“I love you, but I love me more…”

I might have a little girl-crush on Samantha Jones.

 

I’ve come a far way in the last year or so,

finally admitting to myself and the world that I do better as a free woman,

and still,

I have a long way to go.

 

Which is probably why “Sex and the City” came onto my radar.

It’s one of those series that women used to talk about with either great admiration or horrified disgust.

It took me all this time to finally watch it.

 

Last night Samantha looked her first great love right in the eye,

having listened to his impassioned plea as to why she should remain in the relationship,

and from a space of absolute compassion said:

“I love you, but I love me more”

 

Those words infiltrated my subconscious mind,

marinading whilst asleep,

and completely transformed my journaling experience this morning.

 

My question to myself:

If I truly loved and appreciated myself,

the way Samantha Jones does,

what would be different,

what would I no longer do,

what would I no longer tolerate?

 

One would expect that at this stage of the fight there would be but a bullet point or two.

Yet,

as I gave myself permission to be ruthless,

page after page filled up.

 

Relationships where I’m still giving way more than I’m receiving.

Routines expected of a married woman but which really serves no purpose to a single woman.

Old habits which quite frankly leaves me with the taste of blandness in my mouth.

Even foods which I’ve told myself shit about when,

if I’m honest,

does not leave me feeling fabulous.

 

Surely if I truly loved and appreciated myself,

fabulous would be the norm…

And anything else,

would simply be a fuck no.

 

I mean seriously Darling,

why the hell are we still settling for so much uninspiring bullshit?

 

Truth is that most people don’t feel comfortable in amazing.

They want nothing to do with the spotlight.

They whisper in the dark,

and whisper in the light.

They love the cloak of conformity.

And to them I say:

‘go forth into the cult of average and be happy in your misery.’

 

You’re not most people, Sunshine,

you wouldn’t be here if you were.

 

Either you’re reading this because you’re one of those who love being triggered,

just so that you can justify your indignation and angrily stomp around,

telling everyone about the disrespectful bitch who posts the most inappropriate things online.

If that’s you,

I’m happy to be in service to your anger-disguised fear.

 

Alternatively,

you’re an Alpha reading this because

you’ve had your fill of self-sacrifice for the sake of compromise.

 

We’re living in a radical time,

which is easy to spot if you choose to take off your blinkers.

More and more people are waking up to the fact that just as there’s a class-divide,

there’s an energy divide.

And it’s not as forgiving as the class system.

There’s no ‘middle-energy’,

which is why the ‘middle-class’ is dying out rapidly.

 

You’re either choosing to be high vibrational,

or you’re choosing to be low vibrational.

It’s a choice based on YOUR thoughts.

Plain and simple.

Until you start paying attention to your mind,

you’re fucked.

 

You’ll continue to believe others,

even when what they say leaves you curled up in pain,

you’ll continue to follow and obey,

even when it has you living in chains of slavery,

you’ll continue to kiss arse,

even when the stink has you vomit in your mouth.

 

Mind-set is the strategy to EVERYTHING in your life,

from your fitness to your business to your money to your relationships,

because when you believe it,

you see it.

 

End of discussion.

 

It’s also been my experience and observation that the ONLY reason we don’t question more,

why we don’t speak out more,

why we don’t decide for ourselves more,

is that we put the feelings of others above our own.

 

As if

we’re responsible for how anyone else feels.

As if

we can possibly please everyone else.

As if

we matter less than others.

 

It’s this sick philosophy of sacrifice for the clan

that breeds co-dependency, conformity, self-sacrifice, and quite frankly, mediocrity.

 

Why?

Because those who are too lazy to do the work,

the real work,

the inner work,

the mind work,

are the ones who wail the loudest,

which has all the rescuers jump on their white steeds and charge forth,

slaying anyone deemed to be offensive.

 

How’s that working out for us?

Let’s see…

 

Increase in addictions,

Increase in abuse,

Increase in depression,

Increase in suicide,

Increase in violence,

Increase in poverty,

Increase in disease.

 

Yeah,

I don’t think the prevailing mentality is working out so great for humanity.

 

Let me ask YOU:

what would be different in YOUR life if you

TRULY

UNCONDITIONALLY

RADICALLY

Loved and Appreciated yourself

MORE

than you love and appreciate anyone else?

 

Can you even comprehend?

Or does it sound so selfish, so inconsiderate,

that the question, in and of itself, offends you?

 

Only death is inevitable Darling.

Thrive is the choice of those brave enough to return to self.

 

Live with honour,

Anel.