I’m freaking out.
I’m feeling old today.
I’m feeling like I’m not where I’m supposed to be at this stage of the fight.
I’m feeling like I’m playing too small.
I’m feeling chicken.
What’s this about?
What’s the fear?
The real fear?
Not the one that I say I don’t have.
Aaaaaaaah – I’m still afraid of the unknown.
I’m still afraid of doing the things I’ve never even attempted before.
The things that I talk about but don’t live.
Shit, I thought I had this one handled.
But that’s the thing about fear. It doesn’t go away. And if we think we can conquer it once or twice and be cured we’re sadly mistaken.
Maybe you can relate.
Maybe you think I’m just a coward.
That’s cool. I’m feeling a little cowardly at the moment.
But this shit is real – for me.
I know because I see it reflected all the time.
I know because I see the evidence strewn all over my life like an upturned toy basket in the wake of a two year old tantrum.
I know because I’m a secret control freak and when I feel that I’ve lost an inch of control my ego starts screaming hysterically in my head.
It’s pissing me off.
It’s pissing me off because I know better by now. I know that it’s all in my head. It’s just my stories.
And the moment that I change my story, I change my actions, I change my results.
Except when I allow the ego to take up the pen and write a chapter, I’m fucked.
Why am I even writing this today?
Fuck if I know. Yes, when the cursing increases it’s because I’m feeling threatened and I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit.
I just sat down and asked what’s the message that needs to come through me today. And honestly I’m a little pissed that my fingers are sharing my personal vulnerability with you. A complete stranger. Who probably think I’m crazy as a bat by now.
Or maybe, just maybe, you’re sitting there and you’re feeling a little defeated today. Maybe you feel like you want to throw your hands in the air and scream “Fuck This Shit!” and just walk away from it all. Maybe you feel like an incompetent failure who don’t seem to be achieving the levels of success you see everyone else achieve which means there must be something wrong with you. A faulty print of the human blueprint. A mistake.
And that hurts like a motherfucker!
I have felt it so many times my friend. I have found myself on a cold tiled floor sobbing, screaming into silence, gasping for air, not being able to think anymore. Not being able to feel anymore. Not being able to live anymore.
I have found myself spent on the floor, eyes wide open, staring, dead.
I have found myself not being able to breathe.
Not wanting to breathe.
All because I thought there was something wrong with me.
That I wasn’t as good as everyone else.
That I wasn’t good enough.
I’ve felt that pain and let me tell you that there is nothing worst.
Which means anything else that I can possibly experience going forward will be okay.
I will be okay.
I can give myself permission to fuck up a little more.
I can give myself permission to do the things that has me pissing my pants in fear.
I can give myself permission to be perfectly imperfect.
I can give myself permission to get out of everyone else’s apparent success stories and just focus on my own life. My own purpose. My own mission.
I can give myself permission to feel fear for in the absence of fear I can never find courage.
And I’m ready for more courage.
I’m ready to grow a bigger pair.
I’m ready for greater adventures.
I’m calling in some epic fellow travellers. Those who woke up this morning thinking that it’s time.
Those who are fed up with feeling like lesser than.
Those who are here to bring change.
Those who are tired of having politically correct conversations. Who want more. Who want real.
Those who are prepared to get bruised and grazed. Those who are ready to cry and bleed.
Because it’s in our tears that we find our healing.
It’s in our blood that we find our living.
I’m ready to set the next scary goal for myself and ask “What is the worst thing that could possibly happen?”
I guess I could end up alone.
That’s a possibility. Although being alone doesn’t mean loneliness.
I guess I could end up broke.
That’s a possibility. I’ve been broke before. I turned it around before. I can turn it around again.
I guess I could end up without legs.
That’s a possibility. Then again there are thousands of epic badasses out there evidencing that a loss of limbs doesn’t mean a loss of greatness.
I guess I could end up dead.
Well fuck – I’m going to die anyway!
In other words nothing that I can do can end in complete disaster!
Doesn’t that just feel amazing? Liberating? Empowering?
How about you????
How are you feeling right now?
Ready for something new and scary and exciting?
Ready to do something crazy?
I keep seeing a mountain whilst writing. Fuck. Guess I’m going to go run across a goddamned mountain again. Fuck. Anyone keen on running over a mountain with me?
Seriously! What is it that you’re NOT giving yourself permission to do? The craving that won’t go away? The whisper that is a constant annoyance like a fly buzzing around your head? The green eyed monster you feel inside each time you see others living something that you’re not? And what is the fear that stopping you from doing it? What’s the worst thing that could possibly happen?
Honey, death is inevitable. Thriving is a choice.
What are you going to choose?
20 Seconds of insane courage will always transform your life.
With love eternal,
PS: Are you ready to set those really big goals but not sure where to even start? Or maybe you’re feeling why even bother when you’ve given up so many times in the past? Maybe you’re telling yourself that you just don’t have what it takes. Yet there is a rebellious energy inside of you that is insatiable and demanding expression. There is a warrior inside of you that refuses to let you stay flat on your face. There’s a drive inside of you that will not be kept small any longer. Are you ready to rise? Are you ready to keep taking another step and another and another? Whatever it takes? Whatever it takes? Because the stench of mediocrity is filling your throat with acid bile and you’re done with this shit? Then let’s connect Darling and let’s shift your sweet ass into massive amounts of inspired action where you won’t have time to press pause, you won’t have time to self-sabotage, you won’t have time for failure.