This is my personal truth.
43 today. Fuck, it feels amazing.
Journaling this morning was given to reflection of what it took for me to get to this point.
Strangely, I have always felt that I was born in the wrong place, into the wrong culture. It is really no wonder that I was constantly in shit.
For as long as I can remember I questioned the rules and found them fucked up. I never understood why children should not be heard, why we had to respect our elders when majority of them clearly showed no respect to us, why women should be subservient – barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. I didn’t believe in corporal punishment and saw it as a weakness on the side of the adult who could not contain their own temper.
In a culture that demands unconditional submission, I’m sure you can understand why I received so many hidings both physically and emotionally. Finally I gave up – gave in to the idea that you can’t fart against thunder. And so I would give soft meows when I wanted to say something and purred when I received approval.
I was playing by the rules and I fucking hated the game.
Then, after 40, something began to change. I was no longer satisfied with empowering others but still seeking approval in my own life. Approval from those I love and those that I didn’t know from a bar of soap. I thought that in order for me to be accepted in the professional arena, I had to speak like a lady, behave like a lady, surround myself with other ladies.
But what if the lady was not a pussy cat? What if instead she was an amazingly powerful lion??? What if she was so passionate that fucked up societal rules to keep you in your place (they call it respect) could no longer contain her? What if she could strut into the arena with her head held high and just not give a shit if strangers could not see her beauty, her grace, her power – just because it made the other cats look like pussies? And what would happen the day that she roared??
That is exactly what happened to me this year and it was magical.
What I found was that there is an entire pride of lionesses out there that was waiting for me to find my voice! A pride who have stepped into their personal power and like me, questioned what they have been told for so long. A pride that called out to me and took me into their circle without hesitation or judgement. I am finally home.
The world has more than enough pussies. And the fact of the matter is, that holistically, things are not working because the rules that have governed our behaviour for so long, does not make sense to the younger generations and therefore have a negative effect on society as a whole. Instead the world needs more lionesses who will tap into their power, gracefully say ‘fuck it’, and have their unique voices heard.
I know that not everyone will understand this blog. And please don’t get me wrong – I completely respect the fact that we are all different. Some people thrive in the safety of the rules. They have a desire to fit in and not upset the apple cart. That is perfect too – as long as they are being authentic to their true selves. Nature has more varieties of animals than we even know of, and humans are as diverse and unique. There is place for all of us.
At age 43 I am finally free from wearing the suffocating masks. No, not everyone likes me. And that is okay with me. I wasn’t born to be a people pleaser. Love me or hate me, you will never forget me.