Who is fucked up – me or the world?

You might want to grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine for this one.

I’m not sure where we’re headed…

All I know is that I’m sitting here pondering the current state of affairs as mirrored to me by life,

and I keep coming back to the fact that society as a norm,

is a little fucked up at the moment.

I don’t often read current articles or news or the latest research,

for this exact reason.

Because when I do read it, I sit shaking my head and keep thinking What The Fuck?

I don’t understand when or why the human race decided we all had to be so fucking miserable in order for us to be good people?

When or why did our forefathers and mothers decide that passion, joy, laughter, abundance, thriving,

was a sin?

That we had to believe we’re born bad, needing to pay for this flaw with the rest of our lives,

through suffering,

through heartbreak,

through blame,

and then still be doomed to hell for all eternity because honestly

you’re going to fuck up.

The really scary part for me, is how powerful this programming and conditioning is.

For most of my life I held on to the belief that the happiness of others is more important than my own.

That it’s my duty as a woman to stand by her man, raise her kids, press pause on my ambitions, my desire for adventure, dim my passion for life, be satisfied with whatever crumbs was thrown my way.

Be grateful for the protection of the family unit, even when said unit was suffocating me.

Be grateful for occasional flowers, even when my woman’s heart hungered for deep connection.

Be grateful for bread, when I believe it’s my birthright to eat cake.

I was told that my sexual appetite made me a whore.

That my outspoken nature made me disrespectful.

That my appreciation for the beauty of the human body made me vulgar.

I’ve been told that my ambition made me shallow,

that my relentless hunger for achievement made me incapable of feeling satisfaction.

My empathy made me a cold-hearted bitch because all people want is sympathy.

Actually, according to my cultural upbringing, I should be burned at the stake and my soul doomed to the fires of hell for all eternity.

So I chose to join the masses,

to lie about who I am

about what I want.

I opted for mere existence.

Which seemed to make everyone around me very happy.

And you know, I’m happy when you’re happy.

Right?

What a crock of shit!

Except, as I finally broke away from this cult-mentality,

I find myself in a space of true joy for the first time in my life,

and won’t you believe it,

I FEEL GUILTY AND CRAZY AS A MAD HATTER!

According to psychologists I should be in a period of mourning – not celebration.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

According to tradition I am to be branded as crazy for walking away from a perfectly normal marriage – I should be hanging my head in shame, skulking around in the dark corners – not dancing on the street.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

According to my upbringing I should be working my fingers to the bone, scraping by in fear, saving my pennies – not manifesting money through orgasms.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

What the fuck indeed…

I don’t understand why we should be angry when we opt out of a current state of relationship.

In my humble opinion, no relationship ever ends, it simply changes form.  That person will always be in your heart, your memory, part of your journey.  It’s not like you erase them.

I don’t understand why we should be bitter when our relationships gift us with the most incredible learning – albeit some of it painful.  Your soul asked for this so stop complaining, drop into gratitude and receive.

I don’t understand why people say there are guilty parties and innocent parties – fuck people, do you honestly think that your partner is unfaithful because you’re the ray of sunshine in their lives?

I don’t understand why society praises a woman who lost weight after her bastard of a husband left her – come on, she wasn’t 200 kgs overweight because she was blissfully happy in her life!  He did her a favour yet now she’s the heroine in the tale and he’s the pig?

I don’t understand why we as parents should put our dreams on hold just because we have brought new life into this world – is it any wonder that we’ve raised a generation of mini-gods who think we should bow down to their every command?

I don’t understand why we should save money for a rainy day and invest wisely and skimp by today when we don’t even know if we’re going to be alive tomorrow!!  Why not use the blessings that life has gifted us to suck the joy out of today and then receive more tomorrow?

I don’t understand why a woman gets shamed for sharing her gorgeous body with the world in stunning photography and then have all the witch-hunters call her pornographic – well, what’s wrong with porn anyways if that’s the thing that makes you happy? As far as I’m concerned, if you’re proud of your body and you choose to share it – GO YOU!!  I’m kinda over people praising ‘out of shape’ and shaming those who work their arses off to sculpt their bodies.

I don’t understand why we should go through life being unhappy just because someone decided that kissing arse was more admirable than kicking it.

I don’t understand why we should feel sorry for people when THERE ARE NO VICTIMS!  Liberation comes from taking full responsibility of our lives but as long as we think shit happens TO us instead of FOR us, we walk around with our tails between our legs just so others can pat our heads.

I don’t understand.

Isn’t it maybe time that people stop singing in the choir of doom and gloom and start listening to the rhythm so beautifully created by the pulsing of blood through their veins?

Isn’t it maybe time that our children are not forced to sit in little rows, reciting the declaration of conformity and start questioning everything so they can find their own truth?

Isn’t it maybe time that people stop looking at what everyone else is doing and start minding their own motherfucking business?

Focus on their own lives?

Clean up their own back-yards?

Instead of looking around at who is breaking one of the ten million six hundred and ninety-four rules which has to be upheld for them to be happy?

Quite frankly, this is why I live in my own loony world most of the time.

Every time I take a peak at ‘their’ world, it seems completely insane to me.

So back I go, down the rabbit hole, to where happiness is the normal state of affairs.

Where my drive and hunger keeps me on fire every day.

Where I dance and howl and shake my arse in wild abandon.

Where,

dare I say it?

I have FUN!

Yes, I still get triggered – thank the gods of peanut butter.

I still get down – of course!

I’m still alive, aren’t I?

And quite frankly Darling, this journey was never made to be experienced as one-dimensional.

All of it is good for me.

All of it is in service to my growth.

All of it is creating a kaleidoscope of wonderful experiences.

Does that make me fucked up?

Maybe.

But ask yourself this –

would you rather be fucked up according the them,

or fucked up according to your soul?

Only death is inevitable.

Thriving is always the choice of the brave.

With deep love and appreciation,

your crazy-neighbourhood bitch,

Anel