Unequivocally madly in love

Damn,
I am completely
and unequivocally
madly in love
with life.

Listening to the soft sound
as rain french-kiss the grass in the dark of early morning,
the heater turning my room into a cozy cocoon,
soft egyptian cotton sheets caressing my skin,
whilst the daisies on my bedside table
bring lightness and joy to the room
just by being
daisies.

As I allowed my thoughts to wonder
through the movement of pen on journal pages,
I was hit by the knowing that right now
in this very moment
every single touch-point of my life
is absolutely
wonderous.

Every person that I am connected to
in every different form of relationship
fills my heart with love, appreciation and adoration.
My business is evolving into an empire of impact
which fills me with pride and joy
as I witness the blossoming of women
into Alphas
as each makes different choices on a daily basis
completely transforming their lives.
My home,
once a space of fear and hiding,
has changed into my oasis
inviting you to kick off your shoes at the door
curl up
unwind
and create a memory
from a cup of coffee
to a deeply connected conversation.

Most look at where I’m at today
and they call me lucky.
They think that I’ve had it easy,
surely,
as I’m one of those irritating people constantly smiling
for no apparent reason and nobody to smile at,
the one who dances on the footpath
in broad daylight,
the one who can be heard howling with no concern
of the fact that most call me crazy.

They don’t know
about the rape
about the emotional abuse
about the beatings
about the bancruptcy
about the humiliations
about the complete abandonment
about the times I lay on the floor
lost in a trance of terror
as one part of me cried out for death
whilst the other kept pulling in air
once in a while
just enough to ensure
that I live.

They don’t know
about the years of self-punishment
when I lived on a can of diet coke, a packet of cigarettes and the maximum allowed diet pills per day.
They don’t know
about the years of self-hatred
when I cast my eyes down approaching a lift
so I wouldn’t have to see my reflection in the doors.
They don’t know
about the times when I could not feed my children
as the bank accounts had been drunk dry
and I had to ask my mom for bread.

They don’t know,
and quite frankly,
they don’t need to
.

For people have a funny way
of taking the story of another
as justification
and proof
of how life is unfair, hard, cruel and filled with victims.

It’s not Darling.

I’m testimont to the fact that regardless of what you’ve lived,
you can choose
choose
choose
to fall in love
with life.

It all starts with a choice
to finally
love
yourself.

For without that
you’re fucked.

Without love for self
you will bend over
and let the world screw you up the arse
with not a shred of self-respect left.

Without love for self
you will tolerate
the most attrocious of behaviours
AND
you will make excuses for the assholes
saying it’s not their fault
they’re just under a lot of stress
they have an addiction
they didn’t have a choice.

Without love for self
you will shut your truth
and go through life
suffocating on your unspoken words
which will make you sick to the bone
and you will die.

Without love for self
you will sign up all the wrong clients
you will hold on to all the wrong friends
you will eat all the wrong foods
you will wear all the wrong clothes
you will work yourself to a stand-still
and call all of this bullshit
honorable.

Without love for self
you will always put others above yourself
and you will resent the living daylights out of them
for feeling like a slave
except
you’re the one going down on your knees every day
and then hating on the queens.

How did I wake up this morning madly and unequivocally in love with my life?

I decided to dry my eyes
get up from the wet grass
and choose to love myself
understanding that until I did
nobody else would ever be able to love me
just as I would never truly be able to love others
including my children.

It’s time for a thrive evolution for and of Alpha Females.
It’s time for an evolution through LOVE.

Every woman who draws a line in the sand,
every woman who finally chooses to love herself,
brings elevated energies to our world.

It’s our gift Darling,
gifted to us
which we then gift humanity

and yes,
a lot of women say they love themselves
yet when you look behind the screens
you know it’s all lip-service
as self-love is NOT taught or even encouraged in our society.

So instead of saying
‘Oh yes, I love myself
it’s just that some areas of my life is shit’,

ask for support and guidance.

It’s what I had to do.
Otherwise,
I would still be sobbing on wet grass.

Death is inevitable,
will you choose to thrive?

Live with honour,
Anel.