Are you quite done killing yourself?

Ugh,

is there ANYTHING worse than seeing a high achiever pretending to be happy

with the slow life?

Skulking around with your smile painted on your face,

nodding your head whilst silently rolling your eyes.

Because everything you do,

everything you say,

everyone you’ve surrounded yourself with,

is sooooooo ordinary,

you want to choke.

Yet, you’re afraid to shine.

Afraid to shake off the cloak of invisibility you’ve so carefully crafted over the years,

after all those bitchy remarks behind your back,

those insults to your face.

They hurt like a bitch!

I know Darling.

I completely understand why you did it.

Why you gave up on yourself,

your inner wisdom,

your knowing,

your drive,

your radiance,

as the fight became too much and you just got tired of bleeding.

So you pretend to be a pussy,

you pretend that you need them,

so they will smother you in their embrace,

and for the first time,

you felt like you belonged somewhere.

I remember it well.

After years of torment there’s an audible sigh of relief and you feel loved and accepted.

You delusional idiot!

Don’t you understand that they don’t love and accept you?

Fuck, you don’t even love and accept yourself!

How can you?

Thinking it’s better to fit in and walk with the masses,

than to break free and run wild!

 

Which in fact is where you thrive.

Even whilst panting for air.

Even whilst blisters are forming on your feet.

Even whilst sweat is pouring down your back.

OMG THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ALIVE!

Anything else for a high achiever,

is suicide.

When you’re sitting there with another cookie in your hand wondering how that go there…

when you’re standing by the sink eating the kids left-overs instead of scraping it into the bin…

when you’re scrolling on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, with that glass of wine in your hand, wishing the time would just run out…

when you’re signing up for another course to put off doing your soul work…

all of this is YOU KILLING YOURSELF.

Self-prescribed drugs to numb the pain of self-abandonment.

And you wonder why you’re so exhausted all the time.

You wonder why you’re bored.

You wonder why you’re not happy even though you have all the trimmings.

Make no mistake my friend, our conditioning is strong.

And they are so convincing.

They have created structures and systems that breeds conformity.

And those who are obsessed with the protection of the system,

will HATE you.

Yes, I said hate.

Not dislike.

And they will come after you with all their might.

They will sling their poisoned rocks at you and you will bleed time and again.

Finding yourself on the floor,

sobbing,

wondering what the fuck you ever did to them to deserve their rage.

And most, stay down.

Will you?

I did.

For a very long time.

Until staying down no longer became an option.

I chose to rise.

I chose to keep rising.

Every time they beat me down.

I just kept getting up and taking another step forward.

Until finally, they were left behind.

Which is when they changed tactics.

Pleading with me to come back.

That they needed me.

That they loved me.

That they’re sorry.

And a few times, I fell for that shit.

Codependent much?

Not anymore.

I finally understand that right now, the world is changing.

And we’re all getting to a point where we have to choose.

Will we bow down to the system of mindless obedience,

honouring tradition without question,

staying loyal to bullies, addicts, and murderers?

Will we continue to live in shame, sacrifice, feeding the culture of suffering?

Will we continue to buy into their labels of how truly fucked up and broken we are, convinced that we need their drugs, their steps, their help,

because we don’t have what it takes…

Or

will we reconnect to our truth – that we are god-sparks here to have an experience.

We are made of the same stuff as that which creates galaxies.

Whaaaaaaat?

Yes Darling.

Everything that you witness around you right now, YOU’VE CREATED.

You taking full responsibility is your first step to true freedom.

More importantly,

how you experience all that is around you,

is completely and totally up to you as well.

It’s called free will.

It’s also called BS – Belief Systems / Bull Shit aka stories.

Which is why one person will sleep on a park bench with no worldly possessions with a smile so radiant it puts the sun to shame,

another will be on that bench and be in so much pain they drink themselves to death.

It’s why one woman will wake next to her husband filled with so much joy she can hardly contain the bounce in her step,

another will wake wondering how the fuck she’s going to find the strength to get out of bed.

And here’s the thing:

there’s no RIGHT way to live.

All of that stuff, that’s just you buying into the game of comparison.

Which is making your miserable.

Instead of finding what lights YOU up,

saying fuck the rest,

and living YOUR LIFE OF CHOICE,

you’re sitting there looking at what everyone else is saying happiness is.

Except most of them are secretly miserable as well.

I can tell you with certainty, for a high achiever, it’s not the slow life.

I continue to meet countless born achievers,

FUCKING DYING

from the slow pace.

For us,

sitting down,

leads to depression.

We go into sloth-mode,

losing our willpower,

until finally our movements become so slow,

we freeze as if turned to stone.

Because our hearts have turned cold.

Our fire, extinguished.

Nothing left.

Well I have some marvellous news for you Darling.

YOU’RE NOT DEAD YET!

Fucking fight for your LIFE!

Get the hell up.

Move your arse.

Don’t walk,

RUN!

Away from all those who don’t understand or accept your passion, your fire, your madness, your creativity, your authentic, beautiful, brilliant, magnificent self.

I promise you that you are not alone.

But you have to sacrifice the vampires before you will find your tribe.

It’s the end of 2018.

As you look back on the past twelve months, are you thrilled with it?

Do you look at it and go 2018 was the year that EVERYTHING changed?

The year you finally accepted yourself?

The year you finally appreciated yourself?

The year you finally loved yourself?

Respected yourself?

Or is it another carbon copy of all the previous years, where you’ve pretended to be anything less than all of you?

No judgement,

just awareness.

And what will 2019 bring?

More of the same?

That’s a choice available to you.

Or, will 2019 bring your liberation?

As far as I’m concerned, existence is worse than DEATH.

Thriving, is the choice of the brave.

With deep love and appreciation of you,

Anel.