I have the ultimate love-hate relationship with technology.
I love the fact that I’m constantly connecting with the most fascinating, inspirational people all around the world through technology. I love the fact that I don’t have to rely on the postal system to connect with those I love on a daily basis. I love the fact that at the click of a button I can sit in the living room of a soul sister in New York City and talk about everything and anything for more than an hour.
I love that.
I hate the complexity of technology and the fact that I’m always ten steps behind.
I also hate the constant noise that at times become so overwhelming that I just want to get on my bike and ride for days, completely secluded from everyone and everything.
I just want to hear my own thoughts again.
I want to look at myself in the mirror and not compare myself to all the images I’m constantly bombarded with.
I hate the fact that every now and again I find myself pulled into the addiction of FOMO. Checking my inbox, checking my feeds, how many have liked my posts, how many have unsubscribed.
It drives me nuts!
It makes me doubt myself.
It feeds my insecurity until I find myself shrinking into the shadows.
And let’s admit it, it’s not hard to feed the beast of ‘Not Good Enough’. I would wager that this is our number one remembering as humans. The fact that we are good enough. Just as we are. Nothing else needed.
But it’s really hard to remember when we go online and see the polished image of others who appear to be have the answers to true success and happiness. Even though on one level we know that the image is the work of an entire team of professionals who staged it all for a moment of ‘inspired perfection’ there is another level where we convince ourselves that the captured moment is a reflection of their norm (hey maybe it is!). We convince ourselves that the radiant smiles is an indication that they have discovered something that we are still floundering with so we start focusing on them to the point where sometimes we forget who we are and instead we chameleon into a copy of those we admire.
I suspect this has been perpetuated by technology.
Because if you think about it modelling is probably as old as time.
But it’s changed.
Modelling started as apprenticeship whereby the learner would model the skills required for their craft. The focus was on the mechanics.
Then we received the gift of books and we could absorb the thought processes of those we greatly admired. Modelling their beliefs thereby building a new foundation upon which to live.
Now we have media. I feel the danger is that instead of researching the behind the scenes reality that allows the person to show up in that way, we’re tempted to simply copy the end results and then think we’ll bring the same depth of work to society as those who walked a long journey to get to this point.
I do believe in the power of modelling and collapsing the timeline.
But what’s the price we are paying by focusing on the image instead of the learning?
Personally I’ve fallen into this trap on more than one occasion.
I would get hooked by the ‘branded image’ of a person and instead of delving deeper to discover the possible alignment of values and definitions, I would look at my ordinary reflection and judge myself as lesser than. This would result in a frantic scurry to change as quickly as I could so that I can look ‘better’.
Except it wasn’t better.
It wasn’t sustainable.
It was exhausting because I’m a person not a brand. I have no desire to be a brand. Sorry to disappoint you but I just want to be myself.
Ever changing and evolving.
I want to wear fluffy pj’s and sweaty cycling kit and torn jeans and sexy black numbers.
Some days I want to ride my bike and dance and sing off key and coach and love and fight and run and write and practice the hard yoga poses.
Other days I want to curl up on the couch and read my book, drink hot chocolate, meditate, soak up the sun, walk by the beach and chat to my boys.
I want to be all of me.
I’ve never desired to be one-dimensional and if I’m completely honest the only reason I ever got caught up in this trap is because I wanted your approval. I wanted you to like me. I wanted to feel good enough for you.
Well Honey, I love you but I have no desire to be perfect, not even for you.
I want to fuck up and learn.
I want to sometimes say the most inappropriate things that makes my mom blush.
I’m here to upset the apple cart, to push buttons, to make people stop for a moment and think.
But I’m also here to LIVE my life in a way that has me exhilarated and crazy and having fun!
My life purpose is about waking up those who are tired of existence and nobody ever wakes up whilst being lulled in soothing arms of comfort.
Well I didn’t anyway.
I woke up because the pain pierced my dulled senses with such might that I had no choice but to respond.
Not that I have any intention of hurting people.
Existence is enough pain.
I believe we need to be willing to get uncomfortable and embrace our imperfection as our perfection.
I believe it’s time we get triggered by the mirrors held up by others with the intention of introspection and ultimate healing.
God knows I’m triggered daily! My first response is always outrage – how dare they? But ultimately my soul brings me back to my truth. She makes me take a look inside and investigate the mirror of that which I haven’t wanted to see within myself up to this point.
It’s a pain in the ass.
It’s such an amazing blessing.
So here I am – wrinkles and scars and cellulite and greying hairs (okay not those, Kaylene will keep on colouring those).
Some days I’m going to show up and kick your ass.
Some days I’m just going to have a good old chin wag.
I have moods and insecurities and more personalities than the fathers of psychology have identified.
If you want to unsubscribe, I get it! Completely. And I respect that choice.
I’m just going to keep on writing my daily truth. Using my voice knowing the pitch will change at times.
And maybe later you’ll come back and see what else I’ve been up to.
Maybe you’re ready to do the same.
Maybe you’re ready to stop being a brand and start being a person again. Hanging your ass out there for all to judge. Knowing that there will be those who don’t get it. Those who think that what you look like matters more than your journey of self-discovery. Those who want to the answers rather than getting the inside scoop of a wanderer.
My wish is simply that whatever you choose, will have you thrive.
For the opposite of thrive is exist – and for me, that is worst than death.
With love always,
One crazy ass wanderer
PS: Coaching saved my life. It was the one healing modality that empowered me to stop focusing on the desperate attempt of finding all the answers out there and to start unlocking the wisdom within. This is the gift that I continue to bring to my clients. There’s been such a tremendous shift in global energy over the past few months and I’m watching with excitement as more and more people are awakening and thirsting for their wisdom. If this is the time where you feel called to connect with your greater purpose and to do the work you came here to do, I’m here to hold the space for you to do so with confidence and courage. I’ve opened my practice to a handful of new private clients with whom to journey for a period of six month. If you feel called to work with me at this time drop me a mail or book a consult today.