Your whole life is controlled by two things: your beliefs and values – Tony Robbins
Animals have totally got this sorted. If something causes them pain they:
- Run from it
- Kill it
- Let it kill them
- Fight it
- Leave it alone
- Avoid it in the future
As humans, we have a tendency to take the pain, accept it as our lot, dose ourselves up with painkillers and try to avoid it if we can. The difference being, we have the ability to change how we react to it, whereas for animals it is automatic.
Values are the same. They have the potential to cause us pain as well as pleasure. Tony Robbins summed it up well when he said, “The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.”
Controlling Your Values
Everyone has values. They’re the important things we hold to tightly and which guide our daily lives. They’ll either cause us pleasure or pain, with the ends value the one we want to work towards achieving.
Tony Robbins, (can you guess I’m a bit of a fan!), talks about values in terms of moving towards values and moving away values. So let’s did deeper into those areas.
Moving Towards Values
Now we’re getting to the good stuff. These are the values that give us pleasure. We’re going to try everything we can to achieve these end values because it feels good and we are highly motivated to work with them. Even within these moving towards values, there are some which we rate more highly than others. Love truly does conquer all and it remains one of the most valued emotions we have, yet there is nothing wrong with ranking freedom above power or health above success either.
Moving Away from Values
When you hate something, you don’t want to do it and unfortunately there are some values which damn well cause you pain. Rejection, depression and loneliness are some examples of these values which we really don’t want to experience and will do anything to avoid. Your moving away from value would be that you hate being lonely and in order to avoid this, you’ll need to redirect it to the moving towards value of you like having a certain someone’s company.
Have You Lost Your Marbles?
I don’t know if you ever played marbles as a child, but I remember it as throwing one of my marbles at another and if I hit it, I got to keep it. Values are like marbles in that we can keep throwing them around in our lives and either ‘win’ the marble or ‘lose’ the marble depending on our choices.
Society today seems to have lost touch with their values, resulting in misery, depression and the sub-conscious sabotage of our goals.
So I guess what I’m saying, it you really need to check if your marbles are the ones you want to keep or not. Or your values, same thing really.