You have to break the walls down from the inside.

Not something I normally do,
but today
if this piece resonates with you,
I’m going to ask that you share it
as this is what people NEED to hear,
so I’ll keep it ‘clean’, turn down the dial of passion, and leave out my socially inappropriate Anelisms.

People are suffering,
not just hurting,
pain is normal,
it’s part of life,
it’s a necessary part for growth,
but suffering is a choice
and it’s what’s truly KILLING way too many people.

Suffering because they don’t know how to ask for help.
Not saving, rescuing or codependent enabling.
True help,
from those who believe in them
from those who see the beauty, the power, the love IN them
and who have the skills to draw that out
through truth.

Suffering because they’ve been hurt so many times in the past,
they’ve been ‘let down’ by those they have trusted before,
and in the process
they’ve built a fortress around themselves in a desperate attempt to feel safe.
Except, that which is inside the walls is a vibration of fear, anger, resentment, a deep desire for revenge.
It is toxic Baby,
it’s rotten,
and it’s eating their insides like out-of-control gangreen,
starting with the bond with their very Soul
and in this
they feel sooo bloody lonely
so disconnected
spiralling down even further,
not feeling loved,
not feeling appreciated,
not feeling cared for,
not understanding
that we simply CAN NOT receive ANYTHING from outside
that we’re not willing to gift ourselves from within.

And I know this is going to hurt Darling,
I know because I’ve walked this journey,
every painful, blood-splattered, tear-stained, heart-wrenching crawling step,
but if you’re NOT thriving
it has NOTHING to do with ANYONE or ANYTHING else
and EVERYTHING to do with YOUR relationship with YOURSELF.

You cannot receive true love
until you’re madly in love with yourself.

You cannot receive true connection
until you’ve got an indestructible bond with yourself.

You cannot receive true compassion
until you’re compassionate with yourself.

You cannot receive true appreciation
until you deeply appreciate yourself.

You cannot receive true acceptance
until you unconditionally accept yourself.

It’s not that it’s NOT available to you,
it’s not that it’s NOT all around you,
you’re simply closed off to RECEIVING it
because you’re refusing to break down that wall,
deathly afraid of the pain you’ve experienced before,
and instead of allowing yourself to move THROUGH the pain
to heal and grow
you SUFFER every single day.

You still think that other people have power over you.
You still think that other people have to do something so that you can feel better.
You still think that a psychological label explains why you can’t shift.
You still think that some man-made chemical is what’s needed for you to return to your natural state of thrive.

You refuse to forgive
because they’ve not made nice
they’ve not apologised
they’ve not repented for their sins against you
not understanding that forgiveness has NOTHING to do with any other person,
it’s simply YOU finally loving YOURSELF enough to CHOOSE to heal and bring your power back home.

Instead you tell us that you first need more time,
you first need to process,
maybe go for some more therapy,
because you’ve been so traumatised.

Why?
What’s going to change?

How are you EVER going to make sense of him violating your body whilst you were crying NO?
How are you EVER going to make sense of him screaming his rage over you whilst you’re sobbing on the floor?
How are you EVER going to make sense of her stabbing you in the back and turning your entire community against you because of her jealousy?
How are you EVER going to make sense of the senseless beatings as your ears were ringing and the pounding didn’t stop?
How are you EVER going to make sense of your parents when you have not walked in their tortured shoes?

You’re NOT.
And you don’t have to.
Because their insanity need not dictate your life experience one second longer.

For the first time in your life,
you get to choose YOU!

You get to draw a line in the sand,
you get to forgive everyone and anyone who has ever been involved in, ever witnessed, any painful experience.
You don’t need to make the behaviour okay.
You don’t need to let them back into your life.

You simply need to forgive,
let it wash away,
release
release
sweet release
and then
you get to forgive yourself thereby planting a new seed of compassion and love for YOU.

If you tell me you can’t do it,
what you’re really saying is
you don’t want to.
You want to hold on to your anger,
you want to hold on to your suffering,
as you’ve made it part of your identity
and you have no clue who to be without it.

Sad
and so true.

Because for you to find your thrive
you have to be willing to break down the walls from the inside
standing there
completely naked and vulnerable
with NO identity
so that you can finally connect to who you truly are.

You are not this body my Love.
You’re not all the events of your life or the world.
You’re not your culture.
You’re not your relationships.
You’re not your titles.
You’re not your roles.
You’re not your accolades.

You are
and always will be,
until you choose to seize to exist,
a Soul
in a human body
having a human experience.

As Souls
we are all connected
not only to each other
but the Universal Source
to Life
to All That Is
and for you to EXPERIENCE this connection as a human
you have to break down that wall.

I can tell you it will be easy.
I can tell you it will be fun.
But it wasn’t in my experience.

It took every ounce of courage I could muster
especially as I have always been a high achieving, ass-kicking woman admired by others for whom vulnerability was the ultimate show of weakness.

It took a lot of ugly tears
sobbing uncontrollably
having my body shake the pain loose
allowing myself to appear as my absolute worst
so that I could reclaim my absolute best.

It took me walking away from every relationship
every person
who demanded I stay the same so they could make sense of me
so that I could resculpt my true self.

It was so worth it.
And looking back,
it was so simple.
All I needed to do
was to finally

CHOOSE ME.

You are loved.
You are treasured.
You are appreciated.
You are accepted just as you are.

Will you gift this to yourself?

With love and compassion,
Anel.