Shame – is there any emotion that trumps this bitch when it comes to ripping your self worth right out of your skin, dragging you through the mud and leaving you in a heaving heap of destruction?
I don’t think so.
It’s one of those emotion I don’t think we escape lightly.
Not in our culture anyway.
And with the availability of mass exposure on social media it’s become easier than ever to Shame people from a safe place of anonymity – which means all the fuck nuts with small testicles come out in drones!
As a Three on the Enneagram (Personality Typology) my core emotion is shame.
That’s right Darling.
I know her more intimately than most.
I’m that slave driven by her sweet voice of seduction only to have her shaft me up the arse, leaving with her laughter ringing in my ears whilst I try desperately to scrape my shreds of self off the floor and crawl out the side door.
Or that is what I used to do.
I’ ve reached a point today where I look at the heartache, the heartbreak, the merciless destruction this dark bitch leaves in her wake and I’m drawing a line in the sand.
I’m taking back my power.
I’m taking Shame and putting her on a leash and I’m putting that hussy in her place.
By my side.
Where she belongs.
No longer towering over me.
But in service to me.
Which I’m starting to think is what she was meant to be all along.
After all, Shame is nothing but an emotion.
A powerful one.
But still just an emotion.
She can’t really hurt me unless I let her.
She can’t break my bones. She can’t make me fat. She can’t kill me.
Only I can do those things.
So why is it that we have become such victims to our emotions thereby taking the force of good within them and transforming them into forces of evil?
I don’t have an answer for you.
What I do know is that like most people I encounter I was taught there are good things to feel which somehow means I’m a good person, a strong person, and there’s some emotions that when I admit to feeling them by default I’m a bad person, a weak person. When I talk about them I make others uncomfortable and they don’t want to play with me. They shun me.
And that stings like a motherfucker.
Because I was taught that I must show up in a way that makes people like me.
Like = Good.
Me = Bad.
And I know that Shame was used a shit ton to keep me in my place.
Along with her brother Fear.
Who brought along his little bastard son Abuse.
And for so long I have stood trembling before them.
Even as I defiantly pushed my chin out and bravely tried to look them in the eyes, they could smell the stench of Fear dripping down my thighs and they would salivate for the feast they knew was about to start.
I see this in so many of my courageous clients.
People who are here to bring about magnificent change and healing, bravely show up again and again and again. Fighting for sanity. Fighting to take back their power.
Well Darling here it is.
I woke up this morning with the understanding that Shame was never meant to keep us in chains.
She’s a reminder for us to wake the fuck up and start questioning the insanity of all we’ve been taught by other slaves to emotions.
The distorted image I’ve had of her all this time was nothing but a figment of my imagination.
I was reminded that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR ME.
LIFE IS IN SERICE TO ME SO I CAN BE IN POWERFUL SERVICE TO OTHERS.
EMOTIONS ARE MY SUPER POWER OF AWAKENING.
They were never meant to be used in the indoctrination of humanity. We did that all by ourselves.
Shame is a powerful reminder of my values. A beacon that shows me when I’m living in alignment to all that I hold dear in life or if I’ve gone off track. So when her cold whisper strokes my ear I have the opportunity to look up because sometimes when we get tired we stop thinking and we just go autopilot. So I look up and I go “Oh shit, I’m off track” and I get my ass back on my soul path.
But somebody figured this shit out and they started using THEIR values to enforce Shame onto others. They trained us by Shaming us in public until we got so fucking confused we forgot our own truth and accepted theirs. Because the pain became too much.
What does this result in?
Complete disempowerment and unquestioning loyalty to the demands of the faceless puppeteers.
Instead of using Shame to keep ourselves on our soul paths we believe bullshit Stories which has us retreating into Hiding thereby ensuring we Act in a Mediocre fashion resulting in Existence.
Existence is worse than death.
I’ve done the whole Stepford Wife existence thingy (If you don’t know what I’m talking about go watch the movie).
Existence can kiss my sagging 44 year old ass.
I choose to be a ‘bad girl’ instead.
Because apparently bad girls have way more fun.
We break the ‘rules’.
We have orgies with Shame and Fear leaving them exhausted on the floor whilst putting on our cleats to go for a ride.
We do the work.
The real work.
We think for ourselves.
We understand that we matter.
Our values are what’s most important to us and it’s different to everyone else’s values. And we’re cool with that.
We know we are good enough to do the work we came here to do. And that everything that has been turned into tools of enslavement of the masses are our tools of empowerment.
Starting with emotions Baby.
Start loving your emotions.
All of them!
They all matter.
They’re all your friends.
Voldemort only had power over those too afraid to name him.
It’s exactly the same with emotions.
So here goes –
Hi. My name is Anel Bester. And I fucking FEEL! I feel every goddamn emotion available to humanity. I feel sad. I feel mad. I feel terrified at times. I feel shame. I feel joy. I feel love. I feel anger. I feel intimidated at times. I feel unworthy at times. I feel like a fraud at times. I feel worthy at times. I feel fat some days. I feel strong other days. Some days I feel betrayed. Some days I feel supported. I feel lonely. I feel in flow. I feel safe. I feel scared. I feel hurt. I feel free. I feel restricted. I feel empowered. I feel everything that you have ever felt – whether you have acknowledged those feeling to yourself or not.
Fuck that felt good.
Try it – I dare you.
Hit me a reply or type it in the comments – what do you feel? All of it.
Own your shit.
It’s all yours.
It’s all in service to you.
But only if you’re willing to get out of the passenger seat.
It’s your fucking life Darling.
Get back in the driver’s seat for God’s sake!
Why on earth are we so willing to cram into the overfull taxis’ and pray that some incompetent stranger doesn’t crash taking us all to hell?
Oh yes, because we’re afraid.
Well put a t-spoon of cement in your coffee and Harden The Fuck Up princess.
We don’t have much more time for this shit.
If you’re in my tribe, in my energy, you’re here for a reason.
You have a ginormous life purpose whether you want to own that shit or not.
And the longer you diddle daddle the longer others are suffering because they don’t own what you’ve got.
Do you understand?
You ARE special.
You ARE stronger than the average people.
I know I know – that sounds boastful.
Because someone from the Ass Squad told you not to own how awesome your really are.
Rise Darling RISE!
It’s your time now.
You ARE ready for the next step now.
Death is coming.
You can choose to thrive.
With love always,
PS: Tomorrow I’m closing the doors of Courage, Clarity and Confidence. Yes it will run again but it will be different. It always is. That’s because the participants change the experience. And maybe you’re not meant to be in this group. But maybe you are and you’ve just been sitting on the fence because you’re actually terrified of taking the first step. If that’s the case then I want to encourage you today to just fucking do it! Stop overthinking and just jump Darling. I know it sounds crazy but every epic thing that’s ever happened to me was when I stopped thinking and just committed to the thing that I feared the most within 20 seconds. So if Courage, Clarity and Confidence scares you a little, do it! If not, don’t.