This is my personal truth
Today I am speaking directly to all the mothers out there. Although this question can be just as powerful for any woman who does not have children of her own, or for any father.
I don’t have many childhood memories – probably because most of them were really shit so I have blocked out a lot. My early childhood was in a home with an abusive father who passed on his behaviors to his son, which resulted in a very unhappy and submissive mother, and me, the rebel, who got punished on a regular basis. Oh don’t feel sorry for me, I was born to be a warrior! This was simply my training ground.
But as a little girl I could never understand why my mom would possibly tolerate this life for seventeen years!! Which is how long it took her to finally leave my sperm donor. When I asked her, she would always say she stayed for us, for her children. She thought it was the best thing she could do for us, because how could she possibly make it on her own? How could she take our father away from us?
I love my mother. God knows I would give my life for this woman who has served as my pillar of strength and who continues to be my inspiration every single day. Unfortunately what I didn’t realize for many years, is that because of this love for her, I made a soul contract which stated that I would suffer for her in return, so that she could live in the knowledge that she made the right decision in staying for so long in a nightmare of a marriage. And so I manifested really painful relationships which I suffered for the sake of others.
The Universe, in its compassion and love, finally released me from this soul contract by giving me the mentors, coaches and tools that would reveal this contract to me and give me the opportunity to start making better decisions. The question I started asking myself is: Would I want this life for my children one day?
Breathe in the power of this question: Would I want this life for my children one day?
This question has changed my entire world for me! Because the moment I ‘got it’, the moment that I started looking at my life and my decisions from my children’s perspective, I stopped being a martyr!
I stopped tolerating destructive and abusive relationships. I stopped staying in jobs that made me miserable so that I could be the ‘responsible’ adult who pays the bills. I stopped sitting on the carpet with my children feeling fat and miserable so instead I got on my bike and rode away my stress. I stopped looking like shit because I first had to take care of everyone else which meant there was never any money or energy left for me.
I started making the life choices that I would want my children to make one day.
I also finally started having real conversations with my mom. And I started asking her for help when I needed it. Because as a mom, I would be devastated if my kids didn’t have the freedom and courage to ask me for help one day or to have the open and honest conversations with me.
This blog needs to come with a bit of a warning though: when you start making more empowered decisions like this, people are going to judge! There will always be those mothers and fathers who call you selfish, irresponsible, crazy even. Let them. Because unless they wake up really happy each morning, unless they are making decisions that they would want their kids to make one day, they are simply stuck in soul contracts which they are not even aware of!
I cannot tell you how often I meet people with un-lived dreams ‘because of their children’. They can’t possibly take the chance now ‘because of their children’. They can’t possibly have a happy relationship now ‘because of their children’. But what are you modelling to your children? That misery and suffering awaits them when they are adults because having children is like a prison sentence for the next twenty years?? That they will go from free-spirited brave souls to whipped, groveling, suffering martyrs? Geez and we wonder why the next generation don’t want to have kids…
I am not saying you must quit your job today, get a divorce or start living like a bum. I am inviting you to have an honest look at your life and see where you are using your children as an excuse to live small, or for being miserable. To set better, more empowering goals and to start working towards them immediately! To start asking for help where you need it. If your marriage is unhappy, then either leave or turn it around to the best relationship in the world!!! Yes darling, it is possible. If you are unhappy in your job then sit down and figure out what does your dream job look like and either create it in your current place of employment or go out and find it or create it in your own company. Whatever you do, for the love of humanity, stop suffering for the little children!!!
I am inviting you to ask the question: Would you want this life for your children one day?
Walk with honor.