This is my personal truth.
I’m sure you’ve heard the story of the butterfly, but allow me to refresh your memory.
‘Once a little boy was playing outdoors and found a fascinating caterpillar. He carefully picked it up and took it home to show his mother. He asked his mother if he could keep it, and she said he could if he would take good care of it.
The little boy got a large jar from his mother and put plants to eat, and a stick to climb on, in the jar. Every day he watched the caterpillar and brought it new plants to eat.
One day the caterpillar climbed up the stick and started acting strangely. The boy worriedly called his mother who came and understood that the caterpillar was creating a cocoon. The mother explained to the boy how the caterpillar was going to go through a metamorphosis and become a butterfly.
The little boy was thrilled to hear about the changes his caterpillar would go through. He watched every day, waiting for the butterfly to emerge. One day it happened, a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the butterfly started to struggle to come out.
At first the boy was excited, but soon he became concerned. The butterfly was struggling so hard to get out! It looked like it couldn’t break free! It looked desperate! It looked like it was making no progress!
The boy was so concerned he decided to help. He ran to get scissors, and then walked back (because he had learned not to run with scissors…). He snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the butterfly quickly emerged!
As the butterfly came out the boy was surprised. It had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly expecting that, at any moment, the wings would dry out, enlarge and expand to support the swollen body. He knew that in time the body would shrink and the butterfly’s wings would expand.
But neither happened!
The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.
It never was able to fly…
As the boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong his mother took him to talk to a scientist from a local college. He learned that the butterfly was SUPPOSED to struggle. In fact, the butterfly’s struggle to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings. Without the struggle, the butterfly would never, ever fly. The boy’s good intentions hurt the butterfly.’
This is such a powerful story and so relevant in our society. I see it all the time – people trying to save others from their struggle thereby robbing them of the opportunity to get strong enough to thrive. If we dig deeper we start realizing that this desire to save in fact has nothing to do with our love for the other person but rather for our own feelings of discomfort to witness the journey. It is us who don’t want to feel the pain, us who don’t want to feel the struggle.
You might think that I’m an insensitive bitch and wonder how on earth I could be a coach when I don’t want to save my clients from their struggle. Between you and me, I was told at Varsity to please never become a social worker because I would have every student in tears during our role plays. Yet I could see their shifts during our talks which happened through their tears and their pain. I understood that none of my fellow students had the balls to witness pain and since I don’t think of pain as a negative, I am comfortable in its presence. I’ve been blessed with plenty of it in my own life through which to learn and grow.
I do believe this is my super power as a coach. I am comfortable with my clients’ pain and struggle. I am able to hold the space for them to move through it instead of staying stuck or worse, turning away from it for short-term relief only to have to go through the same lessons again and again. Because there is no cheating in life – your journey has a start and an end and you have to get through the muddy parts in order for you to move forward.
The beauty of pain is that it only hurts until it stops hurting! Understand that it is a message in your brain, and you have the power to learn the message and change for a more pleasant message to be given from your brain. Isn’t that just the best fucking news you’ve had all day?? Pain is temporary, victory is forever!
Walk with honor.
I am super excited to announce that I will be launching THE group program that will allow you to embrace the concept of pain and teach you how to move through it so that you can become victorious in life. If you want to be first to know the what, where and when join my list of VIP women today.
Death is inevitable – not living is a choice.