had me raging yesterday?

Sympathy.

Fucking sympathy!

I’m so sick and tired witnessing powerful people being consoled by ‘well meaning’ sympathisers who spiral warriors down into sobbing heaps of molten marshmallows.

Shove sympathy!

Nobody needs anyone to feel sorry for them.

There are no victims!

There are no weaklings!

There are only powerful people who can choose to feel weak and powerless.  A choice they can change in any moment.

Believe me when I tell you nothing good comes from sympathy.

As humans we do a pretty spectacular job of feeling sorry for ourselves.

I know.

I had a pity party for two years!

And each time someone hugged me and told me to take it easy on myself, I slipped down even further.

Okay so maybe you’re one of those people who thrive under the sympathetic attention of others.  This piece is not for you.  Please stop reading and go hug something.

I respect we’re not all the same.

Yet I have witnessed that weakness breeds weakness.

I have witnessed that people tend to ‘console’ because they’re uncomfortable in the face of tears.  They can’t stand being in the company of heart-wrenching pain and sorrow.  They want you to wipe off those tears and put a smile on your dial.

Here’s a tissue.

Not because they want you to work through your shit and rise stronger.

Nope.

They think they’re doing it from a place of love.

They think they’re helping you.

But they’re not.

I recall a time long long ago, I must have been around six years old, our dog brought home a chick in his mouth.  The poor thing was still alive and so I decided to save it.  I walked with it in my hands the entire day – and it died.  My mom told me I killed it with too much love.

Ouch.

Yet we’ve all seen ‘love’ kill.

I put it in inverted commas because I think that society has fucked up the meaning of love.  I think we’ve forgotten what love truly means.  I suspect it’s time to reassess, remember, reconnect.

Love starts with self.

And hardly anyone loves themselves.

Truly

Madly

Deeply

Maybe it’s time we go back to the drawing board and start with true love.

For the love as we have it at the moment is murdering!

It’s murdering people – I beat the shit out of you because I love you Sweetheart.

It’s murdering courage – Honey you don’t have to be strong, I’ll be strong enough for both of us.

It’s murdering dreams – I will love you even if you give up on your deepest desires today.  You don’t have to keep going.  It’s okay to give up.

That’s not how I love.

I love you.

Unconditionally.

I love you enough to respect your dreams.

I love you enough to kick your ass when you want to give up two feet from the finish line.

I love you enough to witness your exhausted tears, listen to your excruciating drama and then tell you to choose:  sit in the drama and bring out the cake for the pity party of the season, OR TTFU and decide what more you’re willing to pulling out to live your dream.

And if you want to have your pity party I respect that.  And I will allow you to live in the reality you create for yourself through this choice.

And if you want to pull your shit together I will hand you the cement.  And I will stir that coffee and make you drink every last sip so you can get on and finish what you started.

STOP KILLING FUCKING DREAMS WITH SYMPATHY!

Everyone goes through challenges on the way to greatness.

It never ends.

That’s why you’re a goddamned leader!  Because YOU have the balls to get the fuck up and keep going when all the minions want to cuddle you to the floor.

You signed up for this.

Because when you cross the finish line, you wipe off the sweat from your forehead, you go to the medics tent for a bandage, and then you go sign up for the next dream.

YOU

ARE

SPECTACULAR!

YOU

ARE

POWERFUL!

YOU

ARE

ENOUGH!

Fucking end of story.

I’m done with pity parties.

I’m done with the Care Bears who don’t empower.  Instead they enfold you in their soft arms and cradle you into the slumber of mediocrity.

If you’re tired it’s sooooo tempting.

When you’re hurting you just want soft for a while, transporting you back to your warm bed where you felt safe as long as you had your blankie or your teddy.

Well Hun, you’re not fucking two years old anymore!

And the world needs you to get up, show up, and do the epic work you came here to do.

Stop listening to the call of the Siren.

Stop being lulled.

Get up!

Get up!

Get the fuck up!

Reconnect with your purpose.

Fall in love with your dream.

And never, ever, give up!

Stop looking for sympathy.  Connect with empathy.  Surround yourself with warriors.

Warriors hurt.

Warriors cry.

Warriors mourn the loss of their fallen brothers and sisters.

Warriors continue to rise until they too stand in the great hall of Valhalla.

For death is inevitable.

Thriving is a courageous choice.

With love eternal,

Anel

PS:  As we head into the final stretch of 2017 I’m once again seeing people everywhere slow down.  Yes, it’s been a challenging year.  Shit has been brought to the surface and we’ve had to deal.  Yet now is NOT the time to sit down.  Now is NOT the time to say ‘next year’.  Now is NOT the time to give up because your ambitions seem impossible – I hear people saying that maybe they just aimed too high.  Bullshit!  You’re not done yet! The finish line is still ahead of you.  Choose:  Sit down with everyone else, or start pulling out all the stops.  Bring in the big guns.  Believe in yourself.  Invest in yourself.  It’s all a choice – I shouldn’t have to tell you that.  If you’re feeling weak, if you’re feeling tired, but you are determined to finish, then let’s connect.  If you’re ready to pull that shit out of you and rise stronger, let’s connect.  If you’re ready to reconnect with your drive and become indestructible, then let’s connect.  Book your consult today and let’s shift gears.