Living in denial ain’t gonna to make them fears go away…

You can drop the act with me.

I see straight through your false bravado Sunshine.

That’s because YOU are in me,

and the ME in you feel fear every day too.

I used to think that being afraid makes me weak.

That it meant that I was somehow smaller than everyone around me.

Now I know,

we’re all afraid.

We’re born into a collective unconscious bursting with memories of abuse, jealousy, hatred, indoctrination, murder, rape, slavery, and general pissing of pants.

Our lives are inundated with fear-programming.

Our entire social system is built on fear.

Spare the rod and spoil the child saw my rear-end red as I continuously stepped over the line.

Corporal punishment was still legal in schools and,

well,

yes,

what can I say?

I wasn’t exactly an obedient little minion there either.

Everything that was judged as unpleasing to their culture of conformity, resulted in physical pain.

And once I became too old for that,

it was transformed into emotional pain.

I’m all for pain, but I prefer the type that leads to an increase of strength.

Not a breaking of spirit.

At some point,

and I honestly don’t remember when,

but at some point,

I decided that fear was a sign of weakness,

making me a target for those bigger and stronger than me.

Which meant that, I not only had to over-exaggerate my confidence out in the world,

but I had to reject the notion that I felt fear to myself.

It didn’t work out so well for me.

I drank more booze than I should have survived,

thinking that if I was more jolly, they would like me.

I swallowed diet pills like smarties,

thinking that if I could get thin enough,

they wouldn’t see me.

Then I started eating myself into the size of an overstuffed whale,

thinking that if I could get fat enough,

they wouldn’t look at me.

Why?

Because like millions of others I lived in a state of DENIAL.

I LIED.

To the world,

and worse of all,

to myself.

It’s so easy.

Aren’t we taught to lie at school by giving them their well-rehearsed answers to get the pass mark even when we questioned the validity of what we wrote?

Weren’t we taught to lie at home by telling our parents what we knew what they wanted to hear so that we could receive a Christmas present under the tree?

Okay let’s not even go to the other places we lied shall we?

This socially accepted pattern of bullshit,

is in fact keeping society weak!

When a building is out of integrity,

it crumbles.

When your mind is out of integrity.

YOU crumble.

You think you can’t cope on your own,

so you seek assistance in whatever your drug of choice.

You think that there’s something wrong with you for being afraid to show up fully,

so you numb the pain with procrastination.

You believe that you’re different from everyone else,

because look,

they’re so confident,

they MUST not have fear.

Tis not true.

I learned that the power of the high achiever,

lies in the harnessing of fear.

That’s right.

Fear has energy too.

And it’s not the weak-ass energy you think it is.

Instead Darling,

when you face that beast,

when you acknowledge her,

when you take her into your arms and make sweet love to her,

until your limbs tremble,

like a woman,

she opens up and,

she rains upon you sweet adrenaline,

a potent power of increased speed, clarity of thought, your body goes into superhero state.

Hmmm hmmm hmmmm.

Fear is NOT your enemy.

Denial is.

The secret to success is to drop your fear around fear.

Because when you push her away,

you feed her some bad joob-joob.

You tell yourself stories that turns her into a monster,

to the point where you can’t move,

can’t breathe,

fish out of water,

and then you blame FEAR for your incapacitated state.

When you stand on a cold beach,

surrounded by the baddest of the badasses,

ready to embark on a super-human challenge of the body, the mind, the soul,

and you see the fear reflected shamelessly in their eyes,

you KNOW,

that the only cowards,

are not your fellow travellers who tremble,

but the spectators who are too scared to

feel the fear and do it anyway.

EVERYONE feels fear.

Only those committed to victory CHOOSE to acknowledge and harness the power of their fear.

So Darling,

where the fuck are you still cowering like a little bitch in front of the stories you have about your fear?

Where in your business are you not showing up in ALL of your magnificent glory,

because of your fear of failure?

Where in your health are you not pushing till you puke,

because you fear you’re going to die?

Where in your relationships are you not ASKING for ALL your needs to be satisfied,

because of your fear of rejection?

Where in your life are you playing SMALL,

because of your fear that you will be seen as too much?

And don’t tell me that’s not you!

Don’t tell me that you’re not afraid.

Because if you have zero fear in your life,

you’re DEAD.

What?

You fear I’m going to think less of you for admitting you’re afraid?

Hell, I’m afraid every day.

Every time I post a blog.

Every time I do a Live.

Every time I publish a video.

Every time I step on a stage.

Every time I get to the start line.

Every time I go out in the dark.

Every time I connect with another that I deeply respect.

I simply acknowledge my fear,

I hold my hand out,

and I thank her for being my constant companion,

and then,

I do it anyway.

What I’m NOT afraid of,

is dying.

For I have existed in a state of denial,

and that’s worse than death.

Thriving truly is the only choice available for the brave.

With love,

Anel.

PS:  If you’re ready to be liberated from your fear around fear, let’s talk.