You, my Darling, are so perfect.
The moment you chose to inhabit this body at this time, you already had everything inside of you.
Everything that would unlock your unbelievable potential.
Everything that would find you on a path of delicious adventure.
Everything that would guide you back to truth.
The truth that love is the only truth.
Everything else, is a motherfucking lie.
The truth that you are enough.
The truth that you are worthy.
The truth that you are magnificence in human form.
Yet you also chose to live during a time when the lies are thick as fog and in order for you to continue striding forward takes no small amount of courage.
So often even when we shine the light we can only see confusion.
Even when we have a voice to guide us we’re unable to even see the next step and it takes so much faith to transfer your weight into the abyss, trusting that the next step will simply appear under your foot.
I’m finding this journey is one of bringing forth the lies from the deep darkness of my subconscious mind, through scrutiny and questioning, and once I put it under the microscope of love I can assess the validity for myself.
Considering I too was raised with the words “Because I Say So”
I too was brought up in a culture of submission.
Of knowing that in the familial pack, where I was the smallest in stature, the ‘weakest’ in sex, the youngest in physical age, I was right at the bottom.
Apparently born to be an amusing toy for all those bored in their average existence and in the pissing contest at the top, I’m the one it rained down on.
And this familial conditioning is what I continued to attract when I left my parental home.
But today I want to thank every single person who ever stepped on me.
Every single person who laid their hands on me in violence.
Every single person who insulted me.
Who told me I’m a worthless piece of shit.
That I’m not smart enough.
That I’m not pretty enough.
That their misery was my fault because I just couldn’t be a normal woman who kissed ass, who bowed down to be kicked for their pleasure. I couldn’t just lie down and do my duty.
Thank you thank you thank you.
OMG the love you felt for me is miraculous and healing all of my wounds leaving behind scars which fills me with pride.
The love of a soul whose only desire to be in service to others.
To have agreed to come down to this plane and rain pain down on me so that I could have the opportunities of growth that my soul hungered for.
The desire my soul feels to be in service to others in turn.
This Universe of love where all is for our highest and greatest good.
I now know that my choice was to come at a time where the system of oppression needed to be questioned as our inherent power, our magic, has been cut from our wombs and it is time to reclaim.
It is time for us to heal Darling.
It is time for us to eradicate the shame that shrouds the pain of our lives in shadow, thereby having us shrink under the drenched blanket dripping with destruction.
It’s in this time that I choose to no longer believe the lies.
I choose to no longer believe the fear.
I choose to no longer cower in front of their rage.
I will stand proud in the face of all they throw at me and I will take it into my heart, into my soul, and transform it back into love.
For I choose to create from this place from this point forward.
Today is the 2nd of February 2018.
MY PERSONAL INDEPENDENCE DAY
The day that I am claiming my FUCKING FREEDOM!
And this freedom is indestructible.
Because it is from inside of me.
Where it matters most.
It is from love.
It is my truth.
Are you ready Gorgeous?
Are you ready to do the work and to break down the walls of shame, of lies, of fear, of suppressed anger and resentment?
Are you ready to claim freedom from the lies caused by fear?
Are you ready to see the truth?
All of it?
Because it’s not easy my friend.
It means you have to get stark fucking naked in front of the mirror and you have to own your part in this story.
You have to own your part in toxic relationships.
You have to own your part in heartbreak.
You have to own your part in mediocrity.
You have to own your part in shitty results.
You have to own it all.
And then you have to stop believing the ancient lie that you have to put yourself last, and you have to start falling in love with yourself.
All of you.
The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful.
All of it.
It’s not going to happen overnight.
I’m only on the first step of my liberation.
But I trust.
I believe in myself.
I believe in love.
And nobody and nothing will ever take this away from me.
I was brought back down to my knees again last month and as I lay on the floor crying I heard that familiar voice – “It’s time to choose Anel. Die or thrive?”
This time I understood that the death was not physical.
I’m past that.
Physical death does not scare me.
It was spiritual death.
It was death of my truth.
Death of my purpose.
NOT A FUCK!
NOT A MOMENT LONGER.
NOT A SECOND MORE.
I AM EMPRESS.
HEAR ME ROAR!
Death of my body might be inevitable.
But I choose to fucking thrive!
How about you Darling?
How about you?
With love eternal,