Who hasn’t said it at some time?
I’ve made a mistake.
Who hasn’t heard it at some time?
Learn from my mistakes.
So let’s investigate this for a moment.
The definition as given by the all-knowing Google is that a mistake is an act or judgement that is misguided or wrong.
I want to question this definition and by default the word.
You know by now that I believe in my soul that everything happens FOR us.
The good, the bad, and the miserable as shit.
I also believe everything in your world that you see and experience is based upon the stories in your head that drive the decisions you make which leads to action which then has a resulting outcome.
I add in experience because this is an internal force based on emotion. So even though sometimes there’s evidence based on a global action, how we experience it is a choice.
You can sit and bitch and moan like an old hag OR you can have excited expectations of what can happen next or you can have concern that triggers innovative solutions etc.
But let me get back to those choices.
I choose to believe that life is one big mother of an adventure – a journey filled to the brim with learning opportunities that continuously has me going inside to find meaning, connections, growth.
That’s my choice.
It’s for this reason that I don’t believe in mistakes.
Instead the only mistake I see people making all the time is to say that they’ve made a mistake.
No Darling, you’ve made a choice, a decision, taken an action which resulted in an outcome that hurts like a motherfucker and instead of sitting your ass down, taking full responsibility and thereby empowering yourself to find the learning so you can make a different choice next time which will result in a different outcome, you sit stewing in regret.
Except since you’re not learning that certain behaviours will continuously lead to certain outcomes, you continue to do the same shit over and over and over again expecting the Universe to come and sprinkle some fairy dust on your derriere and magically bring about change that will then make you happy!
Or even worst, you start believing that stuff outside of you will make you happy!
When I have more money I will be happy.
When I have more friends I will be happy.
When I lose weight I will be happy.
When my spouse treats me like a goddess I will be happy.
When I retire I will be happy.
NOTHING CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY! HAPPINESS IS AN INSIDE JOB!
Believing anything else – THAT is a mistake!
It’s a mistake because you’re not connecting the dots and not getting the learning.
I don’t know how else to say this.
I don’t know how to better explain myself.
Who knows where this lie started? All I know is somewhere along the line somebody started spreading the bullshit that when you are more successful, live in a bigger house, drive a fancier car, make more money, you will be happy.
It’s not true!
It’s really not.
I’m not saying poverty will make you happy either.
What I’m saying is every fucking morning I wake up and I DECIDE I’M HAPPY!
Every fucking morning.
Because there was a time in my life when I bought into all the bullshit.
There was a time when I believed the lies that I within and of myself am not enough. That I am flawed and fucked up and not worthy of love or happiness or grace. That for me to be a good person I had to conform and twist my soul in some obscene way to make others happy and when I make others happy Jesus will smile upon me.
I believed all this shit and I was beyond miserable.
What was the use?
I’m ugly. I’m fat. I have really small tits. I always say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I’m outspoken. I think too much. I have tattoos. I have cellulite. I swear like a sailor.
I’m just all wrong.
Nobody can ever love me.
I am not deserving of love.
So I kept smothering the pain with more chocolate, pizza, bread, anything I could get my hands on.
I kept drowning the sorrow with more wine, beer, whiskey, rum, tequila.
I inhaled my illusive salvation with Benson and Hedges Special Mild.
I was slitting my wrists and slowly bleeding to death except nobody could see my wounds.
Because they were too busy chasing the shit they think will make them happy.
Oh dear lord, please share the learning I’ve had in this experience and the choices I made.
Here I sit at my kitchen counter in God’s country and I’m phenomenally happy.
Not because of my business.
Not because of the money in my bank accounts.
Not because I have an epic yoga session booked and a powerful client meeting lined up.
Not because I make people happy – in fact I piss people off most days.
But because I woke up and I decided I am happy.
Nobody is going to take that away from me.
I will make this choice for the rest of my life because it makes me thrive and it gives me all the power which ultimately is my truth.
I think it would be very hard for me to be happy if I had to sit every day and look at everything in my life which is not ‘perfect’ according to other people’s standards. I think it would be hard if I had to sit at night and beat myself over the head for all the fuck-ups I’ve made along the way – all the ‘mistakes’. I think it would be very hard for me to be happy if I decided to measure my happiness by anything outside of myself
Because let’s just say that more money really does make you happy – hypothetically. Well how much more money do you need to get how much more happier? Is it dollar for dollar? So if some debit order went off during the night and my bank balance is a little less today than it was yesterday now I’m a little less happy? And then when the market crashes and there is a recession and I lose all my money now there is no hope in hell that I’m going to feel happy today? What’s the fucking point then?
But hey, this is just my opinion.
I do want to invite you today to do some serious introspection around this – if you’re ready and if you feel it’s the right thing to do. Otherwise just delete this piece from your mind and move on.
But if my words are triggering you then ask yourself these questions:
- What if I made no mistakes? What if it was all part of a journey that got me to this chair in this moment? What have I learned from the decisions I have made along the way?
- If I’ve made some choices that has resulted in less than satisfactory results, what would be alternative choices I can make going forward? (No use of asking what other choices I could have made. It’s done. Dusted. History. You can’t change it. You can learn from it. Move on.)
- What will it take for me to choose to be happy? Is that something inside of me or outside of me? Does that make me feel empowered or does it make me feel at the mercy of someone else? I don’t know about you but I’m done giving my power away to others. My life Baby. My life.
- Do you choose to feel happy right here, right now?
I look back on my life and I’ve made some interesting choices to say the least.
Some of them have had me sobbing, screaming, clawing, dying.
But I didn’t die.
I didn’t stay down.
I chose to fucking rise.
You can too.
It’s all a choice.
Death is inevitable.
But thriving is a choice.
With love eternal,
PS: Here’s what I know – if you have read this far AND you’re one of the 0.0000001% who will actually take the action and do the introspection, then you’re ready for Courage, Clarity and Confidence. Because this is where we do the work that matters. The work that most shy away from. The work whereby you take full ownership of your life and your choices. The work whereby you forgive and release. The work whereby you connect to your purpose and your message and the passion burns so hot inside of you that you share it with confidence and impact. But only if you’re prepared to do the work. Half-assing it and expecting results is not going to cut it. Not in Courage, Clarity and Confidence. Are you one of the 0.00000001% Darling? We’re waiting for you.