When fear is the true ruler of your ’empire’.

How much longer
will you allow your fear
to dictate the size
of your ’empire’?

How many more times
will you allow the band of shadow resistance
to pull you back
to where you started
before taking the first courageous step?

How much longer
will you possibly allow yourself
to slaughter your dreams
hacking away at the edges with a blunt axe
to make it a little smaller
in an attempt for it to fit into their container
because you choose to sell yourself
for cheap
so that others won’t criticise and abandon you?

How
Much
More?

Because at the end of the day
every single time you choose to stay hunkered down in the corner,
every time you don’t show the fuck up for yourself,
you are losing the battle
of your life!!

Settling for mere existence,
exhausted from doing all the kindergarten work
they tell you
will have you happy in 30 days.

And sure,
you do feel better for a little while
as you move your shadow fears and secret shames from one area
of your physical, energetic and emotional body
to another.

The relief of the opening feels amazing,
you want to hold hands with all the white-dressed girls
and sing
kum-ba-fucking-jah
with flowers in your hair and sunlight on your face
(who is taking the selfie for Instagram??).

Pretty little princess ready to be swept up by her prince.

Except
your Soul,
the one who craves true freedom,
the one who is the holder of the keys
to your magic
to your power
to your thrive,
will have none of it.

In your need for acceptance of the tribe,
a sense of belonging,
of being praise-worthy and ‘loved’
like a round-eyed puppy,
you have abandoned
YOURSELF.

Your true self,
the one who craves the mysterious dark and chaos of the otherworld,
the one who licks her lips in pure unadulterated pleasure
as her muscles strain and burn with effort,
the one who can’t be bothered with rules and steps and incremental anything.

Your true self,
for whom her purpose is supreme to everything else,
for whom the ‘perfect’ face of a prince could never be enough,
his unscarred body leaving no lines for her tongue to trace,
boring
and bored
as fuck.

You have taken the blade of shame
of who you truly are
and what you’re truly capable of
and cut
your Human
from
your Being.

What you’re left with is an empty shell
dead woman walking
with your autumn leave dry pussy
your stiff as a board body
no creativity
no passion
no desire pulsating through your veins
a traitor to yourself and your vision.

The zombie apocolypse is here.

All because you’re allowing your fear to rule your empire.

I know you’ve seen us
in the untamed undergrowth,
no skipping and jumping here Darling,
no awakening by the sweet kiss of the knight in shining armour.

You see us
as we willingly rise at the gates of hell
courageously walking forward
even though we’re bleeding
even though we cry out in exquisite agony every time we alchemise MORE of our shadow selves
captivated by the light
the passion
the aliveness
pulsating in our eyes
and your Soul
salivates
with desire
to join the ranks of the Alpha Females.

You see us
and NOTHING about us makes any sense
in the world of mundane existence
and tribal mentality.
Your ego mind doesn’t understand what drives us.
Your heart mind does.
You ego mind doesn’t understand why the hell we are euphoric even as we often walk alone
not needing to be clinging to our pack
and instead
wandering the wilderness
allowing the echos of our pack to be enough
as our certainty in ourselves and our deep connection
never has us floundering around
wanting another to rescue us.
Your heart mind does.

You see us
and you wonder how the hell
women like us
can possibly be attracted to those your sisters consider to be demons, monsters, dark and dangerous. The beasts your momma warned you about.
Scarred and ‘broken’ according to the bullshit of the cult of mediocrity,
our Alpha Males intimidate any who are weak of will and who lack backbone aka your boys in mens bodies, your little princes, your foot-soldiers,
and even though we submit to them in moments of passion
allowing ourselves to be conquered in bed at our own free will
we stand proudly next to them in battle
equal
not needing protection
but protecting that which is ours to fight for.

You see us
and the only thing standing in your way of joining us
is you!

Your secret shame you don’t want to expose
as in the past the sheople have ridiculed you for it
and your feeble mind cannot comprehend how in the world
Alpha Females will NOT judge or belittle you but instead celebrate your courage in standing amongst us,
naked,
allowing your shame to become your greatness.

Your secret fear that you don’t want to admit to
as the sheople have put you on a pedestal
and you think you have an image of badassery to uphold
and your feeble ego cannot comprehend how on earth
Alpha Females will NOT praise you for the ‘man-made’ accolades and goals and empty achievement
instead holding a higher standard for you than anyone has ever dared and in the challenge you will find renewed energy to rise ever higher.

You wonder if you’re good enough.
You wonder if you’re even alpha.
You wonder
and in the pause between the pull of your desire and taking the uncomfortable action
your fear grows
the chasm becomes even wider
and another day passes
with you living but a mirage
of your true empire.

Death might be inevitable,
few choose to thrive.

Live with honour,
Anel.