The difference between wanting and DECIDING…

This message could be a little more challenging to receive for most.

As always,

it might come across a little confrontational,

chances are there will be triggers.

Well,

I’ll leave that in your hands.

 

I do feel it’s important for us to have this conversation

as I’m just kinda over women, and men,

behaving as if they’re 5 years old.

Constantly whining about what they want,

whilst never having the self-belief to just

fucking decide

what they’re having next,

and then becoming unavailable for anything else.

 

It took me a long time to even recognise this behaviour in myself,

simply because I never had any models of decisiveness.

 

Raised in a middle-class home (like so many others) where I had to ask for as little as possible,

and hope to god it was okay to ask for it.

That it didn’t make anyone else feel bad when they had to say no,

because,

you know,

there was never any money.

There was always a risk of either walking away riddled with guilt caused by the hurt in my mother’s eyes,

or scurrying away in fear,

tail between my legs,

as I unleashed the angry resentful monster in my sperm-donor for making him feel like a failure.

 

A pattern I recreated in my marriage on so many levels it’s ridiculous.

 

Plus,

when I DID want something bad enough to ask for it,

or rather,

ask for permission as I would pay for it with my own money,

I was bombarded with ‘logic’ as to why this was a stupid, selfish, inconsiderate thing to spend my money on.

OR

I would ask and I would be given something SIMILAR to what I desired,

just the cheaper version,

or a different colour,

or a hand-me-down.

 

Is it any wonder that I reached a point of no longer asking for what I wanted.

Not even from the Universe…

 

That’s a pretty depressing and hopeless space in which to exist my Darling.

For we always receive our expectations

which means

when we expect nothing

we receive…

yes, you’ve got it,

NOTHING.

When we expect to receive disappointment,

we receive,

disappointing shit.

 

Today I’m going to say

THANK FUCK

for amazing women such as Katrina Ruth, Rebecca T. Dickson, Layla Martin and Gina DeVee;

and before all their haters jump on – I too got triggered by them at times when life wasn’t going according to my expectations and it was easier to turn my nose up than look in the mirror and guess what – nobody’s fart smells like lavender.

They were some of my greatest role models and coaches in what is possible when a woman gives herself permission to just DECIDE that she’s going to have

whatever the hell she desires.

Period.

The end.

 

As I started working with these coaches,

previously mostly in secret as my ex would have had a complete shit-fit if he knew the investments I was making in myself,

I realised that for me to have all I desire,

I had to stop being a petulant toddler and

DECIDE that I WILL have what I want,

how I want it,

when I want it,

and simply no longer settle for anything less.

From a space of pure empowerment and love.

 

More importantly,

and I feel this is the missing piece for so many,

I had to DECIDE that I WAS THAT WOMAN.

I had to COMMIT to BEING that woman,

and continue to commit to being my next best self,

every

single

day.

 

NON-FUCKING-NEGOTOABLE.

 

I had to learn to decide for myself

and NOT discuss my decisions with the wrong people.

Why?

Because they would inevitably pressure me NOT to do what felt aligned and exciting for me.

I would always be warned against the size of my ambitions,

as my past ‘failures’ would be brought up time and again as evidence of my bad decision making abilities,

or I would be told I was already so overworked and burning out that I needed to ease up on myself,

and of course it would always be followed with

because they loved me and simply didn’t want to see me getting hurt

or that they believed in me and I can do it on my own.

 

Well,

I know I can do it on my own,

and I choose NOT to.

I CHOOSE to have exquisite support from people ahead in the game I choose to play.

Because I deserve it.

 

And so do you.

 

Each time that you second guess your desires,

your decisions,

giving in to the pressure of others,

YOU LOSE FAITH IN YOURSELF.

Fuck that shit!

 

So here’s my invitation to you today,

and it’s going to feel uncomfortable,

your ego is going to go off like a mad banshee,

tell your ego to shut the fuck up:

 

Where are you not giving yourself permission to RECEIVE all you TRULY desire?

Where are you still talking about what you want, yet you have not fully COMMITTED to having it?

Where are you not BEING the woman who knows what she wants,  decides that she WILL have it, and then showing up as her.

Like an empress

who look at those who oppose her will and command

‘OFF WITH THEIR HEADS’.

 

#RiseAlphaFemales

 

At the end of the day the world has more than enough codependent men and women

who have given up on their true desires

as those around them choose mediocrity.

The world has more than enough women who play in the shadow of her partner’s ego

so as not to upset the apple cart

and hunny,

I know what that feels like and I know how much it hurts every time you dare stand up for yourself,

I’ve been on the floor so many times there’s lines ingrained on my body.

The world has more than enough men and women who try desperately to hide their disappointment

every time another warns them against themselves and points out past experiences as evidence of their weakness.

 

What the world needs now is badass Alphas who take a stand for themselves.

A stand for self-respect.

A stand for self-appreciation.

A stand for self-love.

AND FROM THIS SPACE

create more freedom and abundance not only for themselves

but for all of humanity.

Because that’s simply how it works.

 

What the world needs right now

is YOU

to just DECIDE you WILL have your DESIRES met,

and then COMMITTING to BEING that woman.

 

#RiseAlphaFemales.

 

For only death is inevitable.

Thriving is the DECISION of the Alpha.

 

Live with honour,

Anel.

 

PS:  Deciding to work with a coach is no small thing.

 

I guess it depends on how you play though.

If you want to work with a coach who tells you what to do,

or a coach who Molly-coddles you,

then it’s an easy decision.

 

I’m NOT that coach.

 

If you want to partner with a coach who continuously asks the difficult questions so that you can find your answers,

a coach who, from a space of deep belief in you, continuously challenges you,

a coach who won’t settle for your old patterns or excuses,

it’s a nerve-wrecking decision.

Because you KNOW you will have to step up and show up in spite of your fears and doubts.

 

I’m THAT coach.

 

If you’ve DECIDED you’re going to succeed and your ready to be held to a new standard, shoot me a message anel@anelbester.com and let’s see if we would be a good fit to play.