Hmmmm, where to start.
It’s taken me a very long time to publicly own the fact that I’m spiritually guided on my journey. That I dabble with faerie dust and magic. That I talk with my angels (and my dogs, and the wall, and the voices in my head).
I always thought I was hiding my truth because I didn’t want to be judged as ‘evil’ by others – which they probably still do anyway.
However I’m starting to suspect it might be because I’ve been gifted with cause to pause by many ‘light workers’ the same way I was gifted with reason to go within by many christians all those years ago.
You see Darling, in my world of daffodils and unicorns all is guided by love. The moment I experience something different from ‘leaders’ I question.
My God is all love and therefor he or she loves and supports me unconditionally. Everything happens for me. For my highest and greatest good. So that I may receive the learning I’ve requested on this path in service of others.
In my world there is no hell.
In my world there’s no lighting striking me down when I swear or black running through my veins because I have tattoos.
And people wonder why I’m so happy…
Maybe for a moment then you can have understanding for my sadness all those decades ago, sitting in a church where I was being preached how bad I am and that I was being judged by the Almighty Father all the time. Keeping score of my good and bad like Santa Clause deciding my eternal fate.
So I turned away from the preachings of the church to find my own truth – one that resonates with the knowing inside of me.
No, I’m not saying I’m right and they’re wrong. This is simply what is right for me and if it turns out I’m wrong I give them full permission to say “I told you so” as my ass is dragged through the gates of hell.
For a while I had no identity for my faith.
I was just a wanderer.
Being human we’re driven biologically with a longing to belong. So eventually I gave in to this longing and identified myself along with those who call themselves spiritual. It was the closest thing I could find at the time.
Yet I’ve come to realise that even in this clan appearances can be deceiving.
I’ve found all too often that those who look spiritual and speak spiritual don’t necessarily live spiritual. Very much the same as I found in the christian community.
There’s still some who drive with fear.
I take issue with people getting on a pedestal and driving those around them with fear to further their own cause.
How about we all just own our shit and admit that we’re flawed as fuck and doing the best we can thereby equalling out the playing ground for all.
At least then people will stop looking to some for the answers instead of looking within to find their truth.
Then people will have a look around and see who is going in the same direction to have company for a while without any false expectations of being saved by the ‘one’ along the way.
What really brought this home for me was an angel consultation website. Normally I don’t waste my time, but I was in a playful mood yesterday so I checked in with my team who said, yes go for it. We can send you a message through this. So I did.
And it started off great.
Uplifting and positive and full of love.
That’s where their message stopped.
Then it came:
“the angels have put you to the test. They want to know whether you really want to know a better life, or if you would rather keep drowning in your problems. Yes, it is a test. And to pass this test with flying colors, you just need to” buy my product.
Are you for real?
First of all I’m not drowning in problems at all! I’m probably one of the most blessed people I know. Miracles unfold in my life on a daily basis and I’m astounded by how loved and supported I feel at all times.
Secondly MY angels aren’t testing me. They love me unconditionally. And where there is love there cannot be fear (A Course In Miracles).
Please explain to me why on earth a light worker would feel the need to use fear to promote the work of a loving universe?
Then the cherry on top:
“This email must stay a secret between us and the world of the angels. Do not tell anyone else about it, for it might disturb the action of the forces above!”
I’m not making this shit up! This is word for word.
NOW you might have heard me say before that in my humble opinion the darkness on earth is nothing more but the absence of information which is the nesting ground of fear. Think about it – everything that you truly fear is out of uncertainty.
Yet you as a bringer of light want to tell me that I must keep this secret otherwise the angels are going to go on strike and let me ‘drown in my problems’.
This morning as I was journaling I asked for a channeled message as I was feeling rather uneasy about the whole thing.
The message was loud and clear – love is the only truth.
Focus on love for in the presence of love there is no fear.
Not that I’ll never feel fear again. I hope that’s not the case anyway. Because I’m not done living yet and I have a lot of exploring to do and yes that brings uncertainty which brings fear.
I can always go into the scary places and then reconnect with love.
Isn’t that way more exciting?
Well it is for me.
Then again my husband told me last week that I’m a bit of a masochist so maybe don’t take my word for it.
Which brings me to my point today – question everything and everyone! Question what you’re being told not out of disrespect but out of love. For you already know all the true answers for yourself within but if you never take the time to check in, you’ll end up following the mindless crowd and god only knows where you’re going to wake up eventually.
Question yourself all the time. I do frequent check-ins and sometimes I go back in my journal and laugh my ass off at some of the shit that flowed out of my pen. No judgement. No shame. It’s all part of the journey. If I was still thinking the same and held the same beliefs I did eight months ago I would get worried. Because I’ve done shit tons of growth this year so of course my stories have changed! Hallelujah.
Always go back to love. That is your true compass.
Which means judging everyone for their actions is kinda stupid as well by the way.
I don’t judge the ‘angel communicator’. I thank her for giving me pause to question and once again reconnect with my own truth.
I don’t judge the church. I thank them for giving cause to go within and find my own truth.
And I’m not saying all christians and all spiritual people are the same either. However that is an unfortunate social byproduct of labels. We tend to put them all in the same little box.
Hmmmm. Maybe it’s time for me to stop seeing boxes. Maybe that’s my next level of growth. Interesting – haven’t thought of that before…
For now I’ll just continue to be a spiritually guided wanderer exploring life.
It just feels right.
How about you?
Has this piece given you pause to think just for a moment?
Maybe it has and maybe for you it’s been an awesome confirmation of your beliefs and path.
Maybe it’s just been a trigger for a whole new period of questioning and exploring.
As always there’s no right or wrong. Just right or wrong for you.
For death is inevitable. But how we choose to live is a choice.
With love always,
PS: Yesterday we kicked off an exciting six week journey of exploration, questioning, healing and personal empowerment in Courage, Clarity and Confidence. It’s filled with provocative questions and sharing of my tools and processes for all to try. It’s a journey taken with like-minded warriors who are ready to break the patterns of fear and shame so they will speak their truth with clarity and confidence. For I believe every person here has a powerful message to be heard. I’m keeping the doors open for you this week for those who are hearing the call from within. Coming?