attempt number three.
What’s going on today?
Why do I keep writing and then,
just as I get to signing off,
I go back and delete everything?
What the actual fudgicals?
it’s because they’ve started saying that it’s easy for me and it’s hard for them so they’re not going to do it anymore.
They think that I simply sit down
it flows out like a good crap after an enema,
and since they’re feeling constipated,
they’re rather going to regurgitate some more.
I simply sit down and an avalance of words flood the screen.
On other days,
not so much.
On other days,
such as today,
I’m sitting here
naked and freezing,
snowy mountains having turned the air into ice
feeling as though it’s slicing my skin
even as sweat drips down my sides.
And I’m just not FEELING it,
Time to make the choice:
Do I just say
“Fuck this shit and the entire online world.
They won’t even notice if I don’t write today.
They will probably give me more attention if I just go onto Pinterest, download a popular motivational quote and post that shit.”
do I commit to who I choose to be and who I choose to serve:
a writer for the freaks, those who dare to be different,
wild, free, giving the cult a round bottom to kiss,
a creator of space and time for introspection and conscious choice.
of how many attempts it takes
for me to allow the TRUE message through.
The one that someone
at some time
is praying for.
You see Buttercup,
does not always mean
ease, flow and flawless execution every single time.
She’s not a factory that you just flick the switch, see the cogs turn and neat tidy little packages come out the other end.
such as society has forgotten.
She is a vivacious, temptuous, moody AF lover
who will not settle for mediocre anything.
She will not dance to your tune
when you do not beat the drums to a rhythm that entices HER
to sway her hips hypnotically
you release control
that if you show up
even whilst it becomes uncomfortabe to the extreme,
she will take your breath away.
Art demands ‘raw imperfection’ which society has shamed.
You have to be willing to create whatever desires to be given form and share the creation with others
even though some will say it’s absolutely worthless, ugly and displeasing to them,
for others will find a connection with the Spirit of the work and be moved from the inside out to vibrate on a higher frequency which in and of itself is priceless.
Art is a warrior
who demands daily practice,
willing to bleed from failed attempts
in front of her sparring partners,
not allowing self-shame to stand in the way
of her ultimate greatness.
One of the reasons society is losing its appreciation of true art,
settling for copies and imitations,
is because it’s losing its appreciation of the struggle in learning and practice
as it feels uncomfortable
it looks terrible
and appearance has become more important than strength and substance.
So if it doesn’t work
in 90 days or less,
they give up or say it’s not worth the effort.
They say you’re nothing but a fraud and a failure instead of a human on an incredible journey of growth and new creation.
Instead of staying the path, they purchase the next promise of ‘effortless results’
using another cookie cutter
relinquishing the pride and satisfaction of creating Your Original Art.
you need to start deciding
what’s truly important to you.
You cannot give in to the pressures of the external environment
if your internal world feels as though it’s dying!
For I can promise you
that NOTHING will ever satisfy you
if you ARE an artist, a mutant of non-conformity, a creator, an ALPHA,
and you continue setting goals and achieving results
instead of unleashing your genius,
bringing to the world that which nobody else ever can,
as it’s as unique to you as your fingerprints.
For you to BE your true self
you have to stop giving a damn about appearances
and ‘effortless results’,
remembering that for a prima ballerina to show up on stage and dazzle with her performance
she spends YEARS in training
and she never STOPS training and rehearsing
her feet UGLY to the extreme
her body bruised under that pretty tutu
no sacrifice is too great
for her ART.
She releases the ego-need of perfection,
understanding that no two performances are ever the same
regardless of the amount of work she puts in,
there will always be room for growth and improvement
and THAT is what fuels her
rather than making her feel demotivated, giving up, as the masses do, just because they’ve lost every ounce of grit.
It’s time for you to decide
and then commit,
as you’ve never committed before,
not to the results
but to BEING the artist.
Death might be inevitable,
thrive is an option too.
Live with honour,