Maybe it’s the moon.
But I woke up feeling way more relaxed than usual.
My fingers are slow to reach for the keys in an effort to express the knowing that I received this morning accompanied by a feeling of complete I don’t know what. Peace? Joy? Surrender? I can’t put a name to it.
It reminds me of the time I smoked something I won’t name just incase my kids read this. I found myself shutting out the demands of the world and unhurriedly absorbing the fascinating journey of a small ant carrying a bread crumb. I loved it! I felt happy. I felt unhurried.
It was a looooong time ago.
That was probably also the last time I allowed myself the luxury of doing nothing but observe something as spectacular and miraculous as the journey of an ant.
For I am what is known as an achiever.
My entire life is driven by setting epic goals and then taking an insane amounts of action to smash those babies for a moment of exhilaration before hungrily searching for the next goal.
No I’m not going to change that. I actually love the thrill of the entire choice of living my life this way.
I have no desire to sit zonked out for days on end. I would get bored shitless and probably smoke something again.
What I did realise this morning however is that at times I have this tremendous sense of pain of not achieving fast enough. Of not achieving more NOW.
Or so I thought.
The real pain is not my achievements or the pace in which I’m achieving.
The real pain is achieving the shit that really matters to me but then having to deal with the disappointing lack of enthusiasm from others because in their eyes the only thing I should be successful at is making money.
Are you serious?
Have you seen the blog photo?
That’s how I love to roll.
I love to thrive!
I love shenanigans.
I love to laugh.
I love to love life.
Which if I’m really honest has cost me years of true happiness because I looked around me and everyone seemed to be equating success to money, never mind how miserable most of the poor bastards chasing money look themselves.
So I would make less time for what fills my cup and more time doing ‘money making activities’.
No, I have no desire to be poor. Been that, done that. Not my style.
But I demand to have fun on the way! To enjoy my journey!
I insist on having time to train and keep my body in peak physical condition so that I can carry my own bag when I go exploring. I refuse to miss out of a gorgeous day at the beach so that I can do what? Follow somebody else’s marketing formula which leaves me feeling depleted and uninspired?
I’ve tried that.
I really tried my best Sir.
I sucked Nickerballs at it. Remember those and how you keep sucking and sucking until your cheeks are sore expecting god knows what only to find that every time you think you must have a break-through there’s another hard layer.
Except trying to follow all the crazy-making steps lacked the sweetness.
I’ve come to the understanding that what was causing me the real pain was not the results as they stand in my life – I adore my life – but the disappointment so often expressed by others. And the fact that they look at me with resentment because how dare I be sooooo fucking happy all the time when I’m not driving a Bentley?
Well Hon, you can take your resentment and your indoctrinated values and kiss my happy pinkie toe.
I’ve taken the time to figure out what truly matters to me. I’ve always paid more for my bikes than my cars because have you seen where I go on my bikes???
I’m taking the time to set the goals that light me up and to take the daily action to achieve them.
Just because you don’t understand why I’m not walking the trodden route that everyone else is following doesn’t mean I’m going to fall in line to soothe your confusion.
I guess some people will never understand the thrill of bundu-bashing.
The exhilaration that comes from not knowing exactly where the fuck you are or what the next step is going to reveal but just being open to the adventure of it all.
This is maybe why I’ve been blessed with no sense of direction. I’m not kidding! Ask anyone who really knows me and they will tell you how absurdly lost I can get even if I’ve driven a route a hundred times. Every time I drive it everything seems brand new. Which also means I get lost A LOT!
It used to freak the shit out of me.
Until I started riding my mountain bike, got lost and discovered something SPECTACULAR which most people never see as it is hardly ever on the official route. I’ve found if I just keep going forward I will eventually come out somewhere and then I have no shame in admitting that I’m lost to complete strangers and have them guide me back to my car.
I would get back – muddy, exhausted, very late and thriving!!
Did I raise a few eyebrows and get lectured of how selfish I was to not be on time and how worried I made others because they were expecting certain responsible behaviours from me?
For as long as I can remember.
But you know what, it’s my life. I’m here to live it and love it and sometimes that means just going with the flow of joy.
I do believe it’s time to take this philosophy into all areas of my life, including my business.
What’s the worst thing that could happen?
People will think I’m crazy? Well most think that already.
I can fail and have to start over again? Hahaha – been doing that for fifteen years Darling. I’m still here. Smiling. Still fucking forward in unchartered waters and enjoying the learning.
I can actually find a whole new area of spectacular joy that I never knew existed? Oh the horror!
I can inspire others who look at me longing to break out of their own existence, break the rules, break the chains, and nudge them to look inside and make the decision to give mediocrity a well manicured middle finger and thrive?
Isn’t that what it’s all about?
It’s not about pleasing others.
It’s not about doing it the way that all the little people are doing it.
We weren’t born to follow Darling.
We were born to head into a direction which has no clear path and scrape our knees, fall in the mud, conquer the mountains, sweat, swear, laugh, cry, scream, pant.
Don’t you just want to live life on your own terms?
Really live it?
Without always trying to please those who can never be pleased because they are not brave enough to do the work, to heal their pain, to return to their truth, to enjoy the adventure we’ve been gifted with?
But you are.
I know you are.
Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this.
And here’s the thing – it’s your life purpose to live your life in a way that lights you up! That’s what is needed by all of humanity and Mother Earth at this time. People who serve as healers through their joy. Pure and simple.
Just choose to be happy.
Just choose to live your life in a way that has you smiling.
I’m making the choice to not only continue setting the goals that light ME up, to walk where there is no path, to do what makes ME happy AND I choose to share it with those who get it. Who get me. Who choose to do the same.
I choose to stop setting myself up for pain and disappointment by sharing my truth with those who will just never understand.
I hope this piece inspires you to start doing the same.
Because YOUR true soul tribe is out there. Scattered in the wilderness. Like all wild wolves we don’t need to all walk on top of each other to howl our joy to the moon. We stand our ground yet form a choir spreading over the globe like the smoke signals of old can span continents in the blink of an eye.
I am woman, Hear me howl!
Let me hear your voice Darling.
Let me hear you!
For death is coming. But you can still choose to thrive now.
With love always,
PS: Women don’t learn. Women awaken. Are you ready? Are you ready to go inside and find your truth, your inspiration, your joy? If so I am currently opening my practice to a few private clients. This is a six month journey for those who are truly ready to do the work needed to break the chains that have kept you living at a frustrating level capped by a glass ceiling of your own making. Mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org for all the details. Take my hand Sister. I’ll walk beside you. It’s your time now. And you are ready for the next step now.