I wish I could make you feel better by saying that there was a time when I was really a nice girl.
Truth be told I was probably just born a little rebel who didn’t conform and so was labelled a bitch as far back as I can remember. The times that I was ‘well behaved’ or did what was considered ‘nice’ was just me playing the game for some reason or another. Whether that was to stay out of trouble (ha ha, I was in shit a lot) or wanting to get my way.
I’m everything your mother didn’t want you to be.
I’m strong willed and don’t bow down to ‘authority’ when I think they’re being full of shit.
I would rather be working on my business which is my way of living my purpose than working on temporary relationships.
I would rather be at home on a Friday night resting for the long ride tomorrow than out partying.
I feel empathy for people but I’m yet to find a sympathetic bone in my body.
This has been me as far back as I can remember.
I started dancing at the age of six and the moment I put on that first pair of ballet slippers, I didn’t want to waste time playing with the other little girls. I wanted to train.
I was the weird girl who could somehow hang with the cool kids even though I didn’t do any sports or go to any parties. Maybe they thought it was cool to be seen with the weird kid.
Every time people tell me that I’m not a nice person and I ask them why, it tends to be because I didn’t drop everything that I’m busy with, everything that’s important to me, and paid attention to them. Or I didn’t say the thing they wanted me to say to validate them or make them feel good in some way.
It’s because I didn’t want to let them in for coffee when they were bored and lonely and instead I selfishly wanted to do additional preparation for a client or create something new for my soul tribe. It’s because I didn’t blow smoke up their sensitive bums instead of speaking my truth.
To make things even more complex for me, I simply don’t fucking get it! I really don’t. I never just drop in for coffee – not even when I lived next to my mom. I would phone first and find out if she’s got time or if she’s busy. I never invite people to go out when I know they’re deep into achieving their next level goal. I get really irritated with people for pulling the punches and not telling me their truth – do they really think I can’t handle it?
Fuck that shit Baby. I’m an IronMan. I’m a SkyRunner. I’ve been to the dark side and I came back through boxing a bag. I can handle it. Yes, it will sting and my eyes may water from the pain. Hell I might even cry. But ultimately no matter what truth you give me, I will always go inside and ask myself “is this really true for me?” And if it is, I will give myself a good kick up the ass and take action around it. And if not, I will let it go.
I personally think nothing could be nicer than if people stopped lying. Nothing could be nicer than if people stopped wasting their own time and the time of others and actually started getting on fire with the passion of their purpose. I think it would be awesome if people would start sorting out their shit by doing the work necessary to effect change instead of spreading their misery and drama around to every Tom, Dick and Annabella.
So this begs the question, am I really not a nice person OR am I the nicest person you will ever get to meet when I close the door in your face because you dropped by unannounced with your baby in a buggy and your dog on a leash – just because you didn’t have anything better to do. Maybe me not letting you in (as was clearly unexpected) was the wake-up call you needed to ask yourself why you’re feeling bored.
Damn I can’t remember EVER feeling bored.
How the hell do people have time to be bored?
Oh wait I lie – actually every social I dragged myself to for the sake of keeping the peace and then having to listen to a bunch of drunk people telling me how fucked up their relationships, their money, their jobs, their lives are and that drinking is the only way they can find happiness. That’s boring as hell.
Needless to say that my conversations don’t last long at these events. It kinda goes like this:
Other person – “Oh woe is me”
Me – “If you don’t like your life maybe it’s time to look at the choices you’re making. Ultimately you are the creator of everything around you. You don’t like what you see? Pull your finger out your sweet ass and start doing something about it.”
Other person – “Oh”.
End of conversation. They walk to the next person who gives them a sympathetic ear and they both end up drowning themselves. One for their sorrows. The other because they’re bored silly by the drama but too nice a person to walk away.
I’m sorry but I have way too much love and respect for humanity to be false just so you will like me. Love me or hate me. With me you will always know what you get and what I do and say is from a place of deep love.
Does this mean I get called bitch a lot? Oh yes. But I chose to re-frame it as a compliment because it means I don’t kiss ass Darling.
Are you pretending to be a nice person as defined by the masses for not other reason other than to be liked?
Maybe you’re just genuinely a caring and loving person and your purpose is to always be available to others. Then go for it!
But if you’re not, if being nice is just a way to stay distracted from your true ambitions and purpose, if it’s a way of playing small, then now is the time to stop being nice and start being impactful.
This truly is the greatest gift you can give to people.
Because if they are your people, chances are they’re not very ‘nice’ either.
Personally I much prefer to hang with my bitchy besties on appointment than killing time with strangers.
Because ultimately you’re going to die anyway. And all those people who came for coffee because they were bored, they will go on existing none the wiser.
But if you want to thrive, you have to choose to honor your truth and your personal brand of ‘nice’.
PS: I’m in the process of changing my entire business model which will be launched shortly. This new model will make working with me privately a rare experience, never mind 30 days at the incredibly low investment of $450! If you know in your heart of hearts that I’m the coach who is going to whip your ass and your life into shape through my unwavering belief in you, my blunt honesty and my action-orientated approach, then you want to check out Kick-Start today. If you need a few weeks to build up the courage to get started that’s cool, but you only have until the 30th to grab it at $450. Check out the details here and let’s play Darling.
PPS: Wanna hang with some rebels who are here to make a difference without all the rules? Then come join us on Facebook at Business Rebels.