Who ever taught us to be so hard on ourselves?
To be so critical of ourselves?
To never feel good enough?
To compare ourselves to unrealistic social images of what is considered beautiful?
Who the fuck cares.
The fact is that we can continue to blame our parents, our spouses, our boyfriends when we were ten years old, the media
we can choose to take back our power and start thinking for ourselves.
And I have a feeling that when you decide to think for yourself you will agree with me that this insanity of self-judgement and not feeling good enough is complete and utter bullshit.
Oh don’t think that I’m immune to it.
Far from it.
I’m a work in progress.
I’m at an interesting juncture of my personal journey where I’ve had the awareness that all my criticism of self was in fact just screwing me over. Keeping me in the shadows. Feeling judged even when nobody was judging.
I look back at photos of myself a few years ago and think “Shit I was well built”. Sadly at the time all I could see was a fat tummy, cellulite ridden thighs and no boobs. I thought I looked like an overweight walrus. I never had the true enjoyment of my IronMan body.
I look at the photo on my bedroom wall and I see a beautiful woman, strong in her vulnerability. At the time all I felt was shame and most days I would pull my hair back in a ponytail, no make-up, baggy tracksuits, trying as much as possible to be invisible. To not draw attention. To not be seen for who I am.
There was a lot going on in my life a few years ago. A lot of growth. A lot of pain. A lot of fire to forge the warrior woman I am today.
Which brought me to this point where I decided that in order for me to be who I came here to be, I had to start focusing on my strengths, my talents rather than always finding fault. For you will always find evidence for that which you seek.
When all you are seeking is weakness, you will find it in spades and become weak.
When you start looking for talent, OMG your entire world changes.
I still catch myself every time I see myself in the mirror as I get ready to climb into the shower. My first thought is almost always “Aaaaargh my tummy is too round and has extra skin, my thighs are too thick, my ass is sagging”. Then I catch myself and rephrase “My tummy protected two gorgeous babies who have been a source of joy for seventeen years already. Those hips and thighs have some powerful muscles which keeps me getting back up and moving forward. That ass – okay well…”
It’s a process.
What I’m finding is the more I love my body, the more she loves me. I’ve discovered that I have less desire to put greasy or sugary shit into her. Instead I nourish her with healthy food and clear water. She’s responding by letting go of the extra weight I’ve been carrying around the last couple of years. I’m not however doing it to lose weight, I’m doing it from a place of self-love.
I’ve also discovered that there are different types of warriors.
There are the berserkers which is probably the most accurate description of myself for the past few decades. A scared, hurt, raging animal charging forward relentlessly. Not without gaining my fair share of scars mind you. I have plenty of those and I carry them with pride.
Looking back most of my pain was self-inflicted. I would take the hurtful words that others slung my way, multiply that a thousand fold and then take it as truth about myself. The pain was quite frankly excruciating. I took all that emotional pain and started hurting myself physically through drinking, smoking, overeating, overtraining. You name it, I did it.
I’m not judging myself. I respect the journey. Not sure at times why I picked THIS journey, but hey…
Now I know that there is in fact a different art to being a warrior. It is the understanding that strength has a Yin and a Yang.
The Yang symbolises the addition of driving forces and the Yin is the subtraction of restrictive forces.
It is about building strength and flexibility. It is about acknowledging my talents and recognising my weaknesses so I can bring in external support without thinking it makes me weak.
This accounts for all areas of our lives – physical, relationships, professional.
It is about tapping into your big why and always taking inspired action (drive) and then it is about identifying obstacles and removing those (subtract) so that we can achieve optimal results.
I find that one of those restrictive forces is self-hate. I know hate is a strong word but quite frankly if you could have heard the way I spoke about myself a few years ago you would agree with me. And why do we sugar coat this shit?
“Oh I don’t hate myself” you say, “I just can’t stand my fat tummy”.
Look Hun I get it. Fuck knows that the culture of mediocrity and conformity is trying it’s best to break the wildness within us. To keep us small and submissive in the shadows. For when we don’t love ourselves and feel confident about who we are, we don’t speak up.
But fuck them.
It’s time to start healing your relationship with yourself.
To start falling in love with yourself.
To become the warrior who honours both the Yin and the Yang.
To see yourself with new eyes so that you can become the powerhouse you came here to be.
It’s time to let that shit go.
Don’t listen to the voices saying that you’re full of yourself when you start loving who you are and you speak out with pride.
Don’t listen to the nay-sayers who see your new approach to life and tell you that you’re becoming weak.
For a rigid branch breaks in the storm that the flexible reed withstands.
Who cares what they say?
You do. To the point that at times you never even take the first step as you pre-empt the judgement and think why bother.
Start taking the first step!
It’s not easy. And there are days where we all just want to throw in the towel and say “Fuck this shit. It’s too much. It’s never-ending. It’s bullshit. It’s easier to just go back to being average.”
It’s cool. Throw the towel. Rage and curse and get it out of your system.
Then go pick up the fucking towel, dry off your tears, take a deep breathe, square your shoulders and take the next step.
Just one step.
That’s all you can ask of yourself.
It’s all you need to take – one more step.
Before you know it you will have walked a mile.
The truth is you’re not going to do it until you start seeing the truth of who you are – your true power and beauty and magnificence. You’re not going to do it if all you do is criticise yourself because that just slows you down, makes you tired, has you losing the fight.
So what will you do today to break the cycle of self-criticism?
My recommendation is that you write yourself a love letter. Start with your body – God knows we love finding fault in her! Except this time you are going to find all that is good and pure and beautiful and powerful in her. Write it down. Thank your body. Each and every part of her. Praise her. Find the beauty even in those crooked little toes.
Then write yourself a love letter on relationships. All of them. The good, the bad and the ugly. Praise yourself for attracting those lessons into your life. Find the learning in each and every one. Find the beauty of how you have grown in them.
Next write yourself a love letter on your career path and finances. All the positions you’ve held. All the companies you’ve maybe started and closed down. All your ‘failures’ and learnings. All your decisions – those who gave you favourable results and those who had you landing on your ass. Thank yourself for having the courage to make those decisions. Praise yourself for your adventurous spirit in not always choosing the easiest path, for taking the long way to success.
This is not easy work Darling. And it’s definitely not something you’re going to do once and never have to revisit.
This is a journey of empowered choice which few will make.
But it is one powerful first step.
The first step is choosing to heal this in yourself thereby taking back all the power you’ve given away over the years.
And it’s time to do it!
For our time has come to rise. Our time to let that shit go and be the warriors that is so needed in a time when humanity is in crises.
For death is coming. You can choose to thrive until then.
With eternal love,
PS: Ever wonder exactly why people choose to work with me? Well this is it. This is the journey my clients take with me. The journey whereby they rise and do the deep work that has kept them achieving average results instead of making the impact they came here to make. They work with me because I’ve been gifted to see the magnificence residing within, the purpose they have in this lifetime, and I hold them up to that. When they throw down the towel I tell them to choose – walk away or toughen up and pick it up. I don’t pick it up for them. It’s all about showing them the choices they have not seen before. And every time they pick up that towel they become stronger. This journey is not for everyone. It’s for you if you’re truly ready to rise. If you know that you can no longer tolerate living a false life pleasing the masses. Things you need to know upfront – your tears don’t scare me; I curse like a sailor especially when I get passionate; I don’t tolerate bullshit excuses; I believe in you even when you don’t. If this is speaking to your soul, then let’s connect today. Mail me or book your free consult here.