Do you ever feel weighed down by your responsibilities?
Feeling as though it becomes too much at times…
Having you reach for that drink.
That block of chocolate.
Filling you with dread to the point where you just want to run away and NEVER come back.
I can relate.
I used to feel like that all the time.
From your perspective I was ticking all the boxes for a happy life – successful career, married to a handsome man, two children, two dogs, one cat, a hamster, red sports car, home-owner.
Tick tick tick.
Except my experience of your ‘happy life’, was a prison with the walls closing in.
In fact, once I discovered the freedom I felt on my bike, there were days where I wanted to start riding and never look back.
Social expectations felt suffocating.
Telling me that I always had to make the decisions that would make financial provision for my old days.
That I had to live a life of safety so that I could take care of my family.
That I should be more careful because it was unfair to make others worry about me whilst off on some irresponsible ride at 4 am in the streets of Joburg.
As a responsible adult, I had to put the feelings and needs of others before my own.
After all, I was a wife and mother and daughter and friend and employer and blah blah blah.
Whatever the fuck.
It took me ages to realise that this entire philosophy of others before self is causing endless unhappiness and breeds codependency.
For one thing, I believe that each and every one of us CHOSE to come to this plane of existence and have an experience – too airy fairy for you? Stop reading my stuff.
For another, I don’t believe that we came to this life to be mindless slaves to a master called society.
I believe that we came here with a desire to remember who we truly are, to experience a vast variety of physical, emotional, mental contrasts – thereby sorting for ourselves that which feels fabulous and that which feels like shit.
And then to choose more fab, less drab.
Understanding that for some fab is the marriage, the kids, the white picket fence.
And that is PERFECT.
What I’m pointing out today is that there are those of us who desire FREEDOM and CREATIVE EXPRESSION and ADVENTURE above all else and I’m choosing to take a stand for us by saying we’re not faulty, we’re different from the norm.
I don’t believe that we are responsible for the experiences of others.
Yes, as a mother I chose to raise my children by feeding them, providing shelter for them, expanding their minds (although those who don’t agree with my thoughts say I corrupt my children and fuck up their lives by having them think beyond a box).
But there also came a point when I decided that as a mother I desired to show my children who the fuck I truly am.
I am NOT a maid.
I am NOT a slave.
I am NOT a timid little woman who kisses ass.
I am NOT a little princes who don’t want to get a splash of mud on her dress.
I couldn’t care less of having the approval of others who have conflicting values.
So I became irresponsible.
I became selfish.
I decided to stop living in a coffin with the intention of existing to old age, by which stage my body would have been completely emancipated and dried up, life-less, anyway.
I kicked that lid open, got out and started running irresponsibly, riding irresponsibly, investing irresponsibly, moving irresponsibly.
I NEVER think things through.
I see it.
I say HELL YES!
I do it, trusting that it’s all perfect and OF COURSE everything happens FOR me.
Even the painful experiences.
I take full responsibility for MY happiness – and I get to define what it looks like.
I take full responsibility for MY success – and I get to define what it looks like.
I take full responsibility for MY health – and I get to define what it looks like.
I take full responsibility for MY thrive – and I damn well get to define what it looks like.
Does this make me popular with most people?
Oh hell no!
I continue to make my own choices and to leave behind those who get outraged, bitter and resentful.
Not my problem.
I have come to realise that no matter what I do, how it gets interpreted has NOTHING to do with me, and EVERYTHING to do with the story that’s going on in the other person’s head.
I also no longer blame others for the results in my life.
I don’t blame McDonalds’ for obesity. You want to eat that shit, you’re gonna get fat. Think for yourself.
I don’t blame successful people’s social media posts for my insecurities. They are human too! I respect them for their success and I happen to know that as humans we all have our fears, our doubts. I fucking salute them for facing their demons in private so they can perform in public.
I have zero time for blame or shame – the two behaviours which gets poured over us from childhood until we’re saturated with that shit, to enforce obedience and conformity.
Now, did this happen overnight?
I’m only getting started.
I’m 46 years old and happier than I’ve ever been.
Because I stopped feeling responsible for a man’s choices and his desire to be in a socially approved relationship that was suffocating both of us.
I stopped feeling responsible for my children’s socially approved successes and failures, and instead of focusing on them, I focus on myself.
I’m saying YES to my dreams, my desires, my madness,
and in this process,
I give them permission to do the same for themselves.
I adore, love and respect them for who they are.
Fucking liberating my friend.
Finally they have space to breathe, they have contrasting role models everywhere, and they get to create and experience contrasts in their lives from which to choose for themselves.
Yes, I actually believe in my kids and that they always make the perfect decisions for themselves.
Shocker, I know.
The more I focus on me, the less I focus on others.
And from this space, I make the most ‘irresponsible’ choices available to me at the time.
Yes, I’m irresponsibly choosing to be happy knowing that this is my indicator that I’m on the right path for my soul purpose.
I’m irresponsibly choosing to invest in what I desire RIGHT NOW knowing that there is no end to the amount of abundance that is available to me FOREVER.
I’m irresponsibly choosing to create and immerse myself in epic, dangerous, crazy, exhilarating, adventures that challenge body, mind and soul to the point that my guardian angels are putting in requisitions for a holiday knowing that the more I thrive, the more I inspire, which is part of my soul work.
I’m not saying that you must throw out the baby with the bathwater today Darling.
I’m simply inviting you to sit down and have an honest look at your life.
Is it feeling like the most amazing, expansive, liberating, fun adventure of all times,
or is it feeling like a death sentence?
And if so, what are the beliefs, the stories, that’s keeping you sitting on death row?
It’s all about awareness from which you can start making more conscious choices.
I’m also going to gift you this, and this will be a hard one to swallow –
You are not responsible for the happiness of others,
and they are not responsible for yours.
I know, I love you too.
Only death is inevitable.
Thriving remains the choice of the brave.