Had you seen me yesterday, you would have stood in bewilderment.
Shaking your head in sympathy.
Convinced that I’d finally lost my shit.
But you didn’t,
because they were all still sleeping.
Whilst I was out,
fighting my demons;
dripping thickly in my throat.
calling me weak,
daring me to stand up to the monsters inside of my head.
The ones that have kept me taking two steps forward, three steps back.
The ones that have given me tantalising glimpses of their eyes without ever fully revealing their faces.
Until yesterday that is.
Because I’d fucking had enough of not serving you fully.
I’ve been at this point countless times before.
But something my coach said really hit a chord,
the fact that my resistance is witnessed through my short punches.
It was time for me to punch FURTHER than I thought needed so that I could get to where I truly desire to serve.
So I set out to the forest under a cloak of darkness.
If I was going to face my fears,
I had to turn up the dial.
As I neared the entrance I was tempted to walk around.
To stick to the tarred road.
Nobody would have seen.
Nobody would ever know.
Yet I believe it’s what we do when there are no witnesses that ultimately define our results.
So I toughened up a little more and kept going straight.
I started tapping on the karate chop point.
Sweat forming in my armpits.
The words thickening my throat, making it hard to give voice to my fears.
My true fears.
“Make your decision bitch.
Are you seriously going to do this again?
Starting the process and then stopping before leaping over the edge?”
Not this time.
There’s no going back.
I’ve burned the boats.
Even the oars.
Because, this is it my friend.
My soul’s telling me that the time for screwing around is over and done with.
That there’s nobody who is going to take a stand for my vision,
it’s up to me.
When people tell me that nobody ever gets to their deathbed wishing they had worked harder. I shrug my shoulders.
My work is my life.
My work is my purpose.
Why the hell wouldn’t I want to work harder?
Why wouldn’t I want to reach more people?
Every single soul I get to inspire into conscious action is important to me.
I will probably get to my deathbed wishing I had worked harder.
I started talking about my fear.
Talking to my fear.
I fleshed him out.
Giving him form.
All the incidences from my past that made him real.
Willing to remember.
And then asking myself,
why the hell can’t I get myself to move past this fear?
What is the REAL fear, the one behind the mask, the story, that keeps me from breaking through?
Which is when it hit me –
The FEAR I’ve lived with has been wearing a mask of what I was told is love.
And if love hurt this much,
imagine what it will feel like when the love is removed???
This fear has worn many faces from many humans in the past.
Those who claimed that love hurts.
And hurt they did.
Today I’m filled with so much appreciation for every single one of them,
because if it wasn’t for them,
I wouldn’t have walked through the forest yesterday.
I wouldn’t have finally found the courage to keep asking myself,
what’s the real fear.
Until I knew.
I’ve kept myself standing slightly behind the fear.
Hurting all the time,
yet in some bizarre and insane way feeling protected.
I’m not sure if this makes any sense to you today,
but we become so used to our pain,
our everyday fears,
our status quo,
that we stay two feet behind it so that it will shield us from the unknown.
Always imagining that the teeth that is in front of the beast,
will somehow be sharper.
Ripping us to pieces.
Until we find a vision that is so magnetic,
that we are prepared to bleed for it.
This is where I’m at in my life.
I’ve connected to the vision for which I’m prepared to sacrifice it all.
The vision for which I’m prepared to go into battle.
To cry more.
To look like a mad-hatter tapping on my body, talking out loud to the voices in my head,
for the breakdown that precedes the breakthrough.
Getting to a point of ultimate decision.
I’ve turned the monster around,
looking him in the eye,
and taking another step forward.
Does this mean I’ve become fearless?
I’ve never been more scared in my life!
Which is EXACTLY how I know that this is the most transformational course for my life.
Fear highlights the path to growth and freedom.
I don’t believe this is a time in humanity that calls for fearlessness.
I honestly believe in my heart that this is the time that will go down in the great book of history as one of great courage.
Stop thinking that your life, your choices, doesn’t matter.
Stop thinking that it’s not your responsibility to bring order to the chaos so prevalent in our society.
YOUR choices matter.
YOUR story matters.
YOUR BEST VERSION SELF IS WHAT WILL BRING TRANSFORMATION.
For that to happen you have to start going deeper into the fear beneath the fear.
You have to go walk through your dark forest.
You have to connect to your obsessive vision.
You have to go face your demons.
You have to find the courage that I see inside of you.
I believe in you.
From where you’re at and with what you have.
You can make up stories to say this isn’t valid – that I don’t know you.
That I don’t see you.
That I haven’t heard the details of your story.
Except I do.
I trust my soul.
I trust the Universe to only show this piece to those who need to read it today.
The ones who are ready to rise.
The slumbering warriors awakening to a new dawn.
If you’re a purpose driven entrepreneur with a vision and you’ve reached a point of no return, let’s connect to see if I’m the right coach to guide you on this part of your journey.
Only death is inevitable Darling.
Thriving is the choice of the brave.
You know I love you,