I’ve been slipping.
It’s been so gradual that I’ve not taken notice.
Shit, in truth the slope has been there since the time of my birth.
Greased for ease of the downhill slide by cultural norms.
Compared to most I’m still looking pretty good,
but in my heart,
I’m nowhere near where I desire to be.
And I’m not available for my personal brand of bullshit any longer.
2018 has been a mind-blowing year for awakening and transformation.
It’s been my first taste of what radical self-love truly feels like,
and I’m addicted.
Does this make me look selfish and inconsiderate to most?
You bet your sweet arse it does.
But in truth,
this is the most loving path I’ve ever walked.
I’ve come to understand that conforming to the social expectations of those around me, has not only suffocated my creativity, my self-appreciation, my self-acceptance,
but also my capacity to truly love everyone else.
And with love I mean that I believe every single person alive is magnificence in human form, and I’m prepared to hold them to it.
I have no desire to rescue anyone anymore.
I have no desire to disempower others by carrying them on my back just because they haven’t trained themselves to keep up.
I have no desire to tell others how they should choose as I completely respect their path, their journey believing that it’s always perfect regardless of how we judge it to social success.
I also have no further desire to sacrifice my own happiness, my own energy, so that others can freeload off me.
The bus stops here Darling.
Thing is, when you reach this space of the radical self,
shit gets real.
It’s as though you have to take off the spectacles of mediocrity and bring yourself back to standards of excellence.
Settling for less, is nothing more than radical self-deceit.
As I take a critical look at my life, there’s a ton of areas currently out of integrity.
Case One – Christmas.
Even writing this out loud feels scary AF.
How many people will judge me for saying that out of respect for the christian community, I will no longer celebrate Christmas?
After all, I’m not a christian.
Yes, I was raised in a christian home.
Yes my parents had me baptised.
But my poor mom will also tell you, I was rebellious to every word, every expectation, every practice, for as long as I can remember.
I’ve never felt aligned with religion.
I have no desire to say that I’m right and others are wrong.
I believe every person has the right to connect to Source in whatever way feels wonderful for them.
I’m spiritual down to my core.
Why would I continue to celebrate a day that’s deeply meaningful to those of stated religion?
Is it not offensive for the rest of us to jump on their happy-wagon when it’s become about everything BUT the birth of Christ – which, if memory serves me right, is the intent behind the day?
As far as I’m concerned, this is part of my ‘mediocre mentality’.
Let’s not be a christian.
Let’s not go to church.
Let’s not tick all the boxes but still put up the tree, have the meal and open the pressies.
For the little children.
I’m not available to be fake just to be liked by my peers.
Case Two – my eating has been 80% clean, 20% poison.
I’ve still been holding on to that rebellious thought that eating clean all the time is based on deprivation.
And I won’t be deprived of anything (said stomping my three year old little foot).
Except this past week I’ve been looking at all that was held in front of my open mouth and asking myself:
“Is this food / drink / chocolate respresentitive of radical self-love of my body?”
Does it uplift the energy of every cell, every muscle, every fibre?
Because when you ask this question, let me tell you my friend, the answer for the most part, is NO!
All the ‘treats’ we so eagerly hold on to, is nothing more than radical suicide.
It keeps me apart from my absolute BEST performance self.
No longer acceptable to me.
Case Three – my business.
Oh hell yeah I’m going there too.
For the past decade I’ve been so dedicated to my craft, to my art, that I’ve neglected my business.
And when I say neglected,
I’m saying it’s not at the level of radical excellence I know is available to me at this time.
Yes I’ve continued to grow.
I’ve gone from a teeny tiny little practice to a comfortable online presence.
Comfortable is no longer good enough for me.
Comfort kills creativity.
I believe that my best work comes from me going full-out.
Yes I know I know!
You’re going to tell me to slow down.
That it’s not about the hustle.
That it’s about ease and flow.
Look Sweetheart, for all of those who enjoy ease and easy,
I say knock yourself out.
Know where I thrive?
When I’m sweating like a pig.
Pushing past my own perceived limitations.
Cursing like a drunken pirate captain in a raging storm.
This is where I feel fully alive.
In the zone.
Crushing the game with complete exhilaration.
I will no longer hold myself back for anyone or anything.
Looking at this piece I suspect my word for 2019 might be RADICAL.
Fuck all the gradient bullshit.
It’s either radical self-love,
or no self-love at all.
Not many will ever hold themselves to this standard, and that’s perfect too.
This is simply what integrity looks like for me.
As we near the end of 2018, I invite you to take a look at your own life.
First off, define what integrity will look like for you.
In every area.
And then, without shame, ask yourself, where have you been neglecting your own values, your own desires, your love of self, for the desire to belong.
And are you going to do the same next year?
If you are, that’s perfect too!
I’m not saying it must change.
I’m simply inviting conscious choice.
Only death is inevitable.
you get to choose what thrive looks like for you.
With deep love and appreciation of your magnificent self,